The Essential Grandparent: A Guide to Making a Difference - Softcover

Carson, Lillian

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1558743979 ISBN 13: 9781558743977

Publisher: Hci, 1997

Synopsis

Ready or not, you're a grandparent! How did you get here so fast? No one consults you about this new role. It is handed to you without your advice or consent. So now that you're here at this new stage of life, the question before you is, what are you going to make of it?

This book will help you find your answer and assist you in developing a plan for your grandparenting. It will dispel the myths and "tell it like it is." You'll learn that other grandparents feel just as you do. It will guide you to become aware of the possibilities, encourage you to trust your intuition, and teach you how to set goals so that you can make the most of this essential role. Just as babies don't come with instructions for parents, they certainly don't come with instructions for grandparents!

The joys of grandparenting are available to all. It's healthy for us, the older generation, to nurture the young. It is our natural task to influence the future in this way. There are no requirements for a grandparent to be of a certain color, educational level, lifestyle or economic class. However, just loving our children and grandchildren is not enough. The joy comes from our ingenuity, energy and determination to provide stability and purpose. It is ours for the doing.

About this title

About the Author

Dr. Lillian Carson, D.S.W., L.C.S.W., Board Certified Diplomate in Clinical Social Work, is an authority on child development, parenting, and grandparenting. She is a psychotherapist in private practice in Los Angeles and Santa Barbara and has worked with adults, children and families for the past 25 years. Dr. Carson conducts groups and lectures, and has made numerous television appearances on the topics of child development, parenting and women's issues. She is listed in the World's Who's Who of Women and Who's Who of American Women. She lives in Montecino, California with her husband and enjoys grandparenting eight grandchildren.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

On Becoming a Grandparent I thought I had my life organized. Then I became a grandparent. The Things Nobody Talks About My first thought when my daughter told me she was expecting my first grandchild was, Oh no, someone else for me to take care of. I was dismayed by this ungrandmotherly thought, but there it was. Not that I didn't want to be a grandma, but the timing was not what I would have planned. My daughter, Carrie, and her husband were newly married and not yet established in careers. I was enjoying the relative freedom of having grown children, up and out and living their own lives, especially enjoying it because of my strong sense of responsibility for others, an attribute I ascribe largely to my being a first child. Now, like it or not, I was handed a new caretaking responsibility with a new set of demands. Besides, grandmothers were old, not like me. I was fifty-three, with a busy career and a joyful, new marriage after my widowhood at age fifty. But now, ready or not, I had a new role. I kept my thoughts to myself. It doesn't matter if you are eager for this new role or a bit wary, it happens anyway. We have no choice in our grandparenthood, even though it profoundly affects the rest of our lives. We're accustomed to having some measure of control and choice over matters that affect our lives. We choose our careers, our spouses and where we'll live. We have the option of parenthood, but our grandparenthood is not up to us. For some, this happy event may come too soon or too late. When grandparenthood arrives early in your thirties or forties, it does not coincide with the expected timetable and can be jarring. You are pushed into a senior role prematurely. A grandchild arriving when you're in your seventies or eighties will challenge your physical stamina, limiting your energy for active involvement. Others may find that the baby's arrival complicates their life by giving rise to new, nagging worries, concerns about the health of the new parents and child, financial problems, the stability of the parents' relationship or how they're raising the child. When told of her married daughter Emma's pregnancy, Aurora's lip began to tremble. "Emma, it's not the point . . . you shouldn't have . . . ," she said, suddenly on the verge of tears. "What's the point then?" Emma said. "Mee!" Aurora cried. "Don't you see? My life is not settled. Me! Who will I ever . . . get now? What man would want a grandmother? If you could . . . have waited . . . then I might have . . . got somebody." Later Emma said to her mother, "You're not going to lose your suitors." Aurora's expression was once again a little bemused. "I'm not sure that's why I cried. The shock may have made me jealous, for all I know. I always meant to have more children myself. . . . " —Terms of Endearment, Larry McMurtry The Age Thing Some new grandparents may be surprised by sadness or depression, for the advent of grandparenthood confronts them with their own aging. Bec

Edition details

• Publisher: Hci
• Publication date: 1997
• ISBN 10: 1558743979
• ISBN 13: 9781558743977
• Binding: Paperback
• Language: English
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 246