The MILF Diet: Let the Power of Whole Foods Transform Your Body, Mind, and Spirit . . . Deliciously! - Hardcover

Porter, Jessica

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 1451655681 ISBN 13: 9781451655681

Publisher: Atria/Emily Bestler Books, 2013

Synopsis

From the acclaimed author of The Hip Chick’s Guide to Macrobiotics, the MILF diet is what happens when the Skinny Bitch grows up and gets married.

A true milf is confident, sexy, and radiates natural femininity. By eating whole, plant-based foods, you, too, can find balance and dynamic health, and unleash your inner MILF. It’s simple: you are what you eat. So, to fulfill your true potential for health, happiness, and MILFiness, it’s best to avoid refined sugars, processed foods, dairy, and meat. But it’s not as scary as it sounds, and you’ll soon discover why. With recipes like Lemony Quinoa Salad; Oven- Roasted Root Vegetables with Garlic, Cumin, and Herbs; Edamame Dip; and Poached Pears with Raspberry Sauce, the MILF Diet is not only easy to follow, it’s delicious and slimming, too.

Jessica Porter has been a teacher of healthy cooking and hypnotherapy for over fifteen years, and she brings her wealth of knowledge to The MILF Diet in the form of holistic philosophy, mouth-watering recipes, and a fun and digestible enumeration of the health benefits of MILFy foods.

By eating the whole, natural, and tasty foods of the MILF Diet, you’ll not only turn back the clock and find inner balance, you’ll strengthen your immune system and reduce your risk of serious disease. You’ll learn why seaweed makes your skin dewy while keeping your hair strong and lustrous, and discover how to harness peak physical energy and mental clarity from whole grains. The best part is, the MILF Diet is simple, delicious, and totally lifechanging.

About this title

About the Author

Jessica Porter is the author of The Hip Chick’s Guide to Macrobiotics. Formerly a private whole foods chef and the manager of The Way to Health Program at the Kushi Institute in Becket, Massachusetts, Jessica is also a certified hypnotherapist, specializing in hypnosis for childbirth.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

The term “MILF” means, in slightly more titillating verbiage, “mother with whom I’d like to fornicate.” According to Wikipedia,

“M.I.L.F.” denotes a sexually attractive older female, generally between 30 and 50 in age and not necessarily an actual mother. The term was popularized by the film American Pie (1999), though the origin of the term predates this [as it was] already used for years on the Internet.

These days, “MILF” has become a compliment. While other names for sexy women have remained stuck to the brothel floor, “MILF” has picked itself up, crawled out the door, and marched with pride into the local health food store. That’s because there’s something more to “MILF.” Something almost magical about it. I’ve seen it in the eyes of every woman whom I’ve told about The MILF Diet. First the teensiest bit of shock and then a wonderful expression of joy. “I love it!” they said, time and time again. Nine out of ten women surveyed had good feelings about the term “MILF.”

And then it revealed itself in a flash of neurological lightning: “MILF” is evolutionary. “MILF” acknowledges that women can—and do—stay sexy and vital, and that mothers can turn heads as well. Clean, pure, and the Madonnas of a certain Madonna/whore complex: MOTHERS.

Finally. We MILFs have been waiting for the last two thousand years to get our sexuality back. Ever since Mary played the Immaculate card in Bethlehem, our culture has been struggling with a fundamental split: women are unconsciously perceived as either good girls or good-time girls, either naughty or nice.

What a drag for us MILFs! We knew that our C cups were for fun and function. We knew that we could change a diaper and look smoking hot—just not always at the same time, thank you very much. There was no actual split in us. And, frankly, it’s been painful to constantly—and often unconsciously—have to choose one side of ourselves over the other.

But “MILF” saves the day! Suddenly we can be mothers (or the age of mothers) and be considered frisky in the bedroom. With “MILF” comes the acknowledgment of the complexity and beauty of womanhood.

And what’s best about “MILF” is that the term was generated by men, for men. It’s not some politically correct label we’re trying to shove down their throats. Perhaps the term “MILF” is evidence that a healing is going on in our newly minted males. Maybe it’s because they were brought up by sexy, cool, independent women . . . MILFs themselves. Maybe it’s because there are just some very sexy mothers out there, pushing their carts at Whole Foods. No matter its origins, I’m suggesting we co-opt this term and wear it with pride. Because it reunites sexuality and the great maternal gifts of womanhood, it’s a four-letter word we can get behind.

Okay, okay. “MILF” may not save marriages. Or heal nations. But it does, like the Madonna/whore complex, do its work quietly and subconsciously within the culture. With “MILF” comes a positive, deep, and pleasurable recognition that we women are fantastic in our fecundity, are wired to love deeply, and can be thoroughly naughty in bed. Stuff we knew all along. Finally, the men are figuring it out.

And these days, with yoga classes on every corner and Eckhart Tolle on every bedside table, your average MILF is working on her higher self, too. She is exploring another dimension that takes her personal power to the next level. In this book, we address that plane of consciousness and unite it again, appropriately, with motherhood, sexuality, and the other lovely attributes of MILFiness.

The age of the MILF is upon us, and it’s about freaking time.

How Does a MILF Stay MILFy?

One of the quickest routes to natural MILFiness is through food; by eating whole, natural foods and letting go of processed, crappy “food,” the female body finds its peaceful home again. Extra pounds simply fall away. Inner hardness softens. The plumbing works much better. You step off that horrible emotional roller coaster and a wonderful clarity descends.

Happily, these foods will also significantly reduce your risk of decidedly un-MILFy conditions like osteoporosis, diabetes, heart disease, and breast cancer. Whole grains will leave you feeling energized, yet relaxed and clearheaded. Sea vegetables will make your skin all dewy and your hair stronger and shinier. Bye-bye, tracksuits! Hello, cute tennis outfits! Your DILF won’t know what hit ’im.

But that’s not all; by sticking close to Mother Nature in our food choices, that “witchipoo” intuition we each carry inside becomes sharp, dependable, and loud. You will become more sensitive to vibrations and less a victim of the material world and its follies. You will start working more from the creative right hemisphere of your brain and less from the noisy, logical left. You will find your own inner balance and a whole new dimension to your feminine power. This is cruising at high MILFitude.

And the sex? Well, sex changes, too. The MILF diet will bring you back home to your body. Every single buzzing cell of it. So instead of focusing on the finish, you will relish the journey again. Rubbing up against your DILF will blow your mind, because by merely being in his presence, open and MILFy, your opposite energy fields collide and start their fireworks. Remember, you radiate a powerful, womanly, nourishing force. Your very essence makes a man feel strong and alive.

To stay MILFy is to keep a certain feminine je ne sais quoi alive and kicking. And yet, that mysterious element may not be so mysterious. In Chinese philosophy, the feminine principle is called yin, a soft and receptive force. In the West, the closest we come to describing the feminine might be Mother Nature, as we acknowledge her uniquely female qualities.

Natural femininity exists—perfectly intact—inside of you. You don’t need to chant about it, or wear the right fertility amulet, or even understand it in an intellectual way. This energy is you. You are it. By being born with a set of ovaries, a uterus, and a functional set of boobs, you are a card-carrying member of the Yin Club, and head pom-pom waver on Mother Nature’s cheerleading squad.

In Taoist thought, opposite (yet complementary) forces come together to make all things. Although we in the West recognize sets of opposites like sperm and egg, man and woman, oil and vinegar, we tend to reduce them to their material, mechanical components. We love to whip out the microscope and analyze them, reducing them further to ittier and bittier parts. But in the East, each member of any duality is thought to be backed by a fundamental force of nature: yin or yang. To the Eastern mind, everything can be seen through this lens of yin and yang. And if that language is too weird, let’s swap it for “expansion and contraction.” For instance, plants expand in the summer and contract in the winter. The tide rolls in and the tide rolls out. At this very moment, your heart is expanding and contracting. Ditto your lungs. All these rhythms are created by the natural attraction between these two opposite forces, which are at play on every level of existence.

No matter where we look, we continually find layer after layer of this duality—more expanded elements connecting with more contracted elements—whether it’s electrons balancing protons, hydrogen meeting oxygen, or Fred Astaire spinning Ginger Rogers. This simple, elegant dance is taking place in, around, and throughout our bodies every moment of the day.

So, if men and women make up one of the great, dynamic, and mysterious dualities of nature, we—as MILFs—are governed by one side of the energy spectrum. We represent, if you will, the more expanded side of things: Our bodies are naturally softer. We get fat more easily. Our breasts and butts and hips are lovely and expanded. We open and expand to receive a lover. We expand to grow babies and we expand even more to give birth to them. And once the little darlings are born, we expand, emotionally and psychically—again and again and again—to make room for them and give them what they need.

In terms of communication, we express ourselves more easily and, whereas men can at times seem linear, analytical, or locked up inside themselves (contracted), women are generally bursting forth (expanded) with feelings, or words, or heartfelt advice for a friend.

Even science is showing that men’s and women’s brains are significantly different; men tend to stay a little more stuck in their left hemisphere, while the female connects back and forth between hemispheres more quickly and easily. With larger deep limbic systems, we tend to be more connected to our feelings, to other people, and to our internal worlds. We are sensitive creatures, easily bruised, and all our estrogen makes us eager to diffuse tension. Whereas men are coded to defend and protect (contract), we women bond and connect (expand)—that’s our thing. Of course, we all have access to both sides of the spectrum (men express love; women can defend), but, just as it’s naturally easier to write with one of your hands than the other, each gender has its dominant mode.1

And these natural feminine gifts are powerful; one could argue that the world needs more of them these days. It is connection that makes a strong family, a healthy neighborhood, or a united world. It is this feminine principle that forges communication, empathy, and love. A woman in touch with her natural femininity creates a space for others to be welcomed and received. She helps people to grow into themselves. She nourishes and supports.

But modern eating has messed with us. With the dubious “luxury” of convenience foods, we are ingesting decidedly unnatural chemicals, preservatives, dyes, and stabilizers. By eating animal products at every meal, day in and day out, we’re developing a dull insulation of saturated fat and stressing out our internal organs. Thanks to the factory farming of livestock, our bodies have been bombarded with excess hormones that interrupt the delicate balance of our own endocrine systems. With white sugar creeping into everything, our immune systems are weakening, our bones are becoming brittle, and we can be reduced to emotional wrecks by the loss of a good parking spot. Caffeine—the most popular drug on the planet—is messing with our hearts and our precious fertility and making us wrinkly and anxiety-ridden. Some of us are becoming too hard: rigid, tight, and aggressive—sort of like men. Other women are getting weak—physically and emotionally—and becoming needy and dependent. But many of us indulge in all extremes, so we’re a mixed bag of weird vibes; angry and weepy, arrogant and scared.

Because the MILF diet is made up of whole foods, cooked according to simple, natural principles, it will bring your body, mind, and spirit back into balance. You will begin to connect with the fundamental rhythms of your body, the seasons, and the natural world.

If you have a hard time connecting with your sensitivity and inner softness, this diet will help you stop and smell the roses. If you give endlessly and feel as if you’re disappearing, MILFy foods will help you rediscover that line between yourself and others, and you will begin to dance it happily. Nature is continually seeking balance; you should be, too. As you cook MILFier foods for your family, you will begin to wield an ancient womanly power. You will begin to create a stronger, saner, and happier world.

But don’t worry. The MILF diet won’t render you Birkenstocked (unless that’s your thing), nor will you grow your hair too long with a bad case of the frizzies. By realigning with this energy, you will become more beautiful, powerful, and ridiculously alive than you’ve ever been. And finally, by eating this way, you will start to turn back the clock; your skin will glow, you will drop pounds effortlessly, and you will have the energy of a teenager. Instead of Father Time having his way with you, you will turn on your stiletto and deliver him a saucy little slap in the face.

Long live the MILF.

What Is the MILF Diet?

The MILF diet is designed to help you stay balanced, happy, and healthy by helping you harmonize with nature. It includes the following:

Whole grains: It begins with organic whole grains. Brown rice, millet, quinoa, whole oats, barley, spelt, and other cereal grains, in their whole, unpolished form, make up the center of the diet. Packed with slow-burning complex carbohydrates, fiber, vitamins, and minerals, these lovely graceful seeds keep the body feeling both energized and relaxed. Whole-grain products, like bread and pasta, are totally legal, but take a backseat to the whole grains themselves.

Vegetables: Grains are balanced by lots and lots of vegetables. And in order to support her feeling truly balanced, the MILF selects a variety of vegetables that grow in various ways: upward-growing leafy greens like kale, collard greens, and bok choy (rich in chlorophyll, calcium, vitamin K, and other nutrients); round vegetables such as onions, squash, and cabbage (sweeter, full of complex carbohydrates and antioxidants); and downward-growing root vegetables such as carrots, parsnips, and burdock (satisfying, grounding, and also rich in minerals and vitamins). Ideally, vegetables are organic, locally grown, and eaten in season.

Proteins: For protein, the MILF diet reaches in the plant-based direction, but not exclusively. Beans such as kidney, pinto, adzuki, garbanzo, lentil, and Great Northern, along with soybeans and their products (tofu, tempeh), make up the greatest source of protein in the MILF diet. Nuts and seeds play an important role by adding protein, as well as a satisfying richness, and can be made into butters or sauces or just sprinkled on dishes.

The MILF diet can be practiced vegan-style but doesn’t have to be. In terms of meat, the diet leans toward white-fleshed fish, because it is easily digested and lower in fat (and therefore lower in toxins). No food is a strict no-no on the MILF diet, because every MILF is a free agent, encouraged to explore her body’s relationship to all foods; but for the purposes of her optimum health, the suggested serving of fish is one or two servings per week, if any.

Sea vegetables: The MILF diet also harvests plants from the sea: sea vegetables such as nori, wakame, and arame play a consistent and important role in the MILF diet. Rich in easily absorbed minerals, sea vegetables build stronger bones and hair and beautify the skin. They even perform quite magical acts like discharging heavy metals and radioactive isotopes from the body.

Natural sweets: Because girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, the MILF diet does not wag its finger at sweets. Using sweeteners that are high in complex carbohydrates, like rice syrup and barley malt, MILFs stay satisfied without experiencing all the nasty problems associated with white, refined sugar. From natural sweeteners come cookies, pies, cakes, and creamy desserts. Fruit and fruit juices keep the average MILF sweet and happy as well.

Fermented foods: Finally, the MILF diet includes fermented foods, in the forms of unpasteurized pickles, soy sauce, and miso. Natural fermentation helps build immune-boosting intestinal flora and adds digestive enzymes to the mix. Like sea vegetables, miso is a total superfood with rich nutritional benefits and tumor-inhibiting properties. Using the basic ingredients of the MILF diet, many supplemental dishes can be concocted; whether it’s a bean dip, a creamy vegetable spread, or a luscious pesto sauce, whole foods can form the base for all the foods that make lif...

Edition details

• Publisher: Atria/Emily Bestler Books
• Publication date: 2013
• ISBN 10: 1451655681
• ISBN 13: 9781451655681
• Binding: Hardcover
• Language: English
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 368