Beyond Blame: A New Way of Resolving Conflicts in Relationships

Focuses on the only party in a conflict that we have any control over: ourselves

Conflict is an interactive process--you cannot look at a person who makes life difficult for you without also looking at yourself. While blaming others may lead to short-term relief, it often escalates conflicts and produces long-term damage.

And with conflict we must first understand the problem and then take responsibility by changing our own roles. Beyond Blame presents specific advice on conflicts in love, conflicts at work, and what to do when conflicts cannot be resolved.

Blaming an opponent for "getting under your skin" is a common and self-defeating response to interpersonal conflict, emphasizes psychotherapist Kottler ( The Compleat Therapist ) in this sensible guide. The initial step in resolving such conflicts, he advises, is to identify consistent inner patterns of attitudes, often involving victimization or past resentment of presumed threat that triggers hostile reactions. The author proposes strategies for managing conflicts that involve work associates, family members, lovers or friends, and he offers psychological and practical measures designed to help people avert manipulative "power tactics," personal attack and abusive behavior, especially in family disputes. Although some conflicts cannot be settled, Kottler points out that trying to resolve them at the least promotes personal growth.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc.

A prolific author, Kottler (counseling, Univ. of Nevada, Las Vegas; Advanced Group Leadership, Brooks-Cole, 1993) here aims to help readers understand why they have interaction problems and how to take responsibility for changing their own role in the conflicts that interpersonal relationships can incite. This is not a book that reduces a complex human phenomenon into a catechism of steps to solve problems. Rather, it outlines a process for assessing conflict triggers, understanding interpersonal problem development, and developing alternatives for overcoming lifelong patterns of responsibility avoidance. This title is unique in its combination of theory and research from diverse fields. The "new way" of interacting suggested here isn't new, just underutilized, but it is cogent and offers another tool patrons might find useful for improving their quality of life. Appropriate for self-help collections in public and community college libraries.
Scott Johnson, Meridian Community Coll. Lib., Miss.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc.