CHAPTER 1

Problems in Relationships

The marriage relationship was created to be the most united, mosthonored, most admirable, and respected union of human relationshipto ever exist on earth. I strongly believe this is true. Love is thepower that brings people together in peace. As the saying goes, "lovemakes every lion a pet". Love makes every difficult and dangerousperson a friend. Indeed, love reconciles differences in people; loveaccommodates, tolerates, gives selfless services, and love shares withothers.

Love gives birth to marriage; and marriage gives birth to aunion of children and parents, which is known as a family, designedby God for the continuity of the world. Love, therefore, is a pro-lifecreator. Everything that God created is good and beautiful.Among them all, God cherishes the union between man andwoman, and fellowships with them. God calls each marriage Hisfamily. Love is our connection to God and it cuts across all stagesof human growth and development. We humans look at love andare mysteriously attracted to its nature. Only those who recognize itwithin themselves in their relationship with God are able to definelove as "life". Love is life and it gives healthy life to your physical life.Love, in my own term is "an endless and selfless kindness one personextends to another person. It is not cruelty or wickedness one personextends to another, so a relationship that begins in love cannot turnto evil and destruction. The nature of love is always kind, simple,and transparent. Love makes every moment lively, hopeful, andinteresting. These characteristics of love create an excellent conditionfor marriage, which then empowers creation of a family unit, whichis often said to be representative of God's opinion that life shouldgo on.

The subject of love and marriage is very important and all-inclusivebecause everyone that comes into this world is directlyinvolved. Whether rich or poor, black or white, royal or subject,you must know that every love and marriage relationship has its do'sand don'ts. Together, they make a vital and profitable relationshipbut one without the other causes grief and pain. Let us look at itanother way. Have you ever sat down to ponder how and why peoplefall in love? This is a mystery. It is beyond chemical attraction. Mentalk about the existence and life of love, but not love's conceptionand birth. Most people out of ignorance, or half-knowledge, dosay that "love is blind," but to me, this blindness, or lack of visionand foresight is the genesis of all the broken love relationships anddivorces that have become a tradition of our society.

How can love be blind where it sees attraction, and beauty? Loveis not blind. People fail to see that love is beyond their temporaryvision. Love is not temporary attraction. Anything temporary fadesand dies but love is everlasting, Love never dies. Loves grieves to seepeople failing to it – and how people suffer as a result. Falling inlove and going into marriage is not and should not be consideredchild's play. Maturity is essential to a love relationship, and you haveto think and consider and study a relationship with both physicaland spiritual eyes open. Your senses must be very alert and yourknowledge about what the relationship means to you must be veryacute. Love and marriage is the business of your heart. There is noglory or honor in divorces and break-ups. Broken hearts are hard tomend; hearts must be handled properly with His divine laws andknowledge. Every faulty love or marriage relationship is aggressivelyhurtful, and devastating to the individuals involved and to the societyin which they live. Understanding the ethics of relationships is moreprofitable than that of sex education which so many schools haveincluded into their school curriculum. Instead they should teach lovewhich prompts sex. Any sex relationship done outside love ends inchaos and in a bitter experience to young lovers.

A real love and marriage relationship is a wonderful andsweet union. Two members of opposite sex, each of whom have arelationship with God, join in total agreement to build and design awonderful law-abiding part of the society and contribute immenselyto the peaceful co-existence of the world for the rest of their lives.The problem of broken homes, break-ups and divorces was not likethis in the beginning. We have thrown away divine laws, traditions,and every element of cultural unity that upholds the pillar of loveand marriage. We have fallen apart. Look around you and tell me,what do you see? I see single mothers, divorcees, street-children,able bodied people in the shelters, and widows and widowers, whohave murdered their spouses as result of ugly and complicated loverelationship. Yes, these are what I see and all are by-products ofbroken homes, broken relationships, and divorces.

Every one of us has wandered very far from God as a result ofthe liberty we want for ourselves. As a consequence, we have createdthis anarchy in relationship for generation yet unborn.

A diminishing crisis can be managed, and hopefully come toan end someday. But a raging crisis cannot. This poses a threat likea time-bomb in our society. The upcoming generations who knownothing about pure and godly love relationships and marriages willall their life live in danger. A child who is taught sex education, forexample, knows only about one thing. It is sex: how to sex, how toprotect oneself from diseases and pregnancies, and perhaps the rightage to begin to sex. It is good but partial knowledge - not the sum.The child does not know who to sex, so the present generation sexesanything: animals, reptiles, birds, and same-sex individuals. Whythey must sex with whoever they want to is not even known to them.They don't know love that breeds sex, but just sex for the sake ofsex. Love now becomes the product of sex rather than sex being theproduct of love. This is the second genesis of the problem of brokenhomes and divorces in our society.

Every grown-up person was once a child and children learn bywatching, listening, and experimenting. Most couples are so carelessand immoral that their own children, or children around them,become like them. There are many things children should not seeuntil they grow up, because once seen is forever known.

Relationship Problems are Universal

One interesting thing about love and marriage relationship problemsis that it is universal. Kings and queens, presidents of great nationsand poor nations alike are in relationships. Heads of religiousorganizations and their followers, rich people and poor people are allliving with this problem. Children born today anywhere in the worldwill grow to inherit the problem. This problem needs a solution

When I was in Africa, I saw the problems of relationships butit was not so exposed. African culture, church and mosque makedivorce evil and secret, although it is ongoing secretly across thatsociety. Africans are poor, and we know that love without moneynever lasts long, but older people in African villages, they have nomoney and no splendor life, and yet their relationships with theirspouses are sweet and highly coordinated. The few rich people whoI thought would live happier, safer, and more united with theirspouses are even worse, and those who teach the word of God alsostruggle with relationship problems. I concluded that the problem issomething more than poverty. They are wandering away from Godand tradition.

I wanted to know more. I thought the people of Asia wouldhave better relationships, but I saw many complicated problems oflove and marriage relationships. People struggled to stay in love andpeople were crying "foul" and checking out of relationships. Brokenhomes and broken relationships were normal ways of life. If theproblem was caused by over-population, many people were lookingfor cheap sex. This is hard to answer, too. Some people I interviewedsaid they would choose to remain single rather than going into arelationship that would break their hearts. Nobody is ready to lovefor love. In Europe, people often commit suicide because of beinginvolved in a bad relationship. Why can't people with good livingstandards maintain their relationships in a decent loving manner?

America! God's own country! `Heaven on Earth nation?God have mercy! This is the worst nation on the surface of theEarth, for a love relationship. Why is America in this huge messregarding relationships? Why are almost 75% of the American adultpopulations divorced? Why are great numbers of American peopleliving as single parents? Are same-sex relationships the result offrustration and heartbreak caused by broken relationships with theopposite sex? So many broken homes in American society leaveinnocent children devastated in project housing, public shelters, andplaces of lawlessness and crime. No wonder there are so much crimein American society. Children beget children, because they havereceived no knowledge about the value of relationships. Childrenwant someone to love them and want them – so they create babiesfor themselves in great ignorance. Children need to be shown thatthey have the right to good parenting which will, in turn, supply agood education, good healthcare, and a good home life. Childrenneed good guidance to grow to be good citizens – this is true of anynation. Without good parenting, children will not learn or develop asense of responsibility. Without responsibility children cannot makegood decisions. Without the ability to make good decisions, they willlive their adult life in misery and danger. The only right that will beknown as a child is the right to live a good life.

The Undeniable Urge in Relationship

Love and marriage relationships are the urges you cannot ignore ordeny when an individual is of age. Relationship is not an act andcannot be acquired by wealth or might but by natural dispositionby God in every normal human being. Denying those urges, as agrown up, and normal individual results in activities that will neverbe good and appreciable life-style in any good society.

Counselors of Love Relationships and Marriages

These global situations of ugly relationships problems have promptedmany colleges and universities to create a curriculum of counselingor psychology, yet the problems grow worse by the day. Many ofthe counselors and psychologists themselves are victims of poorrelationships and divorces too. Some of their children are also nowwayward and live in the streets. This is why every one of us needsGod in our relationship and also believe God to lead you to agood counselor who is great in his or her relationship. The jobof counseling is not an easy one, because a piece of advice that isnot properly applied can destroy a relationship completely. I prayrelationship counselors and encourage them to do great jobs, butput their trust in God for better wisdom.

Love concept was instituted by the Creator, with a naturalprocedure of attaining it, but man has changed God's procedureto using human wisdom and approaches to love. Human ways failall the time, we cannot even manage our one-to-one relationshipas humans, how much more of possibly managing and leading oursociety right.

Love cannot be stopped. Love is the nature of man created in thedivine image, and love is what will heal the world. This foundationhas been laid down from the beginning of the world. The onlyway to solve the problems of relationship is to seek a way to makerelationships work, and this is exactly what this book is all about.No retreat or surrender in love and relationships is possible. Until away to make love work, create a sweet relationship is found, we willcontinue to seek a solution. Divorce is never a solution; a break-upis never a solution. Divorce multiplies the problem that is destroyingour children and society today. In the beginning, divorce was not anoption. Divorce was a source of shame and pain. Our forefathers hadlove relationships and marriages that ended in death. If the presentis not working, perhaps we should look at the past to learn how tohandle relationships in happiness and unity.

Relying on the current education and knowledge is a detour inthe divine plan for relationships. All attempts to go further lead todestruction. The earlier we realize this will be better for us and forour generations yet to be born. So many individuals and familieshave lamented the agony they go through daily as a result of divorceand broken relationships. "This is a time bomb," someone said to me.If the rate of divorce and broken relationships is not checked soon,the devastation to society will be huge.

Some Painful Effects of Broken LoveRelationships and Divorces

Divorce and broken relationships have had adverse effects on society.Every area of the family unit is harshly affected. Let's consider someof these effects.

Effect of Divorce on Children:

Children are dangerously affected by divorce. First, children losethe relationship between them and their parents when the parents aredivorced. The children begin to lack home training, practical support,financial support, and most of all- love. Emotionally, these childrenbecome depressed, wayward, arrogant, and lawless. Children of adivorced couple are less cultured, feel a sense of early responsibilityor guilt, and lack the ability to handle conflicts. Children are throwninto immature situations which they lack social skills and know-howto handle. These children confuse love and sex. Children fromdivorced homes face the danger of early pregnancies and childrearing,and their attitude toward marriage is destructive. Thesechildren often have no incentive for continued education, so theylose interest in school and skill training. They struggle financiallythroughout their life.

Single parenthood has much great knowledge missing in it;most importantly, genuine love. Waywardness in single parentingis high and often causes one to be a school dropout, and engage injuvenile delinquency. Some children become hardened criminalswho frustrate law and order, and kill people. Some children end uphating both parents and resolve to kill them, or join gangs to createsecurity and the sense of belonging in society. Some children becamedepressed and deteriorate in health. Some even commit suicide.

Children who up in an intact family with both biological parentspresent, do better on wide range of outcome. They are more peaceful,cultured, loving and balanced in thoughts and deeds than childrenwho grow up in a single parent family.

Effects of Divorce on Spouses

There are numerous effects of divorce on spouses. Both spousesare emotionally depressed, especially when they can no longer sharequality time with their children. Financially, spouses are affected byattorney fees, renting a new home, and caring for their children livingelsewhere. Spouses sometime become alcoholic or end up takingdrugs to cope with the situation. Some spouses become wretchedfrom paying child support to their ex-spouse and hate life. Spousescan end up in shelters when they cannot afford to pay rents; somebecome harlots and expose themselves to dangers of being killed byaddicts and robbers. Some spouses psychologically become sick anddie; or commit murder or suicide.

Effects of Divorce on Society

Divorce is a poison and a threat to a society. Some children ofdivorced couples do get involved in criminal activities that deprivegood people of their money and privacy; they commit fraud, fight,and kill people. These are some of the negative effects of divorce onsociety. Religious practices weaken; interest and comfort in educationdiminish. Divorces increase crimes such as, sexual abuse, use andsale of drugs, and other broken laws. While government spends moremoney combating crime, the society lives in fear.

CHAPTER 2

Foundation of Homes and Environment

Everything on earth, whether physical or spiritual, or any other areayour mind may explore has a beginning, and that very beginning iscalled the foundation. The foundation is, by and large, a structurewhich is laid for us to build upon. The foundation cuts across everysphere of human life and development. If positively laid, it breedssuccess in human endeavor. If it is negatively laid, it multipliesfailure, pains, and misery in human striving. We cannot buildanything without laying a foundation. Foundation is like the firstmilk fed into a child's sub-conscious mind for life endeavor. A goodand positive foundation allows achievement with little effort. On theother hand, a negative foundation offers little or no success. Historyhas shown that the laying of a negative foundation seldom builds apositive destiny. People must combine hard work and expend greatspiritual energy to change a negative foundation into a positive oneon which they can build.

Foundation is a critical factor in our lives. In this book, we lookat foundation in every area and how it positively or negatively affectsthe life we live, the way we think, the way we behave, and also theway we handle situations.