Living More Than OK: Spiraling Up To Abundant Living - Softcover

Coulson, Frank

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1491828315 ISBN 13: 9781491828311

Publisher: AuthorHouse, 2013

Synopsis

Do you merely exist through each day? Do you ask yourself "is this all there is to life?" Then you are just living ok and that is not what your life is meant to be. Living More Than OK ... Spiraling Up To Abundant Living, takes you on a reflective journey on aspects of Positive Psychology, and other related concepts to help you to move beyond going through the motions to thriving with purpose and enjoying life to the full!

About this title

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Living More Than OK

Spiraling Up To Abundant Living

By Frank Coulson

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2013 Frank Coulson M. Ed., M. Div., LPC
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4918-2831-1

Contents

Foreword, vii, 
1. The Problem of Just Existing—Boredom, 1, 
2. Why Consider Living More Than OK?, 12, 
3. The Importance of Becoming A Bookhead, 21, 
4. Living More Than OK Using Critical Thinking, 30, 
5. Tapping Into Your Creativity, 44, 
6. Making The Most Of Your Time/Savoring Life, 60, 
7. Be Open To Happenstance, 80, 
8. Dream Big and Reach Your Goals, 94, 
9. Walking the Pride and Arrogance Tightrope (Self Esteem), 107, 
10. Don't Stay On The Mat—Bounce Back With Resilience, 118, 
11. Spiritual Beings In A Material World, 140, 
12. Follow Your Purpose With Passion, 159, 
13. Aim For Natural Highs, 177, 
14. Thankfulness As A Lifestyle, 197, 
15. Take a Risk For More Possibilities, 209, 
Final Thoughts, 227, 

CHAPTER 1

The Problem of JustExisting—Boredom

Why would a person begin their book looking at the subject ofboredom? My thoughts on living a more than ok life relatesto my observation over the years that too many of us do not liveup to all the potential we have in us. Throughout my life I havebeen more of an introverted observer of life around me and thepeople around me. Through all the various stages of life I have seenboredom as a part of what I call living just an ok existence. It ismerely getting by or just existing.

Most everyone remembers growing up and going to school andeither observed or even experienced boredom in school. Ofcourse the levels of boredom varied from student to student. I willadmit I experienced this boredom as well even though I believe Iexperienced it less than some as I will mention in a future chapter.There were some teachers who would make education come aliveand some with whom we just endured the time boringly watchingfor the clock to reach 3:15pm for the end of the school day. Onereason as students Summer was so exciting is it meant a break fromschool. Yet even today I will speak with parents who state theirchildren by the end of Summer are bored at home and look forwardto school again. I remember that same feeling.

One of my early jobs in between my college years was workingshipping and receiving at a company in Ohio. My work setting wasfast-paced so the day would often go quickly. During slow periodsthough, the hours would drag on as if they would never end. In thissetting I would observe my fellow workers who were bored as well.

For many the main focus of their lives came across as waiting for 5pm on Friday to get their paychecks and rush out to the bars. Justto do the whole routine the following week. Many people are thesame just living for the weekend. They keep the cycle going of justexisting week by week.

Later after college, I would see this attitude in companies I wouldwork at in the Chicago area as well. I observed too many livinglives of quiet desperation and boredom. This reminded me of thequote by Henry David Thoreau "Most men lead lives of quietdesperation and go to the grave with the song still in them." Thereseemed to be no passion or meaning to life. People's existence ofsimply going through the workday cycle and getting a little pleasureon the weekend. I found myself thinking—is this all there is to life?Is this the way we were meant to live? Of course growing up as aChristian I personally believed the statement of Christ, "I am comethat you may have life, and keep on having it in abundance" John10:10. So that meant to me that we were meant to live better thanworking day in and day out with a little respite on the weekend.This was the beginning of my thinking that we are meant to livemore than OK.

My primary reading and research on boredom began about 10years ago. I began reading up on the issue of boredom and life.This resulted from an encounter I had with a student in my officefor Career Counseling, who happened to be struggling with hisclasses. In the discussion of what was the main problem other thanuncertainty on a career focus, he mentioned that he was easilybored with his classes, especially the liberal arts basic courses.Boredom would overtake him and he would start skipping class.Over the next couple years, I informally kept track of students whobrought up boredom as a negative effect on their education and life.Within one semester alone at least 14 students brought up the issueof boredom as a major factor in their difficulty with college. Theyall happened to be on probation for their grades. As I read literatureon boredom, it affirmed what I was seeing in some of the students,that boredom can negatively affect students' progress.

Also in a College Success course I taught for Freshman students, Iwould do a variety of reflection statements. Their responses on lackof purpose and passion probably remains the most important forcein my thinking behind this book concerning living life more thanok. I have spoken with many students over the past 10 years whostruggle with their grades because they are bored with college. Iwould be a rich man if I had a dollar for every time I have heardthe word bored from students on the campuses I have worked onin the past years. In discussing boredom further with some of thestudents it is often because they lack a sense of meaning in lifeor do not have a set direction. They are just like the workers atthe company who were just living week end to week end. I alsoobserved a connection with the media driven age we live in, so thestudents are bombarded with stimulation on all the videos and TVshows they watch. So they easily become bored when the rest of lifeis not that stimulating.

On one reflection as to why students are not proactive in seekinghelp one student's comment stood out to me. She stated, "Some,like me, feel we should be able to handle what life throws at us.Then when overwhelmed we don't seek help because we willslough through it." Her thoughts reminded me again of Thoreau's'view of people living "lives of quiet desperation." Just getting by, justexisting, which corresponds to my thought of just living ok. Thosewho state that famous quote of Thoreau often neglect the end ofthat quote which is the most important part—"go to the grave withthe song still in them." That song is the abundant living. Learning tolive out the song that has been put in the hearts of all of us makeslife more than ok. That is one hope I have in writing this book thatreaders can move beyond sloughing through life and tap into theirsong of abundant living.

In all of my reading books and articles about boredom a quotethat struck me about boredom is from Lars Svendsen, a Philosophyprofessor in Norway. In his book A Philosophy of Boredom hestates—"Boredom is inhuman as it robs human life of meaning, orpossibly it is an expression of the fact that such a meaning is absent."(page 33). I like how Dr. Svendsen mentions that a life of boredomrobs our lives of meaning. When reading his description of theeffects of boredom on our life existence I pictured in my mind adry desert with cracks in the ground, dry craggy rocks and witheredbrown brush. This is how I view people's lives who are just existingin life—all dried up with no vitality. The life of boredom is as dryand lifeless as a desert. No excitement or passion along with thethought of robbing our lives of meaning.

Research studies and books about boredom show that boredom isrelated to a host of negative problems that face us in destroying ourhuman potential. Boredom relates closely to depression and anxietydisorders. Boredom does not equal these mental and emotionalmaladies but is often a precursor. Prolonged boredom can turninto these disorders. Loneliness, and a sense of hopelessness in lifeare factors that relate to boredom. Boredom also affects the senseof meaning and purpose we have in our life journey. Much ofLars Svendsen's book relates to the connection between the lackof purpose and meaning and the increased levels of boredom in aperson's life.

Boredom has been shown to lead to risky behaviors. Criminalsbehavior among juveniles occur often due to boredom. They areseeking ways to combat boredom so wind up doing crimes to breakout of the boredom. This then can spiral then down a path to morecrime. Also much of the research on alcohol and drug abuse is seenas a way people are trying to counter boredom. They are lookingfor an easy quick way to feel excitement. The problem is the easyquick fix leads to the ensuing addictions which then lead to deeperproblems. So boredom relates to increased negativity in life.

In my work with college students I always emphasize there is somuch potential in life for their personal fulfillment and doing greatthings. Are we robbing ourselves from all that life can offer by livingboring lives of just ok? How can we reach for more potential inour lives and live more that OK? Just the word ok is intriguing tome. In naming my blog, which is the basis of this book; I thoughthow I often respond "OK" when I am asked how I am doing. Butisn't living just OK beneath our potential? Isn't OK living kind ofboring? Living in boredom is living in a cloudy maze similar to adepressive fog. Just OK living is going through the motions withno purpose or meaning. I remember during my most difficult timesin my life as I would be asked How are you doing? I would smileand say I am doing OK. The outward experience did not match theinner reality.

In the book Amusing Ourself to Death, the author brings up thatour oversaturated media culture has helped create higher levels ofboredom. People in our media driven age need to be stimulatedalmost continually or they become bored. Attention spans have beenreduced to the point that people can not take time to enjoy theroses on the journey of life. They can't take the time to listen. Theycan't take the time to enjoy the scenery around them. It is rush, rushbut where are they going. Just a boring rush from one place to thenext. Their lives are not improving they are just existing in ok mode.This is what I have observed in the experience of people I haveworked with and students I have helped. They can be going throughdifficulties and say everything is alright but it is not alright. Justexisting or going through hurts is not the way life is meant to be.

We are meant for more. We were created for a better life. Thestatement of Jesus comes to mind, "The thief does not come exceptto steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may havelife and that they may have it more abundantly." John 10:10. Thisis more the way I think we should be living life. Abundant livingis living life to the fullest. Boredom as the earlier quote states is arobber that steals from our living and destroys and in some casessadly, even kills. Abundant living helps us to live to our fullest Godgiven potential. This book seeks to explore how we can movebeyond boredom to living a joyful and abundant life? The journeywe were meant to live.

In being open and accepting of our humanness we need to beaware from the previous discussion, that in our life journey lettingboredom control us into living in ok mode has a tendency to makemesses in our lives. At times we are our own worst enemy towardsliving an abundant life which I term Living More Than OK. We fallinto wrong behaviors or harmful thought patterns that affect ourbehaviors. Sometimes it is a negative reaction to chance events inour lives.

As I look at my life journey overall I have had low levels ofboredom but there was a time period where the levels weredangerously high. There was a point in time where I was in astressful work environment at the same time I was experiencedifficulties in a personal relationship. At that same time period mymother passed away from a stroke. Then the very next year I had anolder brother, who was mentally disabled due to an early childhoodaccident and later substance abuse; diagnosed with end stage lungcancer. He had been a chain smoker since his teen years so itwasn't a surprise. Yet with mom gone it fell on my shoulders to bemaking end of life decisions for him. I was in Chicago and he wasin a nursing home in Akron, Ohio so with work stressful I did notneed the pressure of traveling back and forth but he was my brother.Thankfully I had a cousin who was a nurse at the facility wheremy brother's final days were that was an emotional help to himand myself. After my brother died, work became more of a stressorwhich caused me to crash emotionally as I had not really dealt withthe relationship problem, mom's death, and my older brother's death.Everything had been masked by keeping busy at work. For me thistime was of just existing and I had moved more into depression. Atwork people during this whole time period of personal difficultieswould ask how I was doing? I would always respond with a falsesmile, "I'm doing OK."

This all led up to a personal crash that was more of a deepdepression, where I was too dysfunctional to work and simply stayedreclusive in my apartment. As previously stated boredom is closelylinked to depression. The clouded mind, the heavy no hope spiritthat weighs one down as if a heavy chain is wrapped around thebody immobilizing the self. The next six months was staying inmy apartment and about the only time in my life I ever watcheda talk show on television. To me that was the epitome of boredom.Reduced to watching daytime talk shows. I think I even watchedOprah once. Much of the literature on boredom focuses in on thelack of meaning and purpose. I experienced that during this timeperiod. Often wondering if life was worth living and even one timeconsidering ending it all as I felt, what was the use of going on inlife that was simply pain and loneliness.

One evening when I was at my worst I kept mulling over what isthe purpose of living in such a life. I had stopped socializing at thechurch I had attended and my life was just a monotonous 24 hoursa day in my Chicago apartment. It was also middle of Winter whichcan be depressing enough in Chicago with day after day of greycloudy skies. In the middle of my evening on this most despondentday, I heard the apartment buzzer sound. For the past few days Ihad been ignoring phone calls and apartment buzzers. I decided tocheck it out. It was a Korean Pastor and his wife from one of thechurches I had been attending. They were asking me out to dinner.I reluctantly agreed. The conversation that night worked as a tippingpoint wake up call to start relooking at meaning that God had forme to attend to in my life.

The wake up call started me in realizing ending it all was notthe answer. I started to rebound as I reconnected with my socialnetwork in the churches I had been attending. Also I knew theimportance of Counseling so I sought out a Counselor to work onthe issues I had been burying. During the 6 months of reclusivenessit dawned on me I had not been reading which had always been abig part of my life so I used some bibliotherapy in reading booksrelevant to the issues I had been enduring in my life journey.During that difficult period as well, I took the time to reflect onhow I wanted the rest of my life to go. Times of meditation on thePsalms and solitude of prayerful reflection on my life journey helpedme make better Choices. A quote that meant much to me at thistime was "Listen to the quietest of whispers of your mind ... Theyare telling you the choices that will help you the most." (Dr. ShadHelmstetter). It is during times of quiet solitude where we can thinkthrough our lives and our future possibilities with deeper clarity.

As I mentioned in the forward I believe in the power of music.There is power for good and bad. I enjoy instrumental music andlyrical songs that have a positive or spiritual message and believewe can learn from songs. In relation to this chapter on boredomand just existing, I want to share first of all a song by the metalband RED, called Break Me Down which speaks to me about thebattle of boredom. I felt the lyrics were descriptive of the sense ofnothingness, being trapped in the shadows that we experience whenwe are controlled by boredom. The phrase, "I find a stranger trappedwithin" fits well with boredom as when boredom is with us toolong we do feel strange, as that is not the way we were created to be.

I am trying something in this book that in most chapters I willmention songs that I find insightful about life. I will just presentsome ideas about the songs. Hopefully that will entice you thereader, to go to the internet as all the songs I mention have videoson either Youtube.com or Vimeo.com. View the videos of the songsI mention and reflect your own thoughts of what the songs aresaying. I feel hearing actual songs will have more meaning to you.You can even simply place the song titles in your favorite searchengine as well such as Google or Bing and find videos of the songsas well. So I hope you go the extra mile and try this idea out.

Here are some of my thoughts from the lyrics as I think over ourbattle with boredom in life, We were made by our Creator to bepeople who have a need to find ourselves. We desire meaning as wehave innate curiosity to grow and learn and explore new things.Observe young children, their eyes are always darting about lookingat new objects in their environment with a deep curiosity. Boredomkeeps us trapped in the shadows of our comfort zone and hindersus from exploring new ideas, new places, new environments, newbooks. Just existing makes the individual feel like nothingnessis controlling them. The need is felt to break free of the sense ofnothingness.

The song speaks of wanting to shine. We were created to "shine".God has given each of us talents and natural gifts to help us enjoylife more and to brighten the lives of others around us. But insteadof shining with the talents we have our lives our dulled by thefeelings of nothingness in boredom. It tells us there is nothingspecial about us, that we can't do anything. There is that word can'tagain. By breaking out of the nothingness of boredom we are freeto shine in our talents so as to enjoy our life journey better and ourshine can help brighten others lives.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Living More Than OK by Frank Coulson. Copyright © 2013 Frank Coulson M. Ed., M. Div., LPC. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Edition details

• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Publication date: 2013
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1491828315
• ISBN 13: 9781491828311
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 238