I'm Famous, I wanna escape (Deadpulse)

I'm Milo Moon. YouTuber. Occasional survival presenter. Full-time sceptic.

When I signed up for a jungle reality show, I expected the usual: fake drama, real bruises, and at least one celebrity crying into the cameras.

I did not sign up for zombies.

At first it was just the outside world losing its mind, riots, blackouts, producers muttering about "regional issues," as if the apocalypse respects postcodes.

Then the dead started turning up, and they weren't big on personal space.

Now we're trapped in a sealed jungle camp with fading celebrities and influencers who still think "elimination" means going home. The audience vote no longer decides who leaves, it keeps the lights on and the electric fence humming. Honestly, it's the most British way the world could end.

Outside, the zombies are getting organised. Inside, I've somehow become the reluctant leader. (No one voted for me. I wasn't even qualified.)

We need fuel. A working generator. A plane that may or may not exist.

And the cameras are still rolling.

Because if there's one thing worse than the apocalypse... it's the fact that the world still needs content.