Human Services? ... That Must Be So Rewarding: A Practical Guide for Professional Development - Softcover

Bernstein, Gail S.

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1557660077 ISBN 13: 9781557660077

Publisher: Paul H Brookes Pub Co, 1989

About this title

About the Author

Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D., has been working in human services, health care, and education for more than 30 years. Her work with adults of all ages and with adolescents has taken her to group homes, high schools, supported living environments, long-term care facilities, private residential institutions, vocational habilitation programs, inpatient psychiatric hospitals, and outpatient psychotherapy offices. Dr. Bernstein earned her doctorate in 1978 from the University of Wisconsin–Madison, Department of Studies in Behavioral Disabilities, and is a licensed psychologist in Colorado. Her work includes her psychotherapy practice in Denver, training and consultation for helping professionals, and writing for both general and professional audiences in print and electronic media. She has clinical faculty appointments at the University of Denver School of Professional Psychology and the University of Colorado School of Medicine, Department of Psychiatry.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Excerpted from chapter 6 of "Human services? . . . That must be so rewarding." A Practical Guide for Professional Development, Second Edition, by Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D.

Copyright © 1999 by Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co. All rights reserved.

Working with Difficult People

The last part of this chapter concerns the process of interacting with people whose actions you find frustrating. Examples of difficult behavior include the following: the colleague who smiles and nods when you ask her to do something and then does not do it, the supervisor who yells at you when you say that he has not been clear, or your counterpart at another agency who does not return your calls. These are people with whom it is difficult to work. Their behavior may trigger strong emotional reactions in you, reactions that make it hard to behave calmly and proactively. There are three ways you can respond to people who act in problematic ways: 1) You can try to change their behavior, which is likely to be a slow process with no guarantee of success; 2) you can give in; or 3) you can cope. Coping involves contending with people on equal terms and is a way to establish a balance of power in a relationship (Bramson, 1981). People you find difficult to work with may have power over you; coping is a way to establish a balance of power in the relationship so that you can both get on with business (Bramson, 1981).

Suppose you work with someone you find difficult. You are constantly exasperated and frustrated by interactions with this person and, as a result, are unable to complete an important part of your job. You find yourself reacting to this person, rather than planning how to handle difficult situations in advance. Simply reacting will not help you in the long run because it places the difficult person in control. The following steps are designed to help you to proactively cope with the problem.

1. Is this a consistent problem? Ask yourself whether the person acts this way all the time or just in the current situation. If the problem is not one you typically have with this person, you may want to sit down with her and ask what is happening. If the problem is a continual one, move on to Step 2.

2. Get some distance from the situation. Choose a time and a place that remove you enough so that you can consider the problem calmly. For instance, if your problem is with the person in the office next to yours, then you may want to leave your office and find a quiet place farther away.

3. Describe in detail, preferably in writing, the behavior of the person you find difficult. For example, the following is Tyrone's description of a colleague who is a complainer. Every time Tyrone says more than "hello" to him, the colleague has something to complain about. Some of the things the colleague has said recently are as follows:

• "Have you heard the latest? There's another form to fill out before we can help people."
• "This coffee is terrible. Someone must be dumping motor oil in it."
• "That client is just going to take our money and gamble it away, and there isn't a thing we can do about it."
• "The boss is at it again. Now she wants us to have a goal-planning session. What a waste of time!"

4. Ask yourself how important it is that this situation change. We all have to make decisions daily about where to invest our time and energy. Consider whether this particular situation is worth investing your time and energy in trying to change it. If yes, continue.

5. Describe what you did and how you felt when faced with the behavior you listed. Describe your own actions in as much detail as possible. Here are some of Tyrone's sample responses to the complaints listed previously:

• "I don't think the new form is so bad."
• "Yes, the coffee does taste

Edition details

• Publisher: Paul H Brookes Pub Co
• Publication date: 1989
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1557660077
• ISBN 13: 9781557660077
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 157