Eats, Poops & Leaves: The Essential Apologies, Rationalizations, and Downright Denials Every New Parent Needs to Know and Other Fundamentals of Baby Etiquette

Because What You Don’t Know, Will Embarrass You.

What should you do if your baby shrieks at a wedding or “stealth vomits” on an innocent bystander? How can you use your child to avoid old friends you never liked in the first place? Is there a polite way to encourage cash baby-shower gifts or determine whether or not your babysitter is insane? Are there special rules for parentally impaired drivers?

Eats, Poops & Leaves has the answers to all these questions and more, offering polite yet innovative solutions to the etiquette situations—from the mundane to the bizarre—that confront all new parents, including:

Travel Etiquette: What to do when your baby screams on a plane

Workplace Etiquette: How to use your child (or your friend's!) as an excuse for tardiness and incompetence

Beauty Etiquette: Do strangers confuse your bald baby girl for a boy? We've got solutions.

Lots of books teach you how to change diapers, but this is the first book that will help you trick your spouse into doing it. At last, a hip, hysterical, illustrated etiquette guide to the things new parents really need to know.

Adam Wasson is the coauthor of The Self-Destruction Handbook. His three-year-old daughter already beats him at Scrabble, but that’s because she uses words like wxiblhee.