Creating Real Relationships: Overcoming the Power of Difference and Shame - Hardcover

Richard Pfeiffer

9781893505131: Creating Real Relationships: Overcoming the Power of Difference and Shame

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 1893505138 ISBN 13: 9781893505131

Publisher: Growth Publishing, 2000

Can two people develop a relationship that will support, encourage, and nurture their real self? Can the hope of being understood, known, and truly accepted become a reality? Can a real relationship heal the wounds and emotional deficits received in early life? The search for meaning is the journey of expressing one's real self. Pfeiffer describes how two partners can seek to develop a relationship in which both find support for the expression of their real self. Partners who make a real relationship work have certain skills. They know and practice core interpersonal skills, which allows them to form a relationship that can endure, deepen, and grow.

If you are or hope to be in an intimate relationship you will want to give this book to yourself and your partner. Creating Real Relationships is an inspiring guide that offers encouragement for those seeking more meaning and healthy closeness in their relationship. A real relationship provides its partners with the opportunity for personal growth, development of the real self, and emotional and spiritual healing. The author weaves professional knowledge with personal experience to show the reader how to overcome the power of difference and shame, which may threaten the level of relationship satisfaction. This essential book offers clear explanations, practical skills, insightful background, and a map for the healing journey possible in real relationships.

One of the unique features of this work is its focus on the dynamics of difference and shame underlying what goes wrong-or what can go very right-with relationships. The dynamics of difference and shame have the power to set up the development of a false self. The false self defensively refuses to assert the real self. Overcoming the power of these dynamics is the source of transforming unhealthy wounded relationships and individuals into healthy ones. Creating Real Relationships speaks directly to improvement in the following areas:

* Assertiveness Skills * Overcoming Your Anger * Overcoming Your Partner's Anger * Overcoming Difference and Shame * Overcoming Your Anxiety * Conflict Resolution Skills * Direct Communication Skills * Listening Skills

"synopsis" may belong to another edition of this title.

From the Publisher:

Difference and shame are underlying dynamics in relationships, which are either healing or wounding the partners. Shame in relationships has the effect of driving down a partner's real self. Shame steals energy, optimism and excitement long after its initial pain. Nevertheless, the partner whose face flushes with shame is also one who wants and needs to learn how to hold his or her head up in calm dignity and realistic pride. The message of hope that lies hidden in every moment of the creation of Real Relationships is that a hard work miracle does exist.

From the Author:

Real relationships are important. They are highly prized by those people who have learned how to build and maintain them. They are built, not fallen into by accident or happy fate as suggested by most musical comedies. People who grew up in nurturing families have a head start in learning how to build real relationships, but the good news is that anyone can learn these skills and bring about a hard-work miracle, as mentioned at the beginning of this book.

A real relationship brings together individuals who value their own and their partners' real selves. The real self knows and expresses authentic thoughts, feelings, and needs rather than hiding behind a false self or playing games. Partners in a real relationship seek to nurture, encourage, and support each other in ways that mutually respect individual growth and the healing of past emotional deficits. They are aware of their own individual emotional deficits and those of their partner. They learn and practice core interpersonal skills, which lead to a resolution of different needs, thoughts, and feelings.

A number of key skills for building real relationships have been discussed in this book:

* Overcoming the power of difference and letting go of the fantasy that your partner will or should change to become more like you is an important first step.

* Overcoming the power of both conscious and unconscious shame is another significant part of real relationships because of the destructive and cyclical nature of shame itself.

* Learning assertiveness skills helps partners to express their real selves to each other.

* Overcoming your own anger and that of your partner is required to prevent communication from becoming stuck or spiraling downward and becoming destructive.

* Overcoming anxiety is also important because of its potentially damaging effects on interpersonal dynamics.

* Overcoming distorted beliefs permits partners to respond to each other's thoughts, feelings, and needs in a more realistic and healthy manner.

* Learning the basic skills of conflict resolution and direct communication skills-and, perhaps most important of all, the art of real listening-provides tools and a foundation for effective relationship functioning.

Creating real relationships is work that lasts a lifetime, but it may well be the most challenging and potentially rewarding of all human endeavors.

"About this title" may belong to another edition of this title.