The Devil's Dictionaries: The Best of the Devil's Dictionary and the American Heretic's Dictionary - Softcover

Bierce, Ambrose; Bufe, Chaz

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1884365353 ISBN 13: 9781884365355

Publisher: See Sharp Press, 2004

Synopsis

This compilation of hundreds of biting, witty, cruel, and hilarious definitions combines the best 200 definitions from Ambrose Bierce's classic The Devil's Dictionary, with more than 500 definitions from the most humorous and stinging entries in Chaz Bufe's The American Heretic's Dictionary. This new edition includes 50 new definitions from Bufe and new biting illustrations by San Francisco artist and filmmaker J. R. Swanson. The Bierce definitions focus on his favorite targets, including religion, jingoism masquerading as patriotism, the "lickspittle" press, the thievery inherent in the American economic system, and the multitude of idiocies and hypocrisies pervading American social and political life. Bufe's definitions share many of the same targets, but also skewer such contemporary plagues as the "right to life" movement, religious fundamentalism, the IRS, and the puritanically "politically correct." Bufe also turns a jaundiced eye on both male and female sexual attitudes, something which Bierce, writing in much more conservative times, was not free to do.

About this title

About the Author

Ambrose Bierce was one of the most famous and iconoclastic American writers of the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Chaz Bufe is the author of The Heretic's Handbook of Quotations, An Understandable Guide to Music Theory, and Alcoholics Anonymous: Cult or Cure? He lives in Tucson, Arizona.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

The Devil's Dictionaries

The Best of The Devil's Dictionary and The American Heretic's Dictionary

By Ambrose Bierce, Chaz Bufe, J.R. Swanson

See Sharp Press

Copyright © 2004 Charles Q. Bufe
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-884365-35-5

CHAPTER 1

The Best of The Devil's Dictionary

by

Ambrose Bierce

A

Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested....

Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure....

Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

Accident, n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws.

Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

Adore, v. t. To venerate expectantly.

Alderman, n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.

Alliance, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.

Alone, adj. In bad company.

Altar, n. The place whereon the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a male and a female fool.

Appeal v.t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.

B

Benefactor n. One who makes heavy purchases of ingratitude, without, however, materially affecting the price, which is still within the means of all.

Bigany, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.

Birth, n. The first and direst of all disasters....

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Brute, n. See "Husband."

C

Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head....

Callous, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another....

Capital, n. The seat of misgovernment....

Christian, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

Clairvoyant, n. A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron — namely, that he is a blockhead.

Conservative, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

Consult, v. t. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.

Coproration, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Cynic n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be....

D

Dawn, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and o

Edition details

• Publisher: See Sharp Press
• Publication date: 2004
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1884365353
• ISBN 13: 9781884365355
• Binding: Paperback
• Illustrator: Swanson J. R.
• Edition number: 2
• Number of pages: 160