The Happiest Kid on Campus: A Parent's Guide to the Very Best College Experience (for You and Your Child) - Softcover

Cohen, Harlan

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1402239424 ISBN 13: 9781402239427

Publisher: Sourcebooks, 2010

Synopsis

If your child is beginning life in college, there's a surprise around every corner...

But that doesn't mean you can't be prepared! The Happiest Kid on Campus is a witty and wise guide to everything you need to know about the college experience. Harlan Cohen, America's most trusted college life expert, delivers the best advice, facts, stats, tips, and stories from parents, students, and experts across the country to ensure that you and your child will have an incredible and meaningful college experience.

The Summer Before
· What, when, and how to prepare
· The emotional roller coaster

Paying the Bills
· Financial aid tricks and tips
·Budgets, books, and the best campus jobs

Calling, Texting, and Facebooking
· New ways to keep in touch
· How much is too much

The First Few Months
· Move-in, roommates, and homesickness
· What not to do when you're missing them

To A or Not to B
· Professors, grades, and actually going to class
· When to step in (and when not to)

Keeping Them Safe
· Drinking, partying, and other things your kid might not be doing
· Knowing your campus support resources

About this title

About the Author

Harlan Cohen's syndicated advice column for people in their teens and twenties, Help Me, Harlan!, is distributed by King Features Syndicate, and appears in papers such as the Chicago Tribune, Dallas Morning News, and Seattle Times. Harlan tours college campuses giving presentations to orientation groups. He lives in Chicago, IL.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Introduction

The New

College Parent

“No matter what happens, remember that we are proud of you.”

On a note my mom wrote to me when she dropped me off my freshman year—Gracie, junior, UC–San Diego

The New College Parent

Welcome, young parent. (I know you might feel old having a kid in college, so I used the word “young” in the first sentence of the book to help make this a happier experience.) Welcome to your child’s college experience. It’s so real you can see it all, hear it all, and sometimes, even smell it all. You are more connected, have access to more information, pay more, want to be more involved, and are more likely to email, call, text, tweet, Facebook, fix, force, solve, strong arm, and make sure your child is as comfortable as possible.

As your son or daughter walks through the college experience, you are literally in your child’s hand. You are with him or her in class, during exams, while eating in the dining halls, studying at night, going to parties, coming home in the early morning, and sleeping over at a “friend’s” room (just resting, nothing else). You are there on the very best days and the very worst ones too. All it takes is a push of a button and you can be there to comfort, guide, support, advise, elevate, empower, excite, motivate, love, and just listen. And more than ever, college students are calling, emailing, texting, and reaching out. You are more accessible, more present, and more a part of the college experience than any generation of parents before you. You are The New College Parent.

People look at me cross-eyed when I tell them that we talk to our son on average every other week. Other parents tell me they talk to their kids every day. That’s fine. Whatever works for you! He knows we’ll call if something is really important, and we know he’ll do the same. In between calls, I’ll send him a text from work once in a while just to tell him I miss him.

—Mom of college sophomore

Twenty years ago, parents were lucky to hear about a child’s problems during a weekly call; drama that unfolded on Monday was hardly important six days later on the following Sunday. Today a parent often hears about an issue as it unfolds in real time. Even worse, sometimes a student resolves the issue and forgets to tell the parent. So while the student has moved on to the next problem, he forgets to tell Mom or Dad. Meanwhile Mom and Dad are busy working to find a solution to the first problem, and the student has already moved on to the next problem. Drama unfolds quickly in college. Twenty-five years ago a child in college would talk to Mom or Dad once a week or less. Today some students are in contact with a parent several times a day.

A parent doesn’t just hear about a messy roommate; now you get to see a live video feed of your kid’s roommate’s dirty underwear on your child’s bed (yes, that’s the new bedding you just bought under that dirty underwear).

My roommate’s mom gives her a wake-up call every morning. And then there’s at least two more phone calls a day. But she doesn’t seem to mind it. Her mom will even text her while we are at parties and tell her not to drink too much, which I think is a little strange. My mom and I talk about once every two days for about thirty minutes. If I sound homesick or upset on the phone (even though I would never tell her), she figures it out and there is either a card or a small package in the mail for me two days later. I know my mom misses me, but we made a deal that I wouldn’t come home and she wouldn’t come here for the first month. I am so glad we decided to do that. It has made it so much easier to become adjusted, and I feel like I’m not as homesick, because I get to spend weekends meeting people and making new friends instead of spending time at home with my old friends.

—Erica, freshman

Before you roll your eyes and think this is all crazy, it’s important to understand that students are willing participants in this relationship. Some children like having you as an active participant. Some will never tell you to stop. Some will ask you to call them in the morning with a wake-up call (and you better not). When something happens in the life of a first-year student, many times they want their parents to be involved.

When there’s good news to share, this is fantastic. When it’s not such good news, it’s not so fantastic. Sometimes they just want you to listen. Other times they want help working through the situation. Sometimes they want you to swoop in and solve the problem.

The amount of information, the kind of information, and the way you’re getting the information is something no parent before you has had to process. Whether you are hands-on or hands-off, you’re always close enough to lend a hand. Whether your student lives on campus or commutes, you risk seeing things and hearing things that will pull you into this experience. And students love that you love to solve problems, so if you let them, they might be willing to let you solve it all.

THE ROLE OF PARENTS ACCORDING TO ONE UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT

The relationships parents have with the university can now be called in loco amicus, friends of the community and partnership.

—Dr. E. Gordon Gee, president, The Ohio State University

Being so involved and so accessible means that parents need to know more. They need to understand the college experience. They need to have a baseline of what’s normal and what’s not. They need to be informed and aware so they can alleviate problems, instead of elevating them. They need to get comfortable with the uncomfortable so they can guide, support, and help their children do the same. How a parent responds to the constant ticker tape of breaking news and emotions is a direct reflection of how much parents know and how comfortable parents can get with the uncomfortable.

My roommate had his girlfriend over for the night. I sent a text to my dad: “Should I go in to go to bed, or what?” He said, “Just do it.” I then noisily said good night to the rest of my suitemates and entered the bedroom. Turns out they were asleep; they weren’t doing anything. Phew.

—Christopher, freshman

College is 90 percent amazing and 10 percent difficult (or a bunch of BS). A new college parent who understands the 10 percent difficult can keep the 10 percent from taking up 100 percent of your time and your child’s time. That’s what this book is about. The tips, stories, and suggestions will help you develop a baseline so you can calm your fears, find answers, and help your child have the very best college experience.

My College Experience:

I Never Saw It Coming

Before I share the story of my first-year experience with you, I want to make it clear that my college experience was overwhelmingly amazing. It just so happens that my 10 percent BS came during the first few months of college life. I’m grateful to have experienced it and lucky I didn’t have a cell phone, email, or the ability to stay more connected to my family, friends, and long-distance girlfriend. If so, I don’t know if I would have been able to get to know myself so well and grow up so fast.

My college experience started when I was ten years old. I was in the backseat when we dropped my oldest brother off on the campus of Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana. As we drove back home, my mom said, “I’ll only cry to Indianapolis.” As she puts it, “I sobbed to Martinsville, I cried to Indianapolis. And I whimpered all the way to Chicago.” Three years later, my other brother went off to begin his college experience. He drove himself to campus and moved right into the fraternity house.

We had to call the police on two parents. One mom complained that the room was too small for a double. The other mother in the room told her to relax. That’s when the demanding mother slapped her.

—Sophomore, resident assistant

Five years later, my own college experience began. As the car rolled down the driveway, my stomach rolled too. I was anxious, excited, nervous, sad, and sick to my stomach. I knew this was the next step in my life, but to me it felt more like I was being pushed. Life was good at home. I had friends, a girlfriend, and people who liked me. When it came to researching my college decision, I didn’t do a lot of it. I knew I wanted a big school experience, but didn’t do enough research to know why. I decided to attend the University of Wisconsin in Madison. UW–Madison had a great reputation, and I thought it might be a good fit (whatever a good fit is for someone who doesn’t know what it means to find a good fit).

What could go wrong?

After two and a half hours, we arrived on campus. My parents and brother stayed long enough to help move me in, not long enough to embarrass me. They said their goodbyes and drove back to Chicago.

I watched their car leave and felt so incredibly alone. I had no cell phone to call them. There was no email to write, no text to send. I was on my own.

I headed up to my room to hang out with my roommate for the first time. We had talked on the phone once or twice to discuss what each of us would bring. He was relaxed about everything. The fact that he was so relaxed made me even more anxious.

We talked for a few minutes. He said his number-one goal was to not go into rehab like his older brother. Minutes later, he reached into his backpack and pulled out some sort of shrubbery. I wasn’t familiar with this particular shrub. He offered me a hit. I told him I was full (I didn’t know what else to say). The next week, he moved out. He wanted to be with someone who partied (not that this would help his goal of not going into rehab).

This wasn’t the way things were supposed to be with my roommate. My roommate was supposed to be a best friend. He ...

About this edition

• Publisher: Sourcebooks
• Publication date: 2010
• ISBN 10: 1402239424
• ISBN 13: 9781402239427
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 618