Gather your loved ones around the Yule Log, roll up your sleeves, and set off on an unforgettable and joyously absurd Christmas journey where your hands become the ultimate tools for adventure and hilarity!
Christmas Hand Jobs for the Whole Family is a heartwarming book of hands-on, helpful, Christmas activities for the family that 'could' be read to a child but is chock full of innuendos for adults that will have you on the floor laughing (and questioning your life decisions).
This delightful book invites readers to explore a world of timeless hand jobs that spark imagination and creativity to do together. From pounding your dough (making homemade cookies) to emptying your sack (taking toys out of Santa's bag) to calling some hookers (dialing a tow truck when the car breaks down), this book brings forth an enchanting world where everyday Christmas tasks become extraordinary adventures. Who doesn't want to tap that ass (playing pin the tail on the donkey) or blow your load (using a snowblower to clear the driveway)? Packed with endless ideas to encourage everyone to step away from screens and engage in hands-on holiday fun, this book is a delightful invitation to experience the magic of spending quality time together while laughing uncontrollably!
This book is perfect for anyone with a good sense of humor who wants to get into the Christamas spirit. It is a great playful gag gift or white elephant gift for new parents, grandparents, friends, co-workers (depends), and enemies!
Note: This book is intended solely for comedic and satirical purposes and should not be taken seriously. The content within is a work of parody, often exaggerating or twisting reality (very poorly) for humorous effect. It may contain mature themes and content that may not be suitable for all audiences. Reader discretion is advised. The author and publisher assume no responsibility for any misinterpretation or offense taken as a result of reading this book. Remember, it's all in good fun!Jack M. Offman, the undiscovered gem of questionable children's novels, is a 40-something who finds joy in the nerdy realm of laser tag and video games-probably why he's still single. While his books might often get the silent treatment, he passionately dives into them after introspective beach walks and avoiding DUIs. And for the record, he's the kind of guy who'd never risk a sprint with scissors. Legends say his zest for life might just be infectious, if anyone bothered to listen.
Amanda E. Tass is a 30-something, flaming-haired tempest with a temper hotter than the sun's core. Trained in the dark arts of propaganda artistry, she wields her brush with the finesse of a sorceress, enchanting minds with her illustrations. Her secret techniques, whispered among the art elite, can make a skeptic believe in unicorns. Cross her, and you'll be begging for mercy faster than you can say "watercolor." With a black belt in Jiu Jitsu, she can flip you like a pancake and leave you feeling flatter than a canvas. Let's just say Amanda's fiery disposition didn't exactly open doors at more "respectable" publishing houses.
