Faith and You Volume 1: Essays on Faith in Everyday Life - Softcover

Pluto, Terry

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1598510509 ISBN 13: 9781598510508

Publisher: Gray & Company, Publishers, 2012

Synopsis

“Sometimes I wish my minister would read his column instead of the sermon!”

That’s the kind of response Plain Dealer columnist Terry Pluto draws from devoted readers of his faith column. Although best known as an award-winning sportswriter, Pluto has also earned a reputation―and a growing audience―for his down-to-earth musings on more spiritual subjects.

This followup to his first collection, “Everyday Faith,” offers 28 all-new thoughtful essays on faith in everyday life―practical topics such as choosing a church, lending money to friends, dealing with jerks, sharing your faith, visiting the sick, even planning a funeral.

Perhaps it’s because Pluto doesn’t claim to have the answers that so many readers are drawn to his writing.

“Real faith writing should be about real life,” Pluto says. “I write as much about my failures as my triumphs, because that is what a life of faith is about. It’s often as much suffering as celebration, with lots of mundane, everyday stuff in between. I write for people who may have been hurt by someone in church, people who have been discouraged by one who claimed to speak for God . . . I write for people who have found contentment in their faith but want a deeper relationship with God.”

About this title

About the Author

Terry Pluto is a sports columnist for The Plain Dealer. He has twice been honored by the Associated Press Sports Editors as the nation’s top sports columnist for medium-sized newspapers. He is a ten-time winner of the Ohio Sports Writer of the Year award and has received more than 50 state and local writing awards. In 2005 he was inducted into the Cleveland Journalism Hall of Fame. He is the author of more than 30 books, including The Curse of Rocky Colavito (selected by the New York Times as one of the five notable sports books of 1989), and Loose Balls, which was ranked number 13 on Sports Illustrated’s list of the top 100 sports books of all time. He was called “Perhaps the best American writer of sports books,” by the Chicago Tribune in 1997.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Do You Mix Messages?

A friend told me about his daughter who scored thirty-two points in a high school basketball game. It was a career high for her and nearly broke a school record.

“As we were driving home,” he said, “I told her what a great game she played and that I was proud of her.”

Sounds go so far.

“But then I told her that she took too many jump shots. She could have scored even more had she taken the ball inside,” he said.

And he knew he had made a mistake. His daughter’s spirits dropped. He tried to compliment her again. Her team did win. She played a super game. He just wanted her to think about driving to the basket a little more.

One of my spiritual mentors is Bill Glass, the former Browns defensive end who has spent more than thirty years in prison ministry. We coauthored a book called Champions for Life: The Power of a Father’s Blessing. As we were talking about different topics, he told me one of the messages close to his heart is this: When you want to bless someone, then bless him (or her).

My friend is an example of mixing his message and missing a blessing. When he watched his daughter score those thirty-two points he should have told her how proud he was of her. Period.

“Too often, we want to pretend we’re coaches,” Glass said. “A coach always holds back part of the blessing. No one ever plays a perfect game. There’s always something that can be done better. It’s great for coaches, whose job it is to squeeze out a better performance each time. But it stinks for fathers.”

And for mothers.

And for friends.

Growing up the son of a minor league baseball player and having an older brother who is a coach, I was used to having my life critiqued. But life is not one constant job evaluation. For me, it’s hard not to be critical when I’m trying to say something nice. It’s bad enough having the player-coach blood in my veins, but as a sports columnist, I’m paid to deliver opinions and that makes it easy to be negative.

We’ve all had the experience where a teacher or supervisor is looking over our work. The authority figure starts saying something positive, then comes the word “but . . . ” That’s when we really pay attention—and get defensive.

“But” is like hitting the delete key on the computer; it erases everything that came before. All the good stuff just disappears from our hearts. We may remember that some good stuff was said, but we won’t feel it. We’ll feel the negative. We’ll feel that we didn’t quite measure up. We’ll feel that we have to work even harder.

The girl who scored the thirty-two points may know that her dad complimented her play, but she’ll feel that he was disappointed because she shot too often from the outside. That’s not the result her dad wanted. It’s not what she needed to hear. But so many of us struggle with how to compliment, how to touch someone’s heart with encouraging words.

The girl’s father knows he could have waited a couple of days to offer his suggestion. We know we don’t need to give all of our opinions all the time.

Glass believes that women generally have a better understanding of this “blessing” concept than men do. Women seem more comfortable expressing unconditional love.

Of course I’ve been around women who can nitpick. For example, the chicken was excellent, the potatoes tasty, the beans terrific. But didn’t the rolls seem a little hard? Don’t you think a little juice would have been a nice touch?

What’s the point? The cook knocked herself out to fix a meal. Just bless her. Thank her. Let her feel good about what she did.

Some people like to go through life playing “Gotcha!” They seem to be looking for the one thing that isn’t quite right, the area that could use some improvement. And those people are just the ones to point out the inadequacy.

Have you heard someone tell your pastor, “I really liked your sermon, and the people at the church are so nice, but I wish you could do something about the music”?

Maybe the music does need work, but when the minister has just poured out his or her heart in the service, it is not the time to bring up the music.

Just bless people.

If we really care about people we should end every conversation with something positive. Glass believes parents should “bless their children” each night by telling them, “I love you. I will always love you. I think you are terrific. You are mine.”

He says parents should do this even if it has just been an awful day. The day should end with a blessing. And we should do the same with family and friends. Speak a blessing into their lives. Tell them that we love them, that we appreciate how they have supported us, that they make our lives better.

How often do we say things like this to people who really matter to us? Probably not often enough.

Never assume that your loved ones know how you feel about them. Tell them how you feel even if it seems that they’re not really listening. We all like to hear positive words spoken into our lives even if we shrug them off or act a little embarrassed by them.

Proverbs 15:30 reads: “A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones.” Our words can touch people. They can make or break someone’s day.

Does anyone really believe that “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me”? If we’ve ever been called “stupid,” “lazy,” “timid,” or any other negative label, we know better. Those aren’t blessings, they’re curses.

So what about times when there are problems in a relationship? If we’ve been blessing people, if we have the courage to compliment and to express real love, then we can manage this kind of difficult discussion.

Don’t bother with all the compliments because the “but” is coming and “but” is just like the delete key. Say something like, “I have to talk to you about this. You know when you forgot to pick up those things at the store, and then you didn’t even apologize when I mentioned it—well, that hurt me.”

If we have been unconditionally blessing our spouse, or friends, they are far more likely to accept criticism. They will know that we’re not always being critical or looking for a reason to put them down.

In other situations when we need to be negative, we should try to attack the action, not the person. Don’t say, “I can’t believe how dumb you were to mess up that deal.”

Say, “That deal didn’t happen as it should have. I want you to tell me what went wrong. Then I’ll give you my ideas.”

One of the best ways to have a difficult conversation is to get the other person to speak first. Don’t ambush him. Make it clear there are problems that must be addressed, then let him explain first.

This works for discussions in business, in marriage, with families or friends. With unconditional blessings we need to listen, really listen. We shouldn’t just bite our tongues waiting for a chance to give our opinion.

Bill Glass has this rule, which I endorse: “Whenever possible, bless. If you’re not sure if it’s better to be critical or to bless, then bless. If you are going to discipline, then discipline. Whatever you do, avoid the mixed message.”

[Excerpted from Faith and You, © Terry Pluto. All rights reserved. Gray & Company, Publishers.]

About this edition

• Publisher: Gray & Company, Publishers
• Publication date: 2012
• ISBN 10: 1598510509
• ISBN 13: 9781598510508
• Binding: Paperback
• Language: English
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 176