Out on Fraternity Row: Personal Accounts of Being Gay in a College Fraternity - Softcover

Lambda 10 Project

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1555834094 ISBN 13: 9781555834098

Publisher: Alyson Pubns, 1998

Synopsis

In a uncompromising and candid portrait of gay life on campus, more than thirty gay men describe their experiences inside college fraternities, their decision to either come out or keep silent, and the impact of that choice. Original. IP.

About this title

About the Author

The Lambda 10 Project works to heighten the visibility of gay, lesbian, and bisexual members of the college fraternity. Developed in the Fall of 1995 at Indiana University, the Lambda 10 Project serves as a clearinghouse for educational resources on issues surrounding sexual orientation and the fraternity/sorority experience. The clearinghouse has an interactive web forum at www.indiana.edu/~lambda10. The initiative emerges from the ongoing need for visible role models and for educational resources in countering the homophobic and heterosexist actions which pervade Greek life and threaten college campuses throughout the United States.

The Lambda 10 Project is an associate member of the Association of Fraternity Advisors and is housed in the Office of Student Ethics and Anti-harassment Programs at Indiana University, Bloomington, Indiana.Shane L. Windmeyer graduated from Emporia State University with a bachelors degree in Communication and received his master's degree in Higher Education and Student Affairs Administration from Indiana University. He joined Phi Delta Theta Fraternity in the Spring of 1992 while atting Emporia State University. He recalls coming out to his brothers as "one of his most rewarding undergraduate experiences." As a result, he created the Lambda 10 Project in the Fall of 1995 to help support gay fraternity brothers and to educate about issues of homophobia within the college Greek system.

Pamela W. Freeman is the Assistant Dean of Students and Director of the Office of Student Ethics and Anti-harassment Programs at Indiana University. She co-chairs the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual Anti-harassment Team and Racial Incidents Team. She has chaired the University Commission on Multicultural Understanding since 1991, served on the campus' Educational Task Force on Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual Concerns, and supervises the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual Student Support Services Office. She received her bachelor's and master's degree from Purdue University and her doctorate form The University of Tennessee, Knoxville.

From the Back Cover

This uncompromising first-person series of accounts of life inside that traditionally homophobic institution-the college fraternity-is riveting and brutally honest. Brotherhood, friship, and a chance to belong are the promises offered to young men by campus fraternities. But what if the young man happens to be gay? Will his brothers accept him, or will he lose his friships and his community? More than 30 men join voices in this emotionally charged and important anthology to tell their individual stories of coming out or keeping silent and how this decision changed their fraternal experience, their view of themselves, and even their lives. Also included are information and educational interventions on how to deal with homophobia in the college fraternity and how to encourage the Greek system to accept openly gay members. For anyone struggling with issues of trying to belong or being true to himself, "Out on Fraternity Row will provide the comfort of knowing he is not alone.

Dedicated to my fraternity brother Jon Moore, and the many brothers of Phi Delta Theta who gave me the courage to come out, the love to accept myself, and the brotherhood for a lifetime.

From the Inside Flap

A Chance To Belong...
Anonymous Letter to the Lambda 10 Project Dear Lambda 10 Project:

Being gay and a member of the Greek community has been a frustrating experience to say the least. Because of the intense paranoia people have about gay individuals, I have only admitted my sexual orientation to one other person. There is no doubt whatsoever that I would have been pushed out of my chapter had my homosexuality been revealed, and my fraternity experience meant too much to risk losing it that way. Therefore, if I wanted to stay Greek and active in my fraternity, I had to "be" straight. It wasn't hard, as I've had to do that my whole life. But I feel no one really knows me as I really am.

I am the kind of guy no one would ever think was gay, other than the fact that I haven't seriously dated a woman in a very long time. I'm straight-acting, frequently hit on by lovely women, president of my fraternity chapter as a senior... but as much as I want to be straight, I know I'm not, and I suppose I never will be. It's really difficult for me to realize that the contributions I made to one of our national fraternity's top chapters would be completely discounted had my sexuality been made public. I wasn't president of some lame chapter: we're one of the best they've got! And we're consistently selected as the top fraternity on campus. Yet for me to have admitted being gay would have instantly discredited me from any values I brought to the chapter.

One of our chapter brothers was coming to terms with his homosexuality, but found himself ostracized because of it. We were notified a couple of years later that he had committed suicide, feeling alone, and pushed aside from both family and fris. Yes, he was dealing with issues other than his sexuality that led to such a tragedy, but his inability to find acceptance from those he wanted it from was undeniably a significant factor. Yet I'm not sure things changed much in the minds of our active members and alumni.

I know of at least one other brother from our chapter who is gay, yet held significant leadership roles within the chapter while active. I wonder how many more? If our brothers could see what goes on in the minds of closeted gay members when homophobic slurs fly around the house, would they care? If I was truly a brother when I was seen as straight, why can't I be as a homosexual as well? My deep friship and unquestioning loyalty to my brothers and fraternity were never suspect before: why would my being gay change anything?

I am still closeted, and might possibly be so the rest of my life. I care too much about some relationships between relatives and fris to admit my sexuality right now. My parents are just not ready to handle that reality, and my fraternal friships still mean too much to throw them away. Yet I know that I will never be able to "act" my way to being straight.

I think the Lambda 10 Project will show that I'm not alone in my experience. There are many men in fraternities who are gay, but live a straight life for fear of being shunned. Some would really be surprised to learn of certain chapter members being gay. Indeed, I know of homosexual men in every fraternity on campus. But until the larger Greek community is ready to be a brother to another person regardless of his sexual orientation, these Greek members will continue to live a lie among their chapters, trading their true identity for a chance to belong.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Sean was the All-American kid. He was president of his fraternity and president of the IFC Council. He was a member of one of the largest fraternities on campus. He was also an Outstanding Greek Man his senior year and received a lot of the same honors that I had received. Like me, he also dated a girl from a sorority on campus. He was idolized and well respected by the Greek community, students and the faculty. He had even been offered a position with the university after graduation.

As you probably guessed, Sean was gay. At the time he was dating a sorority girl, he was also dating another fraternity member named "Matt." They had decided that Sean needed to date a woman as a "cover," so that they could continue their gay relationship. Sean and his lover thought they had planned everything perfectly. They were able to fool a lot of the people with their plan, until one day when everything was turned upside down for Sean.

Sean and Matt had skipped class to be together and alone from everyone. They had, however, forgotten to lock the door behind them at the fraternity house. One of the other fraternity brothers had stopped by the chapter house to see if Sean was there, and when he opened the door to Sean's room, he discovered them in bed together. He immediately became enraged with anger, and within hours he had notified the entire fraternity chapter about what he had witnessed at the house. Sean and Matt escaped from the fraternity house and were nowhere to be found. Sean's fraternity called an emergency meeting, and his brothers met to decide his fate as a member.

As the story has been told, they had decided to expel Sean from the fraternity and strip him of all honors. They did not want anything to do with a gay man being in their brotherhood. They did not even try to reach Sean for his side of the story. I tried several times to get the details of how things happened that day with Sean. Many of the people who were there that semester refused to talk about the incident. I believe many felt remorse and were saddened that they were not able to be more open and accepting of who Sean really was. It did not really matter what Sean's brothers had said or voted on that day at the fraternity house, because the state newspaper would tell Sean's story in the next day's headline.

Sean's story made the front page of the newspaper with a headline, "College Student Commits Suicide on Playground." Sean had been living at home his senior year with his parents, trying to save money. His parents lived near an elementary school. That is where they found Sean that morning after the revelation. Sean had committed suicide by hanging himself from the monkey bars. Sean knew that he had lost everything that he had worked so hard to obtain. He could not bear to think about what his fraternity brothers would do to him. Sean took his life into his own hands and decided to spare his brothers and his house the embarrassment. Sean did not want them to be plagued with the reputation of allowing homosexuals into the brotherhood of their chapter. Like so many young gay people, Sean became another number and statistic, with hundreds of others who have committed suicide--suicide because no one would listen, understand, or accept young gay people when they needed it the most.

Why did he have to die? Why could he not be the same person whom people admired and respected before the "horrible secret" came out? Why could they not have accepted the fact that Sean was in love with a man? Nothing had changed about who he was and what he was able to contribute to the Greek community.

Edition details

• Publisher: Alyson Pubns
• Publication date: 1998
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1555834094
• ISBN 13: 9781555834098
• Binding: Paperback
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 296
• Editor: Windmeyer Shane, Freeman Pamela W.