CHAPTER 1
Do You Think You Are a Winner Right Now?
If you're like most people, your deep-down answer is "NO".
I was curious to find out if I was the only person who had ever thought of suicide. Granted, only a couple of times have I thought things would be easier if I were dead. However, people usually say that I'm a positive person. So if I could have a thought like that, I suspected that I wasn't the only one.
This may sound extreme, but just before I wrote the first edition of this book, I asked more than 125 people, who appeared to be over fifty years of age, "Did you ever think of killing yourself?" I asked people who looked as though they were in shape and people who did not. Can you believe that only one person out of all those I asked said they'd never ever given a moment's thought to suicide? I don't know the name of the man who said he'd never thought of it; (I purposely did not ask people their names). These were people I met on busses and subways or while walking on the street (in NYC most people travel by public transportation and I'm always meeting new people on, or while waiting for, busses and subways or just walking on the street.)
If you're thinking: "Bobbie Horowitz is crazy! I'm in great shape. I'm fabulous looking! I'm sexy! I'm smart and I've done everything I ever dreamed of doing with my life!"- I take my hat off to you and say, "Bravo!" I cheer you because I know you're right – and - I'd advise you to read this book to give you a plan of action in case future issues come up for you. Then give the book to your friends. You know which friends: the friends who complain that they're too fat/skinny/ mushy/tired/headachy, getting old — you name it!
I was in my mid-sixties before I fully realized my mission in life. My mission is to see that you totally love yourself — and I take responsibility for doing all that's in my power to have that happen. There are very few people who need no help in this area.
In this book, I concentrate on your physical being. I wrote this book:
1. To open your heart to what a divine, human work of art you are and
2. To open your mind - so you can allow yourself to bring the divine, physical you to the fore. My goal is for you to design a pleasurable, doable way to improve what you can about your physical being. I also want you to learn how to accept what you can't improve until you find a way to improve it, so you can love every bit of you. I'll contend that you are an awesome work of art and that you don't have to change yourself! You just need to let that work of art that you are come out from under its coverings. The coverings may be extra pounds, flab, or malfunctions you can avoid.
This book is not about changing your true self. However, you will change your appearance. If you're flabby, too skinny, etc., you're not showing your true self. You'll learn how to choose actions — thought out specifically for you and your lifestyle. I call my actions mini-Qs. When you use (whatever you've named yours) daily, you'll dust away the need to choose the actions that have buried you the artwork and created clouds around you the star.
What we each need to focus on is how to choose actions that will bring out the wonderful, unique creations we are and how to clean off the schmutz (Yiddish for "dirt") that's been added. This may be easier said than done. Sometimes we don't realize we're choosing actions that are not based on the truth; rather, our actions are based on erroneous thoughts we've come to believe are true.
In this book, I take on the responsibility of doing everything I can to help you scrape away all that isn't you, physically. This step will take some mental scraping, but it's worth the effort.
I have an inner knowing that Earth is heading toward the day when each human accepts the fact that he or she is wonderful, when people won't fear "the other guy," and feel they need to protect themselves from "the other guy". I'm jubilant when I think of it because, even though you and I will probably not see this happen in our physical lifetimes - this goal isn't impossible!
Things happen. How we react to them is our choice. It's been said in different ways thousands of times. I'm repeating what so many others have said because I'm still in the process of incorporating these discoveries into my own being.
Last month (May 2015) I celebrated my seventy-fifth birthday. It was, indeed, a celebration! The first edition of this book was published shortly after I celebrated my seventieth birthday. One of my goals is to keep expanding this knowledge and incorporating it into my brain and body for as long as I'm alive. When I say incorporate, I mean not just mentally understand the knowledge but also live as if it is so.
Several people will need to hear the ideas I'm sharing many times before they can incorporate them. If you get these ideas in one take, please forgive me for repeating them. Some people need to read them many times.
CHAPTER 2
Seven Ways We May Be Hiding Our Star to Keep It from Shining
I believe we hide due to FEAR. It can be scary to be out there as a star. You may not have expected that sentence. However - look what success often brings! People expect great things from you and you become more visible. This can be daunting, either consciously or unconsciously.
I've been scared of the spotlight. I'm not a psychologist, but I've spoken with several, and I've read many books that cover this topic. I'll bet you have too.
Remember that you are that star. You're that star, whether or not it is yet shining to its full potential. We'll find out what's blocking it's light. Take a deep breath and accept yourself as you are now. Love and accept yourself every step of the way. Allow yourself to be patient during the process, which, by the way, may move more quickly than you've imagined it would. If it doesn't move quickly, you can still love yourself and revise your path.
The following are some of the ways you may have been hiding your star.
1. Playing dumb. When we play dumb, we make believe that it doesn't matter if we look vital. What we're really making believe is that we don't matter. That pretense becomes reality.
2. Avoiding pursuit of what we want. We do this just to avoid a scary body sensation. Sounds silly, right? Of course, we are not aware we're doing this. Ask yourself questions when you're not making progress toward getting what you've hoped for. Ask yourself if your throat, stomach, or some other body part feels tight or if your skin is tingling. I've learned that bodily sensations caused by fear can stop me from making progress. By noticing these sensations and changing my thoughts about them, I can change my patterns. I learned this from David Friedman in his book Thought Exchange. For more information, see chapter 16.
3. Finding reasons to put off regular doctor checkups. I'm thankful that this was never a pattern in my family, and I never adopted this pattern. I know only a few people who avoid regular physical examinations. However, doctors have told me that quite a few people do fall into this pattern. I think that most people who don't go for checkups feel that they'll be looked upon as bad because they have not kept themselves from getting an illness or physical malfunction. I recommend that you get checkups for things that can be checked. You're not "bad boy or girl" for getting ill, but you are unwise for not having your body checked at regular intervals. It's much easier to cure most health problems when they are caught early. Then you can feel like the good boy or good girl you are.
4. Dwelling on maladies or "handicaps" and not allowing them to go away.I hear some people identify themselves by their illnesses, and some people won't listen to information about possible ways to cure an illness or at least mitigate its effects.
5. Blaming weight or muscle problems on heredity. While our genetic heritage may play a part — even a large part — in all our physical characteristics, that doesn't mean we can't be healthy or deal with many aspects of our physicality in ways that are different from our ancestors. In recent years, much has been discovered about dealing with various illnesses. My wonderful little sister, Sue Hank, would most likely be alive today if doctors had known to check blood for Hepatitis B before a transfusion. If this test, which became routine by 1990, had been available in 1965, my sister would probably be living today. She was a force who helped many people, so her life was extremely valuable. I can't help but think how many more people she could have helped in the eighteen years since her passing. I can't resist cheering Susie.
6. Feeling we always need to please everyone. This is a biggie! I confess that it continues to be a major issue for me to deal with. I address this issue in the next chapter and in other sections in the book. Let me give you an example. When people are dining out, many people feel they should eat what the rest of the group chooses. Underneath, they're frightened the group won't like them if they don't. I used to do this. I'm thankful I've learned that I help my friends more if I set a good example. If they can't take it, well, that's their problem. Your friends will respect you more when your star is shining in their eyes.
7. Not getting physical exercise because belonging to a gym is too expensive and/or there isn't enough time. Blaming our big midriff on a lack of time is like saying we don't deserve to get into shape. Everything else deserves the time but not our body. If you look hard to find a gym in your area that you can afford, you'll probably find one. If not, there are ways to exercise in life. We'll be talking more about this.
I remember discussing reasons why and ways in which we hide our greatness — in different areas of life — with my spiritual coach, the late Barbara Van Diest. In terms of looking as well as you can look and being as fit as you can be, you might wonder why there would be any fear attached. It's all good — right? It would seem so. However, issues can come up when you're a gorgeous teenager or adult or senior. Those of you who've been on either side of these feelings (feeling ugly or feeling "not liked" because you're too good looking) will understand what I'm speaking about. Pre-teen girls and boys can resent a beautiful or handsome member of their class or group because the good-looking young person gets positive attention for being good looking, and they don't. The same can be said for young people who are very bright or have great ability to get their points heard by authority figures, etc. The "who does he think he is" mentality can come into play.
I've come to believe that we wouldn't resent those who have great attributes we don't (think we) have if we hadn't been "taught" to resent those who have them. The people who "taught" you this probably had no idea this is what they were doing. Think about things you might have heard said about people at a dinner table or when leaving a party or a meeting, etc. I think that Oscar Hammerstein nailed this concept in his lyrics for the song, "You've Got To Be Taught", which was in the musical "South Pacific". (Wish I wrote that one!) The song teaches us that if we hate or fear or resent other people – it's because we were taught to.
I get moved every time I think of that song and it's truth.
While this may sound simplistic, if you think you're less fit and healthy or less good looking than might be possible for you to be, I urge you to sit quietly and think about your life as a child, as a teen, as a young adult, and see if any situations come to mind that may have painted a negative picture in your mind about you being number one in the area of fitness (or any other area of your life). About a year ago I enrolled in Nick Ortner's seven-week online tapping course for maximizing finances, and many of these "I'm not good enough" questions came up for me in that area.
You may also want to think about what you think would be demanded of you if you were at your best possible weight and strength. If you became one of the strongest and most facile people in your age group, would you be expected to look gorgeous every single day and to run to this and that event? In the back of your mind, does it seem like too much will be expected of you if you can't fall back on being too tired or being overweight or underweight or less than strong? I know it may sound strange to think that being at your best could cause problems and that NOT being at your best can make life easier for you - but I see this rearing it's head often for people I know and it may well come up — usually subconsciously — for you too.
It can look like a lot of work to get fit. I'm writing this book to show you that while there may be many to-dos (better to call them "get-to-dos") on the list you'll make for yourself, they'll all fit into your lifestyle and help your specific body and chemical makeup. When you can handle them with humor, it becomes your fun game. When you're the hottest, most energetic, youthful-looking fifty-, sixty-, seventy-, eighty-, ninety-year-old you can be, you will have the right to say no when people keep asking you to do things for them, things that don't benefit you — unless, of course, you truly want to do the specific things asked of you.
I'm still working on saying "No" myself. Learning to say "No" may take a while. I promise you, the time spent will be worth it. Pleasing people is wonderful — when it's serving you too.
CHAPTER 3
What Are Your Specific Reasons for Wanting to Be Fit?
It helps to have specific reasons. They help keep you going when you're feeling tired or frustrated.
It will help you if you have your answers to the following questions written down and in a place where you can easily find them. You'll be coming to pages in the book on which you'll actually write down the daily activities you'll undertake to reach your goals.
Grab a pad of paper and pen and write down your answers to the questions that follow.
Four Questions to Ask Yourself
It might seem as though the answers to the questions in this chapter are obvious. However, were it that simple, wouldn't everyone have done whatever they could to reach their optimum weight and stay as fit as they can be?
I think most people, at least subconsciously, are well aware of what fitness and a healthy lifestyle would do for them.
I applaud you! You're consciously going for it! You're coming for answers.
Every morning, think of the answers you write down. It'll help bring these questions to mind every day.
1. How will fitness and being my healthy weight help me?
I spoke with several people, some of whom are in great shape and others who say they want to get into great shape. Those who were in great shape simply listed what they thought of as their benefits from being healthy, and the others phrased their answers more like "wouldn't it be lovely if ..." Both groups listed just about the same things as benefits.
• Less worry. Wouldn't it be more enjoyable to spend less time worrying about health and more time feeling great about yourself? Being in shape will reduce the stress that comes from worry as well as the physical stress from carrying extra weight around with you.
• More romance. Just because you're fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty, years or older doesn't mean you can't have romance in your life! Romance can encourage a state of wellbeing. Granted, you needn't look like a calendar girl or boy to have love in your life. But it's much easier to feel romantic toward someone who feels good about him/herself. For those who aren't married, it usually helps to attract the opposite sex if you're in shape.
• More stamina. If you choose to — or need to — work, your life will be much easier if you have the energy to carry out your daily assignments. You can also turn these into Qs and watch your work improve and get noticed. You'll read more about this in a later chapter.
• Increased ability to play. Yes — play! Do you like to sing? Would you like to be a member of a theater group? Do you like to play sports? Would you love to travel? You'll be better. ble to enjoy all these activities and more.
