If You're Angry and You Know It, Go Outside: Tools to Cool Off Hot Feelings

Children have big feelings that are sometimes difficult to manage. In If You’re Angry and You Know It, Go Outside, Mari is struggling with the death of her beloved dog and trying to deal with anger, sadness, and loss. Written simply for young children and illustrated with vibrant colors to reflect the range of Mari’s emotions, this book introduces self-regulation skills for both kids and adults. It emphasizes staying in or returning to our resilient zone―a state where we feel like our best selves and maintain a sense of agency.

The book highlights three key strategies for staying in the resilient zone or returning to it when emotions run high:

(1) Notice sensations. Recognizing physical sensations in the body helps us respond to feelings constructively rather than impulsively.

(2) Practice grounding. Grounding involves physical activities that anchor us in the present and calm our nervous system. Techniques include deep breathing, pushing against objects, stretching, dancing, or even playing video games.

(3) Focus on joy and love. Shifting attention to positive and joyful experiences can foster resilience. Ideas include writing a gratitude journal, creating a photo collage, or spending time with loved ones and pets.

Mari’s story is followed by a section for adults that explains the evidence-backed Community Resiliency Model (CRM), developed by the Trauma Resource Institute, and helps grown-ups guide children through big feelings.

Mara Giglio is the director of the Appalachian Peace and Justice Network and a somatic experiencing practitioner. She has taught social-emotional skills to prevent bullying, violence, and sexual assault since 1999. She also teaches active bystander intervention and self-regulation classes.