The First Argument: Cutting to the Root of Intimate Conflict

Do you have the same argument over and over?
Do you feel helpless and stuck in your relationship?
Do you seem to argue about silly things?
Do you lack intimacy in your relationship?

The First Argument: Cutting To The Root of Intimate Conflictis the distillation of Sharon's 26 years of experience as a marriage and family therapist. It springs from one fundamental insight: a couple's current conflict has its roots in their very first argument. By revisiting that first argument and working through it, the charge around the current conflict greatly defuses.

It also provides an extraordinarily effective and economical method for breaking through layers of entrenched negativity to recover the true intimacy that lies below. The First Argument is a practical and useful guide for exploring, identifying, and working through the conflict that arises in relationships.

Through exercises, suggestions, and personal experiences, the book shows how relationships can actually be strengthened by making room for and understanding the inevitable first argument, and those that follow. As demonstrated succinctly in Sharon's book, the tendency to blame the partner can be redirected by looking at the link between past and present arguments. It is a book that shows potential transformation and healing from the very thing that could be the seed of destruction...the first argument. As Sharon states in her book, the poison is the remedy, and in working with the first argument, we learn that the very thing we dread and avoid-the root of our conflict-is also the source of our healing.

Sharon M. Rivkin, licensed marriage and family therapist (MFT), has been in private practice for 27 years in Santa Rosa, California. She has a Master of Arts in clinical psychology and specializes in individual, couples, and family therapy. She is a supervisor for MFT interns, and prior to working in her private practice, Sharon spent 11 years teaching and counseling as a learning specialist.

An experienced public speaker, Sharon leads workshops on intimate communication, the role of language in healing, and women in mid-life. In addition to her private practice, she teaches courses and conducts workshops based on her book, The First Argument: Cutting To The Root of Intimate Conflict. Sharon has been featured in O: The Oprah Magazine in both the United States and South Africa, and Reader's Digest, as well as appearing on radio shows from Sonoma County to New York City. She is married to Michael Howard and is the mother of two grown daughters, Talia and Tashina Kilburn.