The Continuing Very Private Diary Of Emily Jade Murphy: (Aged 6 Months, & Counting)

THE CONTINUING VERY PRIVATE DIARY OF EMILY JADE MURPHY
(Aged 6 Months, and Counting)

By Paul Myrphy

And you thought the first 6 months were weird! Now it’s time to stop being a baby (you are, after all, half a year old now), and to get on with the growing-up business. You’ve got to learn to talk. To walk. To re-address the socio-economic incongruities between the 3rd world, the 1st world, and your lack of pocket money. Yet they still keep you in a cot, wearing nappies! They’ll regret it when your diaries get published, and people get to read about what you’ve had to endure…………….

Saturday July 11th

“Does she want to get out of her cot and sit on Grandma’s lap then?”
Only if I can do so whilst riding an elephant. (I woke up on the wrong side of the cot this morning)

Friday August 16th

The French symbolist poet Arthur Rimbaud once said “‘I’ is another.”
Hmph. I’ll bet he didn’t say it on payday.

Tuesday October 13th

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

(I am ‘teething’, apparently)

Wednesday November 22nd

I am being baby-sat by the Lizzy. She has: shown me how to put make-up on; taught me how to pluck my eyebrows; and informed me of the difference between ‘tights’ and ‘stockings’. (About twice a night, whatever that means).
She is currently attempting to teach me to say “All men are cheating swines!”.

Saturday November 25th

“Plastic”
“Real”
“Plastic”
“Plastic”
“One real, one plastic”.

The Mumsy and the Ronnie are watching reruns of ‘Baywatch’.


Everyone’s favourite sarky baby is back! If you thought the first volume was hilarious, you were right! (If you didn’t, this one’s funnier). Buy it now, it’ll alter your life! And also your bank balance, but only to the cost of a takeaway meal or so.