Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your Children in Language That Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility - Softcover

Chick Moorman

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1864710691 ISBN 13: 9781864710694

Publisher: Fireside, 2003

Synopsis

A treasury of practical ideas for raising responsible children.

This remarkable book shares parenting strategies for helping your child become confident, motivated, and productive. Through the strategies in this book, you’ll learn how to talk to your children in language that builds self-esteem and encourages responsibility. You’ll improve your parenting skills and build positive relationships with your children.

You’ll learn how to speak in ways that:

- Reduce family conflict
- Build family solidarity
- Demonstrate listening
- Empower your children
- Build trust and caring
- Help your children develop positive core beliefs
- And more

Practical parenting tips you can’t afford to miss!

About this title

About the Author:

Chick Moorman is the director of the Institute for Personal Power, a consulting firm dedicated to providing quality professional development activities for educators and parents.

He is a former classroom teacher with over 30 years of experience in the field of education. His mission is to help people experience a greater sense of personal power in their lives, so they can, in turn, empower others.

Chick has four children, two grand children and two Arabian horses. He is an adapt country dancer who loves to two-step and do the west coast swing.

Chick is a regular contributor to The Chicken Soup for The Soul series, having appeared in 5 of The Chicken Soup volumes. He writes a monthly column for 6 parenting magazines including Families First, Metro Kids, Baton Rouge Parents Magazine, Parent Guide, Boston Parents Paper and Positive Parenting.

Chick is also the author of Our Classroom: We can Learn Together, Teacher Talk: What It Really Means, Talk Sense to Yourself, and Where the Heart Is: Stories of Home and Family, all available through amazon.com.

Chick conducts full-day workshops and seminars for school districts and parent groups. He also delivers keynote address for local, state, and national conferences. Contact him at IPP57@aol.com.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

As parents, we hear "I can't" language all too often. It may occur as our child struggles with a long division assignment. It could take place as he attempts to master a new Nintendo game. Or it might be uttered as he works at reading directions for a recipe or instructions on how to build a model airplane. Whenever it occurs, "I can't" language signals an "I can't" attitude toward learning and achieving. Often accompanied by a whiny tone, "I can't" words are connected to "I can't" thinking, "I can't" believing, and "I can't" behaviors.

How do you respond when one of your children looks up from his study table and verbalizes some version of "I can't do it?" What do you say? If you're like many of the participants who attend my parent seminars, you reply with words similar to, "Sure you can, come on, try." Parents believe that if children would just try, they'd eventually prove to themselves that they can.

"Sure you can, come on, try" sounds like helpful parent talk. It is not because, most often it doesn't work. Typically, children respond to our efforts to get them to try with, "I'm trying" or "I tried already."

What children and parents don't realize is that trying doesn't work. Only doing works. Anyone busy trying is not busy doing. Trying is often an excuse for giving up.

A strategic piece of parent talk to replace the "Come on, try" language is "Act as if ... ." The next time one of your children delivers a whiny rendition of "I can't" smile, look him in the eyes, speak from your heart, and give him these three words: "Act as if."

"Billy, act as if you can." "Mary, I want you to act as if you already know how to do this." "Just act as if you've done this before, Shannon."

After you've delivered your new parent talk, step back and go to another room. Watch from a distance as your child begins doing. I predict that you'll be pleasantly surprised by the effect of "Act as if." It won't work every time with every child, but it could be the most important phrase you add to your parent talk repertoire this year.

With young children, "Pretend" or "Play like you can" work well. "Fake it" and "How could you do this if you did know?" are effective alternatives with older children.

Sometimes you say "Act as if" and your child starts doing the task incorrectly. Don't worry. You can correct incorrect doing, whereas it's impossible to correct someone who is not doing anything. "Act as if" gets children doing. You can adjust from there. Until they start doing, corrective guidance and feedback are impossible.

"Act as if" is more effective than "trying" because trying implies struggle, while "acting as if" is more playful and less serious. Some children won't try because if they don't succeed they consider themselves a failure. If they "pretend" or "act as if," no stigma or failure is attached.

Not sure "act as if" will work with your children? Not sure you can use if effectively? Why not "act as if" you can?

About this edition

• Publisher: Fireside
• Publication date: 2003
• ISBN 10: 1864710691
• ISBN 13: 9781864710694
• Binding: Paperback
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 291