Andrew was writing a book about how to live with crazy humans. He died before he could finish it. When Rita came on the scene, she decided to finish the book and really tell humans what is wrong with them.

Curb and Leash Your Human

By Andrew Ludwig Rita Ludwig

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 Andrew Ludwig and Rita Ludwig
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4520-5043-0

Contents

Foreword........................................viiAndrew - First Meeting..........................1Rita - First Meeting............................7Andrew - First Weeks............................13Rita - First Weeks..............................19Andrew - Spirits................................27Rita - Spirits..................................31Andrew - Unconditional Love.....................36Rita - Unconditional Love.......................40Andrew - Vet Visits.............................43Rita - Vet Visits...............................49Andrew - Grief..................................54Rita - Grief....................................59Andrew - War....................................63Rita - War......................................66Andrew - Rules..................................69Rita - Rules....................................73Andrew - Holidays...............................82Rita - Holidays.................................88Andrew - Fishing/Camping........................96Rita - Fishing/Camping..........................103Andrew - Entitlements...........................109Rita - Entitlements.............................115Andrew - Happiness..............................120Rita - Happiness................................125Rita's Post Script..............................129

Chapter One

Andrew - First Meeting

I was headed to another dog show; this time it was in Davis, California. I was born and lived in Concord, a mere hour away, so the ride wasn't going to be a long one.

My problem wasn't with the ride, because I loved riding in cars. My problem was that I had to share a kennel with my sister. I didn't like her too much; she was bossy and pushy. Needless to say, she didn't give me much room to spread my legs out. Mom had to go along also, because we were only three months old.

Our breeder was a nice enough woman, but she had too many dogs. Mom got to ride up front with her. Someday, I was going to ride in the front. None of us were allowed to put our heads out the window and feel the fresh air. We were told we could get hurt doing that. I never understood why we could get hurt. I thought air was soft and comforting.

Dog shows were not my favorite thing to do. I didn't know what my favorite thing to do was, but I knew there was something more fun out there than dog shows.

I'd only been in one show and I took second. I guess that would have been a big deal, except my sister took first, so, of course, she got all the praise and attention. Maybe that's why mom liked her best.

I didn't know much about humans and assumed you would always live with the one who brought you into the world. After all, I loved her and had no idea I could even love another human.

All of that changed the minute I spotted MY human walking onto the grounds of the park we were at. Oh, my goodness, I could tell just by looking at her that I wanted to live with her. She smelled like my soul-mate, even a hundred yards away.

We had just finished being shown and again, I took second to my sister, who was busy trying to lord it over me. I tried to ignore her and concentrate on my human.

She was with a friend and as they came closer, I could hear their conversation.

"So, how come you've never had a dog?" her friend asked.

She laughed; I loved her laugh.

"Oh, I don't know. Never had the time, I guess. All my friends have dogs, so I just enjoy them."

I knew I could make her forget all those other dogs, if she'd take me home with her.

"What kind would you have, if you had one?"

My ears perked up, waiting for the answer.

"A whippet," she replied quickly.

My heart started pounding and my body began to shake. I had to get her to notice me.

"A what?" her friend asked.

"A whippet-they are like greyhounds, only smaller."

We are not like greyhounds, I thought to myself. We're better.

When her friend asked why she wanted a whippet, she responded, "Some friends of mine had whippets and I just adored them. They were cute, affectionate and friendly, highly intelligent, too. They are elegant, funny and serious all at the same time. They are delightful."

I was ecstatic. This had to be my human, but how would I ever get her attention?

All of a sudden, her friend pointed towards us. "Look, whippets."

"Where?"

"Over in the corner; let's go."

My heart was in my throat as they approached. She was the most beautiful human I had ever seen. Well, okay, maybe not the most beautiful, but I knew I already loved her. The next thing I knew, they were standing next to my sister and my mom. Would she even notice me?

"How cute," my human observed. "How old are they?"

She glanced over at me. I know she did.

"Three months."

I almost gagged when she reached down to pet my sister, but, being the bitch she was, she snapped at my human. I could have killed her at that moment, but I was kind of glad she did it. My human looked at me. I so wanted to leap into her arms and beg her to take me home.

Our breeder explained that my sister didn't always take to strangers (excuse me, she never was nice to humans), but, she had taken first place in the dog show. She also noted the beautiful white and fawn coloring of her and her mom. Oh, barf!

She added that my sister and I had been in two shows, and, of course, had to mention I had placed second both times.

It was pointed out that I was white with dark brindle markings and had a spot on my side that looked like a saddle, and a cute exclamation mark on top of my head. I would have blushed if I knew what it all meant.

At that point, my human looked over at me and I sat up and stared right into her eyes.

"Are you interested in whippets?" my breeder asked.

"Well, actually, I've only met two and I absolutely loved them. I was telling my friend that if I ever got a dog, it would be a whippet."

"He is for sale," my breeder stated, and my hopes grew. "I'm keeping the female. I'd like to find a buyer for him soon. He's more than old enough to be on his own."

Way to go, breeder, I thought. Sell me to her.

My human muttered to her friend, "Sure he's expendable because he didn't come in first. Look at that face."

I tried to smile.

"But," the breeder interrupted, "you'd have to be willing to show him. He comes from good stock. His grandfather won several championships."

"Oh, I'm not into dog shows. I want a pet and companion, someone to go camping and fishing with."

Inside I was screaming-don't ruin it. I could see my breeder cringing at the thought of my doing something besides dog shows. But, I want to go; I'll do anything, even if I don't know how to fish or camp.

My breeder gave my human her card and mumbled something about calling her if she changed her mind.

What was I going to do? My human was getting away. Couldn't someone do something?

"You know, I could always show him for you," my breeder offered.

Say yes, say yes; anything to get me out of here and into your life.

"That would mean he'd be gone on weekends when I'm off work and would want him with me."

She's going to ruin it; say yes.

Her friend butted in, "Why would she want to show him if he always comes in second to his sister? You have a champion in her-why not let him go?"

Way to go friend, I cheered. Gang up on her and get me outta here.

"I'll have to think about that. I do need to find a home for him soon. Would you like to take him for a walk?"

This time, I could no longer sit still. I was up and running in circles. This was my chance. Take me for a walk and then we can sneak right on out of the park.

I knew all about how to please humans when you walk with them. I had been trained and knew what to do so I wouldn't get punished. I walked next to my human, sat when she stopped walking, and the whole time never took my eyes off her.

"Is that cute or what?" her friend commented. "He keeps looking up at you. You two are perfect together. He looks like he belongs to you."

I was beginning to like my human's friend; she might be the one to bring this whole thing together. I decided to be nice to her, too.

Several people stopped and commented on how cute I was. I was getting a lot of help.

"What's his name?" someone asked.

"Actually, I don't know. He's really not mine-yet."

Oh my God, she said yet. How can I keep cool when I know she's considering taking me home with her? Oh my God, oh my God, this might really happen.

When we returned, I went to my bed and sat patiently, looking at my human.

"What's his name?" my human asked.

The breeder pulled out all my papers with a long list of pedigrees and stuff. I knew my human would not care about any of it; she just wanted me.

"We call him Hit Man. I'm a big basketball fan and all the pups in his litter were given nicknames of the players on the US Olympic team."

"So, he was named after Charles Barkley?"

"You're a fan, too. Yes, he was named after Charles."

Way to go, human. You are scoring points with my breeder. Keep it up and I'll win this game.

"He doesn't look like a Hit Man to me," my human said as she stared into my very soul. I stared right back.

"Oh, he isn't, but none of the guys were nicknamed Marshmallow. Tell you what; I really want to find a home for him soon. Give me your phone number and if I can't place him with someone who will show him, I'll call and see if you are still interested.

My human leaned down and hugged me. The world stood still. "Oh, I'll still be interested," she replied.

She looked sad as she turned to leave, and I was too. But, I had high hopes. I knew she knew we were meant for each other. I was going to do everything and anything I had to so no one else would want me. My breeder was going to be making that call soon.

I was miserable at home. I didn't want my human to forget me, and I didn't want my breeder to sell me to someone else. I fought with my sister and mom. I knocked over all the water dishes as soon as the breeder filled them. I didn't care if they were upset with me.

What I didn't know was that my human's friend called the breeder and convinced her somehow that my human was perfect for me. I'll always be grateful to that friend. In the meantime, I continued to misbehave and knew my breeder would give me up eventually.

I was lying outside in the sun one afternoon and I swore I heard my human's voice. I thought I must be dreaming, but I knew that voice. I jumped up and ran inside. I scurried around the corner, slid on the rug and came to a stop at my human's feet. It was a dream comes true.

My breeder laughed, "I'd say he remembers you."

No kidding, I remembered. All my work had paid off and she was here to take me home with her.

Apparently, they had paper work to do and the breeder explained about the special leashes she used for us so we wouldn't hurt our necks if we lunged at something and she gave my leash to my human. She also said to never let me off leash because I loved to run and would run away from her.

I was never going to leave my human.

The breeder also told her to put up or hide garbage and trash cans because whippets were garbage hounds. Darn, I wished she hadn't told her that. And, she said, I needed a kennel to sleep in or I'd be under the covers all night. I was pretty sure my human would want me there; I could tell.

They were taking too much time for instructions. I wanted to get out of there. But, no, I had to have my last shot and a bath. My human went with me and we never let each other out of our sight. I whimpered when I got my shot. The breeder said I always did that even though it didn't hurt.

Finally, I was ready to go. The breeder slipped my collar on me and handed the leash to my human and we smiled at each other. We walked out the door and I never looked back.

Rita - First Meeting

I was born in into the Cove Creek Whippets family. I was, of course, the most beautiful and intelligent of the litter. My mother, Helen, treated me as though I were more special than the others.

Oh, I know, mothers aren't supposed to have favorites, but I was that exceptional. I think she liked my sister, Anna, so the two of us became close friends.

Dennis was in charge of the breeding and training. I was considered one of the best for dog shows. He was such a pushover. All I had to do was rest my chin on his knee and bat my big brown eyes at him, and I got everything I wanted.

When we were old enough, we went to live with Karen, the other kennel owner. We became like her children and had lots of freedom. She was kind and gentle with us and tolerant of most of the things puppies do, but she was not the pushover Dennis was.

We got to run through the house and play. When we needed to go outside to do our business, we did. She didn't have to come out and check on us to make sure we were behaving. Most of us didn't enjoy digging, so that wasn't a problem.

One day, I was bored, so I jumped the fence to see what was on the other side. I needed a little more excitement in my life, and it was exciting out in the world. We lived near a golf course and I found all kinds of things to chase, like little four-legged creatures that could run fast, so I chased them.

But, somewhere along the route, I got lost and hadn't paid attention to where I was in relationship to my house. It got dark and I wanted to be home where it was warm and I could get something to eat. I finally found a place to hide and laid down for a nap. I was tired and scared. There were all kinds of strange noises out there that I'd never heard before. I knew I would have to find my way home the next day.

I'm not sure how many days I was lost, but I was plenty worried about getting back home. The nights were the worst because I didn't know what to expect or what I might run into. As I was wandering, I found a road and stopped running for a while. I didn't know if the road would take me home or not, so I just sat there, contemplating what to do.

All of a sudden, I heard Karen's voice calling my name, but I couldn't see her. I sat up and there she was. I ran to her and gave her a kiss; she was so happy to see me. I'm not usually free with my kisses unless it is somehow going to benefit me. She picked me up and took me home. I was never allowed to go out in the back yard by myself again.

They started taking me lots of places and showed me to other people. They said I was winning points, but I never saw any points so they meant nothing to me. My breeders got a great deal of pleasure out of those stupid points, and I got extra treats.

I got my championship papers within a year from the American Kennel Club. I couldn't believe someone actually issues a paper for that sort of thing. All along, I thought papers were issued to dogs to assist in potty training.

So, done with being a champion, now I was going to have some fun. People always pick out some good looking male for you to have fun with. But, if you can't stand him, they will find someone else. The only thing about having fun is, of course, you have to give birth to the pups, so I did- all eight of them.

They were kind of cute and since they couldn't see when they were born, it was pretty easy to take care of them. When I got tired of them, I would slip away and not have to worry; they didn't know what I looked like.

Okay, so laugh-it was worth a shot. We all know our own by how we smell and a few other factors I won't get into. Funny, I don't recall seeing humans smell each other. Since we know that humans are not exactly discreet, they must have some other way to identify their own, or maybe they don't care to identify them.

Of course, human children live with their parents forever, at least one hundred years or more (in our years).

I guess if you hang out with anyone that long, you'd start to recognize them. Whippets all have their own distinct markings, so once you meet someone, you can tell who they are by how they look. I don't think humans can do that-they all look alike.

After my first litter, I got to return to my beauty queen style of life. I was gorgeous, was a champion, and gave my people some beautiful pups, which, thank God, they found good homes for.

Then there was this thing about shows. I was supposed to do what? Hadn't I given my all? They wanted me to parade around with a bunch of psychologically challenged mutts who thought they were better than me? But, the kicker was, one of us was going to be picked as best in show! What the hell does that mean? It means nothing to a dog.

To add insult to injury, the best in show was going to be picked by a human! Oh, please, what do they really know about us? They've never been in our paws. I can name at least a dozen dogs (all related to me) that would make better judges.

I went to work on my breeders to see if I could just go and have some more fun. This time, they selected the guy I would have picked in the first place, Timmy. Was he handsome? He was like THE dog of all dogs. I started to say he was the God of all dogs, but I remembered humans use that term for someone really special to them. I still think one of them was dyslexic and got the spelling wrong, so I don't want to make that same mistake.

Timmy and I had a ball. Poor Timmy was pooped when I finally let him go.

I had eight pups the first time around, which I guess is pretty normal. The second batch started coming and after eight, everyone thought I was through. I wished I were through; it's hard work. But, I knew there was one left and he didn't seem to want to come out.

Dennis and Karen knew I was still in labor and struggling, so they put me in a box and headed to the vet. By the time we arrived, Ivan had been born and I was busy cleaning him. Isn't that just like a kid to make his mother suffer a little longer?

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Curb and Leash Your Humanby Andrew Ludwig Rita Ludwig Copyright © 2010 by Andrew Ludwig and Rita Ludwig. Excerpted by permission.
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