Barking Goats And the Red Neck Mafia

Bertie Byrd Fortney never thought she’d be spending her wedding night in a maternity ward. But her best friend went into labor right in the middle of the conga line at Bertie and Arch’s wedding reception, and it wasn’t until her friend’s son made his entrance into the world that Bertie, her husband, and her stepdaughter could leave on their motor home honeymoon. The trip’s trials, however, leave Bertie wondering if a honeymoon is some kind of test a woman must pass before becoming a wife. To add to her tribulations, Bertie returns to Bertie’s Garage and Towing to find Linc, her tow truck driver, is being threatened by the Redneck Mafia. The mob boss has told Linc to return to Atlanta to marry his daughter, or he will move him there himself, one body part at a time. And then Bertie is taken hostage by a man who has taught his goats to bark and his twins to talk. A mistake on both counts, in Bertie’s not-so-humble opinion. Finally, a bizarre accident involving an elderly drunken citizen Linc mistakes as a hit man, a golf cart, a trip to the hospital, and a positive pregnancy test has tongues wagging in Sweet Meadow, Georgia. Did Bertie really get knocked up on a golf cart by her tow truck driver? Will Bertie be able to douse the rumors? Will she be able to save her faithful employee from the mob? More importantly, will she pass the wife test?

Dolores J. Wilson and her husband own a body shop and towing service. She lives in Florida.