About the Author:
Veronique Ovalde was born in 1972 and is the author of the novels The Sleep of Fishes, All Things Shimmering, and Generally, I Like Men Very Much. Her debut in English was Kick the Animal Out (Portobello 2008). She has two children, works in publishing, and lives and writes in Paris.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:
It was not long before I thought of Mr. Loyal’s lion.
The only thing I knew for sure about Mr. Loyal’s alleged circus was that it housed a lion who lived a peaceful life behind bars and did nothing much apart from eating, dozing, and pacing around a bit to limber up its pads. The lion was old and asthmatic; it had decaying teeth and it would groan all through the night when its teeth hurt. Mr. Loyal would say, Rufus needs to see the dentist, or Rufus has heartburn–his comments always had something to do with Rufus’s health. Mr. Loyal had always said that he kept Rufus to remind him of the old days (when his circus really was a circus, presumably), because he did not have the heart to get rid of him, even though he cost a fortune to feed–as the sensible Mr. Loyal frequently pointed out to the sentimental Mr. Loyal, the two of them balancing each other out sufficiently for their dialogue to result in an anvil-like inertia.
When Mom was still living with us, the only thing she would agree to say about Mr. Loyal’s circus was that it had an old lion and that she had worked for it a long time ago. If I asked to go and see Mr. Loyal’s circus, she would say, It’s no place for you. Which was a pretty surprising comment in itself, but it also harbored a prohibition which I felt implied something monstrous. If I insisted and said, But I’m fifteen, Mom, she would tell me, You don’t look a day over half that. She would look at me kindly, softening and repeating the words, Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it.
So, in my docile way, I had banned myself from thinking about it for a long time.
Which means that if a furtive thought about the circus crept into my head, I would call on all my private guardians and they would block the exits, surrounding the unhealthy thought and suffocating it by sitting on it. Thereby eradicating the evil thought.
Not going to Mr. Loyal’s circus had not bothered me.
Until Mom disappeared.
When I suspected a link between this circus and mom’s absence.
And when I thought of the lion.
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