Delightful Reflections:: Quips, Conjectures, and Pontifications (Volume 1)

This book features a number of ironic observations on life by an eccentric, absent-minded professor who exhibits an extreme fondness of alliteration and paradoxes. Many of the observations involve diatribes against offenses that few people could even have imagined, let alone committed. A rather "dry" sense of humor pervades this work, which is generously sprinkled with plays on words and what might most charitably be described as a "novel" way of looking at the world. One might reasonably conclude that the author harbors obsessions with ducks, Dachshunds, and doughnut eating police officers. If you enjoy irreverence and a novel perspective, you should keep in mind the old adage, "Be careful what you wish for!" A few samplers: - Any residents of Washington, B.C. were most likely Native Americans. - Proof found outside the pudding is likely to be much less messy. - A minister suffering from laryngitis is in a poor condition to preach to the choir. - The right to use bullet points may be guaranteed by both the First and Second amendments. - Someone singing “Do Cry for Me, Argentina” is likely rather self-centered. - Granting a child’s Christmas wish for a hippopotamus would, under most circumstances, be somewhat unkind to his or her parents. - Morally marginal individuals ought to be aware that what happens in Vegas may stay on Facebook and Youtube for a long time! - One would hope that a piece of textile with the message that “Dog food is delicious” is a dog coat. - It is mean for parents not to allow their children to clean their rooms. - It is really sad to hear one elementary school student bragging to another that “My funeral is going to be bigger than your funeral!” - Authors who are afraid of the dark should refrain from hiring ghostwriters. - One rarely ever hears any objection being expressed to the comparison of pears and grapefruits. - If Lynn Anderson suddenly has a memory of this, the decent thing to do is to record “I DID Promise You a Rose Garden.” - If it does not look like a Dachshund, does not walk like a Dachshund, and does not bark like a Dachshund, it might be considered deceptive to list it on Craigslist as a Dachshund without disclosing these material facts. - A nun who wakes up the whole neighborhood while beating up a fellow nun for disturbing the peace needs a serious talk by the mother superior about goal displacement and constructive ways to deal with problem co-workers. - There does not appear to be any support in respected, peer reviewed journals for the hypothesis that a pear a day keeps the dentist away. - Cain may have been the first communist. - To minimize the risk of injury, it might be helpful to move one’s tongue before turning the other cheek. - When in Rome, one should try to make a profit on the Romans. - It would have been nice if Carly could have clarified whether, if attending a party on a yacht, one should walk aboard as if walking into a party or as if walking onto a yacht. - Few people seen to question the authenticity of Bruce Springsteen's birth certificate. - If it quacks, but not like a duck, one might well be confused.

Lars Perner is an Assistant Professor of Clinical Marketing at the Marshall School of Business at the University of Southern California. He holds a B.A. in political science and psychology and an M.B.A. from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo, and a Ph.D. in marketing from the University of Southern California. Dr. Perner's research interests focus on consumer behavior, non-profit marketing, international marketing, win-win deals, and autism subtypes.