This book is 10 years in the making and was conceived out of watching the experiences of people, and the resultant effects of those experiences. As a theologian, Bishop Wilson, was able to capture or relate theses issues with Naomi in the book of Ruth. Do life s negative experiences make us, bitter or better ? As individuals read this book, many bottled up feelings will become unlocked and freedom will take place as people honestly reflect upon how life experiences have negatively affected them. The good news is wherever one finds himself; this book provides not only a diagnosis of the problem but also a clear direction on how to get back on the right track in life.
Bitter or Better: You Decide
By Samuel A. Wilson Sr.AuthorHouse
Copyright © 2013 Bishop Samuel A. Wilson Sr.
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4772-8777-4Contents
Foreword...............................................................................................viiIntroduction...........................................................................................ixChapter 1: How Did I Get Here? Ruth 1:1-3.............................................................1Chapter 2: Mahlon and Chilion are Dead Ruth 1:4-5.....................................................17Chapter 3: There is Bread in the Land Again Good times, are God times Ruth 1:6-18.....................27Chapter 4: Don't Change Your Name too Soon Ruth 1:19-22...............................................41Chapter 5: Thank God for a new friend Ruth Chapter 2..................................................57Chapter 6: Kinfolk Are Alright Sometimes Boaz-Kinsman Redeemer Ruth Chapter 2.........................75Chapter 7: Work Your Plan, Girl (Naomi and Ruth) Ruth Chapter 3......................................83Chapter 8: You Will Nurse Your Own Blessing Ruth Chapter 4............................................91
Chapter One
How Did I Get Here? Ruth 1:1-3
All of us have asked this question as we reflect on our position in life. We saw our life turning out differently. Pictures of grandeur were before us. Hopes and possibilities filled our path. All of a sudden we were sidetracked and somehow plummeted into a world of chaos and confusion seemingly without end. The phrase "from bad to worse" does not adequately describe where you are or what you have experienced.
"I have heard the horror stories of divorce, but I never thought it would happen to me."
"My home and family seemed to be normal when I was growing up. How did I get raped and molested?"
"There must have been something that I did to cause my husband to abuse and beat me."
"Drinking and drugs seemed to be a harmless pastime when I saw my mother and father doing them. Why couldn't I shake them off in my adulthood?"
Don't the above sentiments sound familiar? This is a scenario that we find in the short but powerful book of Ruth. With a short stroke of a pen, the author describes how the life of a normal, quintessential family can be turned upside down by its leader.
Before we get to the specific state of the family named in the text before us, we must first look at the general condition of a larger group of people. Since the book begins with a timeline description of the period in which God's people lived, an explanation of the "time when the Judges ruled" is in order.
This period commences with the death of Joshua and the elders who ruled with him. There was an apparent lapse in clear leadership, authority, and teaching, which ultimately lead to anarchy. Throughout the book of Judges, we encounter the statement "there was no king in Israel, and everyone did what was right in their own eyes." The people of Israel stood between periods of theocracy and monarchy. During this time, God's people followed the inclinations of their own hearts instead of the mandates of God's laws. Each time they did so, their enemies defeated them, and they became the subjects of foreign kings and idol gods. In their pain they cried out to God, and he raised up men and women to deliver them. These men and women would return Israel to freedom and prosperity, but the Israelites always returned to their sins, which landed them back into bondage.
This seesaw experience lasted until the ministry of the prophet Samuel, who raised a righteous standard in Judah and set the stage for the monarchy that God had always planned for his people.
The following short story takes place during one of the downward spirals described above. God always uses a family or a person to illustrate a larger lesson.
Elimilech, the head of this family, decides that in the time when things have gotten tight in Bethlehem, that he and his family would seek temporary refuge in a more prosperous place. Bethlehem, which means "the House of Bread," had run out. Bethlehem, where Jesus ("the bread of life") would be born, was suffering a severe famine and drought. God had commanded the Hebrews never to lose faith in God, regardless of circumstances, and they were never to seek provision under the wings of foreign countries and their idol Gods (reference).
God always returns prosperity to his people once his purposes are fulfilled. We are sometimes victimized, because we are forced to submit to disobedient leaders—parents, relatives, educators, politicians, pastors, or friends. What people do will inevitably hurt those who are associated with them.
Many people turn out to be alcoholics because of the family line. Many become addicted to drugs because they saw drug activity in their homes when they were children. Scores of people suffer from an identity crisis called homosexuality because they are products of iniquity that was passed down to the third or fourth generation. A person very rarely does that which was not done to him or her. There are many people around the world who have received the awesome forgiveness of God for the sins they committed, but there are just as many who are still suffering physically, spiritually, and even emotionally because they have not walked in the healing grace of God. Romans 5:10 says, "If we have been justified by His blood through His death, how much more shall we be saved by His life."
Yes, the person that is now flat on his back because of the heavy weight of self-projected guilt and shame can now stand firm on his feet and walk with God. The person that is saved and yet bound by various addictions in an attempt to drown out bad memories and sorrows can now cast all of her care onto the Lord, because he cares for her. People who think that it's all over need to learn that our current landings may become launching pads for better days ahead.
History has proven to humanity that God can take the wounded, weak, disadvantaged, poor, disenfranchised, sad, misused, and the misunderstood, and cause them to rise up with the wings of an eagle. All you need to do is make up your mind that you will not live the second half of your life regretting the first half.
Many people in society are plagued by the nagging problem of bitterness. When we refuse to deal with the hurts that drove us to isolate ourselves in the first place, we can become bitter. Bitterness is a root that springs up in the life of a hurt person who has learned to deal with pain by hurting other people, because "hurt people, hurt people." The only compensation or satisfaction that he or she can get is to draw people into their world of pain.
Flowers, diamonds, loving conversation, vacations, etc. cannot heal a bitter woman that has not dealt with bitterness. Preaching engagements, salaries, gifts, appreciations, titles, etc. cannot mend the heart of a preacher who has been scarred by a former church or denomination if he doesn't deal with his bitterness. Sex, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, clubs, fraternities, etc. will never cure the mind of a dejected man or woman who was rejected as a child or teen.
Bitterness is so powerful that it will spread to people around you—ultimately, an entire house, church, workplace, or school can be defiled by it. It is much like a person with a first-degree burn. That person cannot be touched by others but has to be wrapped and placed in isolation until the skin is healed. A burn victim's skin will be pulled off if someone tries to handle it before it heals. There are multitudes of people in Christian ministry who have been burned and should be healing in isolation. Instead, they remain in the ministry, defiling other believers and weakening the cause. Normal organizational rules don't make sense to them; concepts of authority and accountability irritate them; correction by a superior crushes them; the lack of constant affirmation debilitates them. Ultimately these ministers have to relocate, because their churches don't know how to heal them and have hurt them instead.
The woman who has been abused talks herself into trying another relationship only to end up slitting her man's tires or her own wrist, because he forgot her birthday. The man whose previous wife cheated on him may as well hang a sign around his neck that reads "I'm an accident waiting to happen." The man who, as a fat kid, was never noticed by girls will often become another rapist. That wife who was a so-called black sheep of the family will demand of her husband the type of love that he can never give her.
The world needs to recognize this ill and use biblical methods to deal with its symptoms and its effects. We too often demonize psychological issues and end up casting out fictitious demons. Instead, it's often beneficial to work through problems during a series of sessions that will force the person to look inside and face his or her real problem. If left untreated and ignored, a root of bitterness in the heart can ruin every relationship.
One clear indicator of the root of bitterness is a person's preoccupation with past and present hurts at the expense of the future. This approach to life can be devastating. Present and future relationships suffer because of past hurts and setbacks. People thus afflicted do not often reveal their hurts when they enter into new relationships. A new lover suffers because of the wrongs of the past lover. A new friend suffers because of a former friend's cruelty and disappointment. I'm sure that a lot of people suffered at the hands of Esau because of what Jacob had done to him. In a moment of trickery Jacob stole Esau' birthright and caused him to be embittered the rest of his adult life. Likewise many people suffer for what someone else's wickedness. It's unfair for a new wife to be smothered like a fugitive because a man's first wife cheated on and embarrassed him. It may have been an awful experience, and we even understand and empathize with the man, but no one should relive his pain. We want to encounter people who don't have bitterness in their hearts. The past can cause you to lose precious time in the present by leading you to hesitate: "I have to learn how to trust again;" or "It's going to take some time for me to say I love you." In Genesis 38:11, Tamar distrusted Judah, because of his son's previous actions toward her.
Living in the past can cause you to be defensive on every level. You rob people who genuinely love you of the opportunity to prove their love. You keep yourself distant from real conversations. You rob yourself of true forgiveness. You live a life devoid of true feelings and emotions. You laugh and cry at inappropriate times. You drink in times that demand sobriety. You learn coping skills that you discover are really cop-out skills.
The second sign that a root of bitterness has taken up residence inside a person's heart is that person's focus on liabilities instead of assets. One of the greatest examples of this is found in the story of Mephiboseth, a son of Jonathan, King Saul's son, and best friend of David. When David ascended to the throne as king, his first legislative act was to seek out those people who remained from Saul's house:
Now David said, "Is there still anyone who is left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan's sake?"
And there was a servant of the house of Saul whose name was Ziba. So when they had called him to David, the king said to him, "Are you Ziba?" And he said, "At your service!"
Then the king said, "Is there not still someone of the house of Saul, to whom I may show the kindness of God?" And Ziba said to the king, "There is still a son of Jonathan who is lame in his feet."
So the king said to him, "Where is he?" And Ziba said to the king, "Indeed he is in the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, in Lodebar." (2 Samuel 9:1-4 NKJV)
Mephiboseth had been injured when he was five years old when his nanny attempted to escape from the Philistines, who had killed Saul and Jonathan. Mephiboseth had grown up in bitterness for eighteen years in a wilderness instead of a palace. He had also grown up hearing lies that King David would someday find him and kill him. He was full of bitterness. He was physically, mentally, and materially crippled. King David, now ready to fulfill his promise to Jonathan, seeks out Mephiboseth in order to restore him to his former position as a royal descendent of King Saul. But, based on his own liabilities and deficiencies, Mephiboseth was far from receptive to trusting David's appeal. His argument was "I have nothing to offer you:"
Now when Mephibosheth the son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, had come to David, he fell on his face and prostrated himself. Then David said, "Mephibosheth?" And he answered, "Here is your servant!"
So David said to him, "Do not fear, for I will surely show you kindness for Jonathan your father's sake, and will restore to you all the land of Saul your grandfather; and you shall eat bread at my table continually." (2 Samuel 9:6-7 NKJV)
Then he bowed himself, and said, "What is your servant, that you should look upon such a dead dog as I?" (2 Samuel 9:6-8 NKJV)
David had come to bestow the favor of God upon Mephibosheth based on a covenant made with his father, Jonathan, (a long time before), and all he could rehearse were his liabilities and his nothingness. Thank God for David's persistence, which ultimately overrode Mephibosheth's bitterness. He eventually received David's kindness and was received into the king's house. He ate at the king's table the rest of his life.
Important
A nagging preoccupation with a lack of assets in one area of your life may be an indication to change your assignments. Too often people try for too long to operate where they don't fit. In any area of life a person must learn to cut their losses and move in a new direction. In business, for example, It can be very frustrating to discover that you are accumulating more liabilities in an area when you could easily file bankruptcy and start a business that would easily produce assets. The difference between where you want to be and where you are assigned can be monumental. Perhaps you are frustrated and bitter, because you are fantasizing about someone else's assignment. If everyone can make good cakes but nobody can make good cookies, maybe you are the cookie maker, and you should stop trying to make the next greatest pound cake. If you are still seeking your first singing project after ten years of failure, and yet you could write a song in your sleep, perhaps you are a great writer. If may be that you really have a preoccupation with wanting to be seen or heard. Maybe you have an attention problem. What would you rather be—heard and broke, or read and rich? There are so many bitter people in the world who envy another person's gifts while they despise their own God-given gifts.
Naomi vehemently reminded her daughters-in-law of her inability to birth additional sons for them to marry. In biblical days it was considered a curse for a woman to be left without a son to carry on the family name. It is calle the leverite law. Naomi also said that even if she could have more sons, it would take a long time for them to come to marrying age. In other words, she considered herself worthless. But maybe she didn't need more sons: she needed a plan. Sometimes a good plan of action will more than make up for liabilities.
The third sign of a bitter person is the need to be left alone. In our story, Naomi kept rehearsing her past hurts, saying, "I went out full and came back empty." Ruth 1:21 She had it all, and then she had nothing. Next, she said to her daughters-in-law, "Go back to your fathers' houses because I have nothing to give you." Ruth 1:21 She saw herself as having nothing left in life to offer anyone. She was not just helpless; she was hopeless. Bitterness will strip you of your self-assessment, your self-worth, and your self-initiative. Spending most of your time trying to analyze how you arrived at your present location will do little if anything to help resolve your root problem, bitterness!
Well, as you've guessed by now, nobody writes about this topic without personal experience soaking in the bitterness bath. Naomi and I are close relatives. We have the same testimony. After experiencing a whirlwind of negative experiences, some self-inflicted and some inflicted by others. I had met my real father only once and grew up without a genuine identity; I blew an opportunity to pursue professional baseball because of a love affair with drugs and alcohol, which would eventually land me in drug rehabs as a young adult. As a result of these experiences, I was well on the road to entrenched bitterness.
But wait a minute; here comes God like an oasis in the dessert. He sent me a young lady who would become the best single event in my life besides Jesus. Jacky (Lady J) Wilson came into my life and has been my wife for twenty-nine years. All past pains, unanswered questions, and nagging issues seemed small and insignificant upon meeting her.
Pepto Bismol is Not the Same as an Antibiotic
Over-the-counter-medicine's claim to fame is always "temporary relief" of symptoms, such as coughing, runny nose, pain, aches, etc. These drugs never claim to cure diseases. Only a licensed doctor can prescribe medicine that will cure an ill.
Well, after a short time I began to spread that spirit of bitterness into my marriage, and things went right back to business as usual. I quickly realized that I wasn't suffering from the lack of a wife; I was suffering from the lack of a life. I knew that I would very quickly mess up the best thing that ever happened to me if I could not heal my bitterness.
It is at this time that the bitter person begins to project blame onto other people and circumstances as the cause of his or her dilemma. How did I get here? Oh yeah, it was my daddy's fault, because he was not there; or my mother didn't give me attention; or my uncle molested me; or my ancestors were idol worshippers, and so on. These are all convenient excuses to keep us from owning up and taking responsibility for our lives. At some point, we need to simply blame Adam and then own up to the fact that we were contaminated by his discretion. Now! There it is! It's settled! We finally have the answer to the puzzling question.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Bitter or Better: You Decideby Samuel A. Wilson Sr. Copyright © 2013 by Bishop Samuel A. Wilson Sr.. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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