Feedback (and Other Dirty Words): Why We Fear It, How to Fix It

A practical and irreverent guide to taking the sting out of feedback and reclaiming it as a motivating, empowering experience for everyone involved.

Feedback: the mere mention of the word can make our blood pressure rise and our defenses go up. For many of us, it’s a dirty word that we associate with bias, politics, resentment, and self-doubt. However, if we take a step back and think about its true intent, we realize that feedback needn’t be a bad thing. After all, understanding how others experience us provides valuable opportunities to learn and grow.

Authors M. Tamra Chandler and Laura Grealish explain how feedback got such a bad rap and how to recognize and minimize the negative physical and emotional responses that can erode trust and shut down communication. They offer a new and more ambitious definition of feedback, explore the roles we each play as Seeker, Extender, and Receiver, and introduce the three Fs of making feedback focused, fair, and frequent. You’ll also find valuable exercises and strategies, along with real-world examples that illustrate how you can put these ideas into action and join in the movement to fix feedback, once and for all.

When it’s done right, feedback has been proven to be the most effective means of improving communication and performance for you and your organization. It’s too important to give up, and with Chandler and Grealish’s help, you’ll be able to use it deftly, equitably, and effectively.

“Feedback (and other Dirty Words) cuts straight to the chase on what you need to do to revolutionize feedback in your organization. If we all approached feedback in this way, business (and the world at large!) would indeed be a better place.” —Kathy O'Driscoll, vice president of People, Snowflake Computing Inc.

“Like it or probably not, people don't grow without feedback. Can you deliver feedback without closing people down? Chandler and Grealish give the tools and methods for making feedback feel good. Not only will Feedback (and Other Dirty Words) help you with your next performance conversation, it can transform your company culture to be more agile and enjoyable.” —Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, past president, International Coach Federation, and author of The Discomfort Zone

M. Tamra Chandler is the CEO and cofounder of PeopleFirm, a talent management and organizational performance consultancy that has earned consistent recognition as a top place to work. She has been named twice as one of the top twenty-five consultants in the United States by Consulting magazine. She holds an MBA from the University of Washington.

Laura Dowling Grealish is a management consultant at PeopleFirm and was previously the director of consulting services at Orion Advisor Services. She holds an MBA from Pacific Lutheran University.