Clown with a Crown: Dotard J. Rump of Rumpistan

The world wants to know everything about Dotard J. Rump, the unbelievable strongman of the greatest country on earth. “Clown with a Crown” explains it all.

Question: Is the lovesick Dotard J. Rump the secret bride of his mondo macho man, Strongman Pullout?
Answer: Yes, this shuddersome pair has merged as one. “Love letters and a few words of insincere flattery from Strongman Pullout bought the heart of Rump. A few come-ons about lining his bulging pockets bought his soul. Flattery and greed consummated the union between strongmen Rump and Pullout”.

Question: What drives Strongman Dotard Rump?
Answer: Only three things. “He is programmed only for self-interest. He is hard-wired solely for greed, ego and vengeance, nothing else. He is obsessed only with looking good, grubbing money and crushing his enemies. Rump tramples on any laws, boundaries and norms in his way.”

Question: Who is the real Dotard J. Rump?
Answer: “Deep down, he is secretly a small frightened man-baby. The thin-skinned Rump is scared that people will find out that he is just a phony − a loser masquerading as a winner, a pretend gazillionaire, a small time wannabe from the village pretending to be a big league big shot in the big city”.

Question: Will Dotard Rump get us blown up in a war?
Answer: Wars are great distractions whenever Rump’s crimes and scandals bubble up because “people talk about the war and stop talking about the stuff that made you look bad! War is good! Great ratings! Front page! Makes you look manly, strong. Tough. Strongmen don’t like sissy stuff like diplomacy or negotiations. No jaw, jaw. Strongmen like war, war. OK? And strongmen tell the people, ‘War is good. Saves money!’ You get to use the war toys! No waste. Wars save money! Wars are good!’”

Question: What is the secret of Strongman Rump’s phenomenal success?
Answer: “In the space between Dotard J. Rump’s ears, is his “very good brain”, and lower down, his bloated gut. Informed by them, ‘no one knows more about everything than me!’ Who needs to learn about economics or what causes climate change or figure out the lessons of history? Who needs expertise when he can consult his gut? And who needs expert facts when Dotard J. Rump makes up much better alternative facts of his own?”

Question: Strongman Rump said his big tax cuts are fair for everyone. Is he lying?
Answer: About fairness, Rump said this: “Poor people get too much free stuff like education, roads, police, fresh air. All kinds of good stuff they don’t pay for. Freebies! Can you believe it? Free! It’s out of control! They don’t pay for it! So unfair! No fair! Strongmen make sure the system is fair by taking free stuff away from poor people and giving free money to rich people. Am I right? That’s fair! We need more fairness.”

Question: Should we believe anything the Dotard says?
Answer: No. “Without any values or principles, the only motives behind his words are expedience and looking good. In a heartbeat, the erratic Dotard will say the opposite thing as his self-interest and looking good take a different turn. Dotard Rump has never bothered with consistency or logic or intelligence or honesty in anything he says or does”.

Question: What’s with all the lying?
Answer: “Rump believes he is so smart people simply believe any lie he tells because he said it. The feral liar Dotard Rump tells outrageously obvious lies without any fear of discovery. He feels no guilt or shame when his lies are exposed. Without hesitation or reflection, he just moves on to the next set of casual and blatant lies. The pathologically crooked Dotard lies even when he doesn’t need to lie. Lying is as natural as breathing. Strongman Rump’s compulsive lying is spontaneous and impulsive, often without any motive or benefit or strategy. Strongman Rump just lies whenever his lips move. It's as simple as that".