Reconcilable Differences, First Edition - Hardcover

Andrew Christensen; Neil S. Jacobson

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 1572302615 ISBN 13: 9781572302617

Publisher: The Guilford Press, 1999

Synopsis

Every couple has arguments, but what happens when recurring battles begin to feel like full-scale war? Do you retreat in hurt and angry silence, hoping that a spouse who "just doesn't get it" will eventually see things your way? Spend the time between skirmishes gathering evidence that you're right? Demand some immediate changes--or else? Whether due to innate personality traits or emotional vulnerabilities, there are some aspects of our behavior that are difficult to alter. But these differences do not have to get in the way of healthy, happy, and long-lasting romance. This practical guide offers new solutions for couples frustrated by continual attempts to make each other change. Aided by thought-provoking exercises and lots of real-life examples, readers will learn why they keep having the same fights again and again; how to keep small incompatibilities from causing big problems; and how true acceptance can restore health to their relationships.

Winner--Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies Self-Help Seal of Merit

About this title

About the Author

Andrew Christensen, PhD, is Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles. He has published widely on couple conflict and couple therapy. With Neil Jacobson, Dr. Christensen developed a treatment program for couples called Integrative Couple Therapy. Reconcilable Differences is a couples' guide to their approach. Currently, Dr. Christensen is directing a research study at UCLA and the University of Washington, sponsored by the National Institute of Mental Health, which examines the outcome of two important approaches to couple therapy, including Integrative Couple Therapy. This is the largest study to date of the effectiveness of marital therapy.

Neil S. Jacobson, PhD, was Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington until his death in 1999. One of the most widely cited family therapists in the world, he was author of 200 articles and 9 books. His contributions to the fields of family therapy and mental health were recognized by prestigious research awards from the American Family Therapy Academy, the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, and the National Institutes of Health.

From the Back Cover

Finally, a tested and therapeutic technique to help couples help themselves. It is straightforward, fair to both men and women, and each chapter is practical and wise. This is a book that couples can use together....It will help couples in crisis to see each other's humanity and to find a way to understanding and acceptance and yes, change (Pepper Schwartz, PhD, author of Love Between Equals).

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Contents
Acknowledgments
Preface
1. Three Sides to Every Story
I. The Anatomy of an Argument
2. "You're Wrong!": Relationship Problems as Faults
3. "How Can You Be That Way?": Relationship Problems as Incompatibilities
4. "Can I Give to You without Losing Me?": Incompatibilities over Love and Power
5. "I Do but I Don't": Confusing Incompatibilities
6. "You Know How to Hurt Me": Relationship Problems as Vulnerabilities
7. A Cure Worse Than the Disease: Relationship Problems as Solutions
II. From Argument to Acceptance
8. The Delicate Balance: Acceptance and Change
9. A Story of Our Own: Acceptance through Understanding
10. Walking in Your Partner's Shoes: Acceptance through Compassion
11. Getting Some Perspective on the Conflict: Acceptance through Tolerant Distance
III. Deliberate Change through Acceptance
12. The Dilemmas of Deliberate Change
13. How Good Advice Can Be Bad for Your Relationship: Accepting the Foibles of Rules
14. Why a New Approach Can Lead to the Same Old Thing: Using Your Own Story to Make Genuine Change
15. Lost Battles Can Win the War: How Change and Intimacy Can Emerge from Defeat
IV. When Acceptance Is Not Enough
16. "Don't Do That to Me!": Violence, Verbal Abuse and Infidelity
17. Call in the Professionals!: Couple and Individual Therapy
Appendix: Internet Resources
Bibliography
Index

Edition details

• Publisher: The Guilford Press
• Publication date: 1999
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1572302615
• ISBN 13: 9781572302617
• Binding: Hardcover
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 332