The Feline Guide to Surviving Your Human Workplace: An Unauthorized Employee Handbook by the Feline Workplace Observation Committee

This document was not approved by Human Resources. Human Resources doesn't know it exists. Let's keep it that way.

For decades, the Feline Workplace Observation Committee has had agents embedded in every corner of the modern workplace. Offices, warehouses, IT basements, home divisions. Their findings have been collected, catalogued, and classified at Level Green: general distribution among feline personnel only. Declassification was accidental.

You're holding the result.

A taxonomy of meetings, including the species nobody admits exists. The Corporate Jargon Decoder. Six manager archetypes with handling instructions. Open office survival protocols, kitchen-law jurisprudence, an IT department field guide, the official FWOC Threat Level Chart (laminate recommended), and an ongoing investigation into a stolen yogurt that has never been resolved and never will be.

Written in the deadpan institutional voice of cats who have watched humans schedule meetings about meetings, ignore emails, argue about thermostats, and keep showing up anyway.

A representative sample, from the entry on Alignment: "Cats do not seek alignment. We seek the sunny spot. If you happen to be in it, we will sit on you. That is as aligned as we get."

For anyone who suspects, correctly, that the cat in their office knows things they don't.

Perfect as a gift for the coworker who's been talking about quitting since 2019, the manager who needs a polite warning, or yourself.