Just Kiss Me and Tell Me You Did the Laundry: A Guide to Negotiating Parenting Roles--From Diapers to Careers, Carpooling to Romance - Softcover

Bouris, Karen

9781579547608: Just Kiss Me and Tell Me You Did the Laundry: A Guide to Negotiating Parenting Roles--From Diapers to Careers, Carpooling to Romance

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1579547605 ISBN 13: 9781579547608

Publisher: Rodale Books, 2004

It's no secret that the bulk of the household management and childcare still falls to women, even if they work and make equal or more money than their partners. It's also no secret that women want this to change. Here is the book to help them design a more equal parenting arrangement with their partner, to give them a voice and a plan of action. By offering questions for discussion, exercises, and negotiation points (like planning the social calendar), couples can redefine roles and assign responsibility, increase communication, and give a welcome boost to their love life.

With the humor, wisdom, and advise gained from over 75 interviews with women and men, Just Kiss Me and Tell Me You Did the Laundry will help women have a more balanced home life and a more intimate marriage.

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Review:

In working families, mothers are still responsible for 70 percent of the household chores. What gives? While it's no longer unusual to see a father toting his kid around in a Baby Bjorn, it's still cause for celebration to witness a guy holding a toilet brush. To prevent bitterness from such unequal workloads from boiling over, mom Karen Bouris proposes a remedy in the form of an "Equal Parenting Agreement," or EPA, a written checklist of assigned responsibilities designed to keep every family member happy. She leaves no detail out, with slots for scheduling the kids' doctor appointments, breadwinning, making sure the life-insurance policy is up to date, and, yes, cleaning the toilets. She and her husband arranged their own EPA that ultimately meant he would work fewer hours at his job, and she would work more. It's no simple process, with questions and exercises designed to determine your parenting priorities ("how will you help your children feel loved?"), and even your "Family Standard of Cleanliness." Some readers may be turned off by the touchy-feely terms, such as "intentional steps" and "Mother Martyr" or the sheer number of exercises, which are likely a byproduct of her time spent in couples' counseling. But there's no denying that the process of creating an EPA--using Bouris's recommended process of self- analysis and negotiation--is bound to at least open up the lines of communication, and at most make it a lot more pleasant to keep the house running. --Erica Jorgensen

From the Inside Flap:

JUST KISS ME AND TELL ME YOU DID THE LAUNDRY provides couples with all of the tools necessary to re-evaluate and reconstruct their parenting strategies. Karen Bouris provides revealing questions, interactive exercises, and a comprehensive list of negotiation points to help parents apply equal parenting to the following crucial areas:

� SELF—When we don’t love ourselves, it’s hard to have the inner fiber to generously love those around us. Mothers and fathers who take care of themselves as individuals—emotionally, physically, spiritually, and intellectually—are better parents and partners.

� RELATIONSHIP—A happy marriage leads to a happy home and happy children. Creating an equal marriage partnership constitutes shared decision-making around finances, childcare, career, and home.

� CAREERS—When two people become parents it often makes sense for one or both to downsize a career. But when designing equal parenting roles, couples must agree that each partner’s careers and goals be of equal value, ensuring that individual dreams and goals are not unwillingly sacrificed.

� CHILDREN—Historically, the kitchen was the wife’s domain, and the garage was the man’s; the children were hers, and the paid job was his. In equal parenting, the company chairman could just as easily be the company chairwoman, while Mom and Dad show off their childcare prowess.

� HOME—It is sometimes hard for women to let go of their roles as cook, laundress, and housekeeper without feeling guilty. Realize that the traditional way is not the only—or even the best—way, and let the critical voice go

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