An Idiot Aboard: The Utterly Useless Guide to Mediterranean Sailing - Softcover

Newbury, Bob

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1542521971 ISBN 13: 9781542521970

Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2017

Synopsis

An Idiot Aboard is one of a kind. It combines the travelogue and change of lifestyle genres and then tosses miscellanies of popular science and riffs on human nature and psychology into the mix. It effortlessly blends philosophical discussion with toilet humour (and toilet maintenance).

The author’s irreverent, dry humour and highly developed sense of the absurd produce reactions in the reader that range from laugh out loud guffaws through apoplectic indignation to wry grins of recognition.

At the core of the book is the story of a three year voyage by sailing boat to and around the Mediterranean. On the way, our protagonists encountered blockading French fishermen, sinister Mafiosi, forlorn refugees, the catamaran from Hell and the horrors of The Resort. Luckily, they narrowly escaped bumping in to Peter Mandelson and George Osborne. They were introduced to the dubious pleasures of pontoon politics and were mugged by an ape.

Woven into the narrative are musings on national stereotypes, French shopping idiosyncrasies, the nature of religious experience, the evolution of tribalism, how to annoy men of a certain age in yacht clubs, the ineffable vastness of space, the devastating consequences of electromagnetic pulses, why there really ought to be a ‘bollocks’ section in bookshops, survival tips for crossing the road in Italy, Greek bargaining tactics and the utter futility of trying to outsmart a Portuguese bureaucrat.

This is not just a book for sailors, although they will certainly enjoy it. It is a book for anyone who rails against the pompous, self-serving venality of politicians, paper-pushers, pundits and the press but can still take joy from the flight of fancy of visualizing them all being herded on stage at the end of the party conferences and forced to perform the birdie song (with actions).

About this title

About the Author

Bob qualified as a science teacher in the 1970s and has taught sporadically since then, interspersed with periods as a magazine editor, airport baggage handler, building site labourer (building a prison among other things), chemical plant technician, dustman, HGV driver, publican, Algarvian restaurateur and Mr. Whippy mobile ice cream vendor.

During his time teaching he managed to bluff his way to the dizzy heights of Head of Science and then Senior Teacher, a position in which he was foolishly given responsibility for such potentially disastrous activities as drawing up the school timetable and overseeing the implementation of the school’s computerised information management system. His luck held though, and he managed to get out before his incompetence caught up with him.

He has written a number of articles which have been published in newspapers as well as three in ‘Yachting Monthly’ and one in ‘Sailing Today’. He has been accurately summed up with the statement “If you want an opinion on something, Bob’s your man – whether he knows anything about it or not” - and that was from a friend.

This judgement is supported by unsolicited comments on the author’s website, which have described the style as ‘QI written by the cast of Grumpy Old Men’ and ‘Jeremy Clarkson for Guardian readers’.

He has been a vegetarian of wildly varying sorts since 1970.

He plays the tenor saxophone badly.
Liz qualified as a nurse in the 1970s and after a couple of episodes on general and geriatric wards she specialised in operating theatre nursing and then further specialised in Ear, Nose & Throat surgery.

She wanted to follow this process to its logical conclusion and eventually become highly specialised in just the left nostril, but this innovative approach was pooh-poohed by the hidebound medical establishment.

She goes along with the vegetarian stuff for a quiet life.

She has several pairs of ear-plugs.

Edition details

• Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
• Publication date: 2017
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1542521971
• ISBN 13: 9781542521970
• Binding: Paperback
• Illustrator: Matriano Carmelline
• Number of pages: 327