Luster wants the ultimate form of the American dream—rock stardom—despite being a twenty-four-year-old man living in the ghetto with his crack-dealing brothers. Opal is a sex-crazed party machine despite being an eighty-year-old woman. Ember hates the world and wants to destroy it despite being an eight-year-old girl. Ray loves America and all of its inhabitants despite being a middle-aged, effeminate Iraqi soldier. Aurora is frigid and deplores young people despite being a sexy, Satan-worshiping teenager.
And now these misfits have formed a band—a band so different, so utterly unpredictable that they might just be able to slip between a crack, rise above their small-town existence, tour the world, and in the process make us all reconsider our stale old conventions.
Author bio(s) (up to 500 words or 4,000 characters):
Joey Goebel was born and raised in Henderson, Kentucky. He has a BA in English from Brescia University and his short stories have appeared in two anthologies. He is the former lead singer of the punk band The Mullets (Higher Step Records) that toured for five years in the Midwest. The Anomalies is his first novel.
"synopsis" may belong to another edition of this title.
After a lengthy pause, alpha-male says, "Shut up. You don’t know me...I’m not depressed."
You will be. It is bound to happen sometime between your divorce from your cheating wife and when your kids put you in a nursing home.
"That’s it, man. Are you done, or am I gonna have to kick your ass?"
I throw one more card on the table, the one that says "EMPTY THREAT OF VIOLENCE—A FINAL RESORT." My cards never fail. I’ve got everything from "TOO MUCH INFORMATION" to "I NEED CLOSURE" to "I ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND" to "BAD HAIR DAY?"
I am done. I am sorry for confronting you like I have in front of your peers, some of whom are secretly gay.
At this, the asshole’s friends look at each other nervously.
I know how much respect means to you, and I respectfully ask that you refrain from mistreating my friends and me.
"Whatever, dude."
I return to my table. I don’t like doing things like I just did, but the humanoids make it so easy for me, and the fact that they make it so easy for me is why I do it in the first place. I can predict the prettyboy just like I can predict that the guy wearing a bow-tie will be a smart-ass, that the traveling children’s storyteller will be annoyingly eccentric, that the English teacher will love Garrison Keillor, that the bartender will be exceedingly confident.
"Why do you always have to make a scene like that?" asks Aurora.
You were the one complaining about them staring at us. Are they staring at us now?
The man’s friends are comforting him, patting him on the shoulder.
Then a contagiously funky reggae song comes on. My dining companions and I spontaneously arise and dance in the middle of the restaurant, except for Aurora who just rolls back and forth. We dance like protozoa, squirming unattached, our bodies moving like they don’t even know it. Music, music. Muse, sick muse. The sick muse we will follow to a timeshare on the moon.
I approach my victim, the professional humanoid.
Come on, dude! No hard feelings, right!? Would you like to dance?
"Oh, shut the fuck up."
I smile, laugh, and proceed with the dancing. I dance as hard as I can since I know that any moment now, someone will tell us to stop and sit down, or more specifically, someone will tell us, "I’m going to have to ask you to stop and sit down."
"About this title" may belong to another edition of this title.
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