The Father You Get And the One

In a world of imperfect-at-best and bad-at-worst dads, what is the ideal of fatherhood we aspire to? Why does this ideal exist?

What is it about fathers and father figures that looms so large in the lives of so many? So wonders Patton Dodd in this intimate reflection and memoir in which he wrestles with a dad-sized hole, the gap between the father he yearned to have and the father he got―an absent-while-present alcoholic whose unreliability caused chaos for everyone around him.

This struggle with the father he was given led to a variety of substituted: fathers he created, from an imaginary "Papa Friend" to male mentors he turned into father figures. Then there's the father he believed in, a Heavenly Father, made present by the steadfast and stubborn faith of his earthly mother. And finally, there is the father Dodd became when he had his own children, an experience that led him to track down the source and mystery of the father he got.

Throughout, Dodd's story resonates for anyone who struggles with the fathers they got, the fathers they wish they had--and anyone struggling to become the parent they hope to be.

A lyrical, emotional meditation on the failures and glories of dadhood, The Father You Get is an extended wrestling match with the mysteries of a distant parental figure and an attempt to bridge the gap between the fathers we get and the fathers our hearts yearn for.

Patton Dodd is the executive director of storytelling and communications for the H. E. Butt Foundation in San Antonio, Texas. Along with overseeing communications strategy for the organization, he runs Know Your Neighbor, a program that uses storytelling to build bridges across San Antonio's economic divides. Dodd is a longtime journalist and essayist whose work has appeared in the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic, Financial Times, Newsweek, Slate, CNN.com, and Christianity Today. He holds a doctorate in religion and literature from Boston University and served as an instructor of English, composition, and film studies at the United States Air Force Academy. His books include My Faith So Far and The Prayer Wheel.