The Bluffer's Guide to Doctors (Bluffer's Guides)

ER

The doctor in casualty is expected to examine, diagnose, and treat more patients per hour than the average person serving in McDonald's. At the end of eight hours of this the doctor feels like walking into moving traffic. The only thing that stops you is the depressing thought that the ambulance would bring you straight back again.

Rubber gloves

Just the sound of the doctor snapping gloves on is enough to strike fear into the bowels of any patient. If they are giving you a hard time, put them on and you will get their undivided attention.

Scalpel please

As a junior you will be required to assist the surgeon in such exciting tasks as cutting sutures to the required length and holding bits of surgical ironmongery for hours, well away from the interesting bits. When your mind is sufficiently far removed, the surgeon will usually ask you to identify a portion of anatomy that looks as if a hyena has been at it.

Prognostication

In radiology, promotion, if not stardom, will be assured if you can come up with any diagnosis from a picture that looks to the uninitiated like an airborne photo of the East London docks taken at night.