Synopsis
This book features a number of ironic observations on life by an eccentric, absent-minded professor who exhibits an extreme fondness of alliteration and paradoxes. Many of the observations involve diatribes against offenses that few people could even have imagined, let alone committed. A rather "dry" sense of humor pervades this work, which is generously sprinkled with plays on words and what might most charitably be described as a "novel" way of looking at the world. One might reasonably conclude that the author harbors obsessions with ducks, Dachshunds, and doughnut eating police officers. If you enjoy irreverence and a novel perspective, you should keep in mind the old adage, "Be careful what you wish for!" A few samplers: - Any residents of Washington, B.C. were most likely Native Americans. - Proof found outside the pudding is likely to be much less messy. - A minister suffering from laryngitis is in a poor condition to preach to the choir. - The right to use bullet points may be guaranteed by both the First and Second amendments. - Someone singing “Do Cry for Me, Argentina” is likely rather self-centered. - Granting a child’s Christmas wish for a hippopotamus would, under most circumstances, be somewhat unkind to his or her parents. - Morally marginal individuals ought to be aware that what happens in Vegas may stay on Facebook and Youtube for a long time! - One would hope that a piece of textile with the message that “Dog food is delicious” is a dog coat. - It is mean for parents not to allow their children to clean their rooms. - It is really sad to hear one elementary school student bragging to another that “My funeral is going to be bigger than your funeral!” - Authors who are afraid of the dark should refrain from hiring ghostwriters. - One rarely ever hears any objection being expressed to the comparison of pears and grapefruits. - If Lynn Anderson suddenly has a memory of this, the decent thing to do is to record “I DID Promise You a Rose Garden.” - If it does not look like a Dachshund, does not walk like a Dachshund, and does not bark like a Dachshund, it might be considered deceptive to list it on Craigslist as a Dachshund without disclosing these material facts. - A nun who wakes up the whole neighborhood while beating up a fellow nun for disturbing the peace needs a serious talk by the mother superior about goal displacement and constructive ways to deal with problem co-workers. - There does not appear to be any support in respected, peer reviewed journals for the hypothesis that a pear a day keeps the dentist away. - Cain may have been the first communist. - To minimize the risk of injury, it might be helpful to move one’s tongue before turning the other cheek. - When in Rome, one should try to make a profit on the Romans. - It would have been nice if Carly could have clarified whether, if attending a party on a yacht, one should walk aboard as if walking into a party or as if walking onto a yacht. - Few people seen to question the authenticity of Bruce Springsteen's birth certificate. - If it quacks, but not like a duck, one might well be confused.
About the Author
Lars Perner is an Assistant Professor of Clinical Marketing at the Marshall School of Business at the University of Southern California. He holds a B.A. in political science and psychology and an M.B.A. from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo, and a Ph.D. in marketing from the University of Southern California. Dr. Perner's research interests focus on consumer behavior, non-profit marketing, international marketing, win-win deals, and autism subtypes.
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