Discussing Pornography Problems with a Spouse: Confronting and Disclosing Secret Behaviors

An increasing number of people are turning to the Internet for pornography and related activities such as illicit chat rooms, cybersex, solicitation of prostitutes, or worse, predatory behavior towards minors. In most cases, secrecy enables and perpetuates these problems. These behaviors have devastating effects on marriages. Unfortunately, most spouses do not know how to appropriately confront their partner who may be indulging in these behaviors.

Ironically, many spouse’s who participate in these unhealthy activities desire to abandon their behavior and free themselves from a double life, but do not know how to disclose their secrets to their partner. This is a difficult task because they fear the consequences from taking this risk. Many are afraid the disclosure will dissolve the marriage. Although this is true for some, a large majority of spouses are willing to support their companions and work through the problems together.

Whether you want to confront or disclose secret behaviors related to pornography problems, this book contains valuable information gathered from clinical experience, research, and the testimonies of clients struggling to overcome these issues.

Rory C. Reid, MSW is a therapist with a Utah based private counseling agency. His graduate research at the University of Utah focused on impulse control disorders with pornography and cybersex on the Internet. Rory has worked for the Utah State Prison Sex Offender Treatment Program and the Monarch Treatment and Assessment Center in Salt Lake City. He has treated many individuals with issues related to sexual deviance and pornography. He has presented on the subject of pornography for numerous audiences including Campus Education Week, the news media, and radio talk shows. He is a board member for the Utah Coalition Against Pornography and sits on the executive board for Women for Decency. He lives with his wife Renee and their son.

Dan Gray, LCSW is the clinical director of Sexual Trauma and Recovery (STAR) in Salt Lake City and a former therapist with LDS Family Services and the Intermountain Sexual Abuse Treatment Team. He is a licensed clinical social worker and specializes in addictions counseling. His private practice in the STAR program provides individual, group, and family therapy to people struggling with pornography and sexual addictions. Dan has counseled hundreds of clients with sexual issues related to pornography, homosexuality, and sexual deviance. He has lectured and provided training and consultation to numerous community, religious, and professional organizations. He lives with his wife Becky and is the father of four children.