Desire : An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships

A radically inclusive, sex-positive guide to managing the inevitable libido differences in our relationships, authored by two certified sex therapists who are passionate about good sex

2024 Distinguished Book Award Winner, selected by the American Psychological Association’s Division 44

Desire invites readers of all ages, genders, sexual orientations, and relationship structures to shed the shame and misinformation that surround the topic of sex and instead learn from 2 certified sex therapists about how libido really works. Desire differences are one of the most common relationship issues, yet, with fewer than 1,100 certified sex therapists in the country, it can be difficult to find help. This essential book breaks the mold of the sex self-help genre, which typically focuses only on cisgender women.

Through the authors’ expert guidance readers will learn about

• embracing a more expansive definition of sex,
• identifying various factors that can impact libido,
• managing anxiety around sex (one of the biggest libido killers),
• the structural oppressions—from cisnormativity to heteronormativity to compulsory sexuality to minority stress—that affect our libido,
• and much, much more.

It rejects the narrow, heteronormative, “staircase” model of sex—a way of thinking where many relationships get stuck. It integrates evidence-based relationship therapy techniques for better communication around sex.

Included are dozens of techniques, exercises, checklists, and journal prompts for readers to use at their own pace to fit their needs, including mindfulness, body mapping, and sensate focus. Whatever your identity, sexual practices, or reason for picking up this book, Desire will help you reach your personal sexual health goals.

Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy (she/her) is a licensed psychologist and an AASECT certified sex therapist. She owns a virtual private practice specializing in sex and relationship therapy in a surburb of Minneapolis, MN. She can be found on Instagram at @drlaurenfogelmersy.

Dr. Jennifer A. Vencill (she/her) is an assistant professor, board certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT-certified sex therapist. Dr. Vencill provides integrated sexual health care at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN, and sits on the editorial board of the International Journal of Sexual Health and Psychology of Sexual Orientation & Gender Diversity.