Couples: Exploring and Understanding the Cycles of Intimate Relationships

Traces the three major stages of a typical relationship, and suggests the reasons some relationships last while others break down

All couples traverse three distinct stages during the course of a relationship, according to Dym (co-founder of the Family Institute in Cambridge, Mass.) and Glen (co-founder of Family Systems Medicine, also in Cambridge). During the first stage, called Expansion and Promise--what we usually think of as "falling in love"--couples establish the foundation of their relationship and generate "interactional sequences"--predictable patterns of communication. Eventually most couples must acknowledge their individual limitations; conflicts arise as they enter "contradiction and betrayal." If the couple survives this time of mutual disillusionment, they move on to "resolution," where they work through differences and establish a lasting love. Unusual in its scope and depth, this book, though somewhat reductive, examines the impact of cultural expectations and the influence of outside parties ("context") on intimate relationships. Case histories and diverse couples including several gay and lesbian partnerships are presented.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Children have stages, said Erik Erikson; adults have stages, said Daniel Levinson and Gail Sheehy; and now, says this team, couples have stages as well. So what else is new? asks anyone who has ever been in a sustained relationship. What's new is that Dym (Clinical Psychology/Harvard Medical School) and Glenn (a psychiatrist) have attempted to codify the stages. First comes ``Expansion and Promise'' (the honeymoon), then ``Contraction and Betrayal'' (the end of the honeymoon), and, finally, ``Resolution'' (compromise). In Expansion, the lovers flower, each presenting the best that they can be, each seeing the other through an amber lens. In Contraction, reality sets in as the lovers fall back on old patterns and view each other as if in a police lineup. Uninhibited charm becomes empty-headed chatter; quiet strength becomes stubborn withdrawal. In Resolution, the lovers negotiate, and appreciate their differences. Unlike other stage theories, the authors' doesn't plateau at a final stage; instead, the cycle replays again and again until the relationship ends or the periods of happy Expansion or acceptable Resolution override those of painful Contraction. Unfortunately, however, misery seems to dominate the case histories, which also seem to highlight stereotypes--for example, whiny women and disaffected men, a selection that seems retrogressive after a generation of women have struggled for independence, and men for sensitivity. Despite some nuggets--among them a discussion of the character of the couple as distinct from the characters of its participants- -the discouraging examples and types undermine the authors' messages. -- Copyright ©1993, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

In this well-written and realistic book, the authors present their theme that all enduring relationships pass through three recurring stages: expansion and promise, contraction and betrayal, and resolution. The details of each phase are described, as are the various ways in which couples repeatedly cycle through these stages. During this process, the authors claim, the character of the individual and the character of the couple co-evolve. Basically descriptive and speculative, Couples delineates the passage on which all relationships embark. Because it is always useful to know what to expect, this book is remarkably helpful. Recommended for public and academic libraries.
- January Adams, Somerville P.L., N.J.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc.