How to Drive a Car

Grab a hold of the steering column, kid. No, tighter than that—if we hit a pothole at twenty miles an hour, this whole carriage is going to vibrate like a wet dog.

Welcome to the 1920s—a very fast, very oily, and very poorly cushioned race toward the horizon. In this era, "learning to drive" consists of a salesman showing you which lever makes it go and then wishing you luck as you drive headfirst into a storefront. In this comically annotated guide, The Reckless Driver—survivor of eight "Ford Fractures," twelve ditch-landings, and one very awkward race against a biplane—explains how to survive the "Gasoline Age."

Using 100% real historical documents, including genuine Ford Model T instruction books, early Chevrolet owners' guides, and the horrific traffic safety reports of the mid-1920s, this volume reveals the high-stakes madness of early motoring. Learn why your car is actively trying to break your arm with its hand-crank, how to navigate a world before traffic lights were invented, and why the "Rumble Seat" was considered the greatest threat to American morality since the discovery of gin.

Inside this guide to mechanical mayhem, you’ll discover:

• The Ford Fracture: Why the hand-crank is a weapon of war and how to keep your radius bone intact during the morning start.

• The Salesman’s Luck: The "three-minute lesson" that turns every pedestrian into a moving target.

• Rumble Seat Romance: A survival guide for backseat scandals and why the "out of gas" alibi is a mandatory social grace.

• The Pothole Protocol: Navigating the "Open Road" before it was actually paved—and why your car has the structural integrity of a birdcage.

• The 45-MPH Death Wish: Why reaching the city limits without an explosion is considered a triumph of modern engineering.

The Driver’s Verdict: A sharp, satirical, and modern-day translation of an age that decided brakes were optional but "style" was mandatory.

The radiator is steaming and the ditch is waiting. Fix your goggles, check your oil, and remember: If a man tells you his car is "unbreakable," he’s probably about to hit a tree.