SORRY, HONEY, I HAVE TO GO

Riley aimed his Winchester and then slowly squeezed the trigger. A deafening shot rang out, bullet hitting the target. The tall jackrabbit fell out of sight, flushing out three more rabbits. A second shot took down a smaller one. Ruth slowly unplugged her fingers from her ears. The acrid smell of gun smoke invaded Ruth's nose. With one hand, she held the reins of Sadie, her nervous, gun-shy horse; and with the other hand, she covered her nose as she sneezed. Ruth still had her eyes tightly shut, not wanting to watch and trying not to cry. She was glad for the meat, but the tears were because all hope of going with Riley deer hunting died with those two jackrabbits; whereas Riley could leave, knowing Ruth had some food to last for a while.

Riley ran through the tall grass and fetched the fresh game.

"Looky here, dartin'," he said with a big grin on his face as he held up the rabbits for her to admire. He halfway hopped and ran with excitement as he carried his prize to their sod house. Slowly, she opened her eyes to a squint. Showing no enthusiasm, she followed him to examine the fresh meat that would be part of her supper. Sadie stopped nibbling on the Johnson grass and followed her to the dugout.

Riley smiled a toothy grin at his new wife and handed her the fresh game. She took the rabbits but didn't return his smile as she handed him the reins of her Morgan horse. Riley wiped his hands on some tall grass and then turned to stroke Sadie to calm her. The horse avoided his touch by moving a few steps and gave Ruth a reluctant look. Riley missed their exchange as he busied himself finishing his preparation for the hunting trip. He bent over to cinch the saddle strap as he spoke.

"This here game ought to feed ya for a day or two 'til I get back with some deer or buffalo."

"Oh please, Riley, take me with you. I can hunt too," Ruth whined. This was the umpteenth time she tried to get her way.

Riley looked Ruth straight in the eye, and his jolly demeanor changed to sober.

"Darlin', I'll tell you one more time. Be reasonable about this. We only have one horse and one rifle. You don't have the clothes to go huntin', and there's a whole slew of other reasons why it'd be better for you to stay here. You got those rabbits to eat on until I can get us some real big game. Ruthy, you'll be just fine."

"But how long will you be gone? I'm scared here without you. I'll miss you. What in the world will I do? We run out of food. It's too far into town for me to walk for supplies. You're taking the horse and leaving me the wagon. Oh, I wish I was home or at least not so far away from everybody!" She tried to win him over by looking as pathetic as possible.

"Ruth, don't start on me again, about wantin' to leave and go home. I thought we settled all that last night. You kissed me and told me you loved me and would never leave me. Did you mean it, darlin'? I got to know that you'll be here when I get back. You knew when you run off with me that you would be leaving your ma and all your kin behind. Ain't I enough for ya?"

"Yes. I'm just talking crazy. I'm just worried." Her pout was not working to change his mind to see her way of thinking.

"Well, don't worry. I promise I'll come back."

"Riley, remember that we need more than just meat. You got my list with you?"

He pulled out the paper from his pocket, unfolded it, and read her the list she'd made for him.

"I've got here some flour, lard, coffee, fatback, a few layin' hens and feed, some oats for the horse, some yarn, and needles. I've got to get some meat to trade off so I can pay for what we need. Don't you realize I've got to go, and the sooner I leave, the sooner I'll be right back here lookin' after ya. You got to face up to the fact we're grown-up people now, and sometimes we've got to do hard thangs." Still holding the rabbits, Ruth wiped the tears from her eyes with her free hand.

"Sweet Ruth, stop cryin and come give me a kiss before I go. Can I have a little smile from you also so I can take that with me to think on while I ride out?"

"But, Riley ... Oh, all right, you make me want to be generous whenever you talk to me that way." She walked over and kissed him and held on until he pulled away.

"I don't see no smilin' on them lips I just kissed." She gave him a faint smile.

"That's my girl. You're my best girl ever and my only girl from now on. I'll come home with a big deer or maybe a buffalo, if there's any still left roamin' around. When I get back with the meat, you'll be so doggone busy cleanin', butcherin', and cookin' you'll wish you had some time alone just for yourself. You've got the pistol and the extra bullets. I'm sure ya won't have any need to use it. I'm leaving it for your own safety. Don't go out to greet nobody if they happen this way unless the Lord leads ya to do so. You ain't alone. He's keepin watch over ya. Ruth, believe me, don't ya?"

"I do. Oh, I'm acting like such a big baby. You go be that big hunter, and I'll stay behind keeping the home fire burning and that fire in my heart burning for you too. Get out of here, now." Her tough act quickly caved.

"Sweetheart, you will be sure to be careful, won't you? You promise me right now, Riley Earl, to come back to me, and don't be long doing it. You hear me?"

He tipped his hat to his lady and mounted the horse in one movement.

"So help me God, I love you, and I promise you right here and now that I'll come back to you and love ya the rest of my life." He looked up into the sky and then down into the teary eyes of his wife. He whispered so she wouldn't hear, "The Lord willing"

Ruth sighed in defeat, looked at Sadie's sad eyes, and then to both of them waved goodbye.

The southwest wind blew her hair out of its tight bun. Unaffected, she let her loose hair blow freely. She watched and waved until she couldn't see them anymore. That wind was so strong it finally broke the spell that had paralyzed her. Ruth turned away and reluctantly stepped inside the dugout. By now, Riley and Sadie were far out of sight, so she decided to focus on other duties instead of looking at an empty horizon. Hot tears ran through the silty red dust on her cheeks. Her lips had a salty grit when she licked them, and it collected on her tongue, forming a lump in her throat. Ruth's whole body felt miserable and totally alone, but then she remembered her husband's parting words.

"Lord Jesus, it's just you and me now. This must have been how you felt whenever you walked into the wilderness alone. I need your protection and your help. Please take care of Riley and let him have a successful hunt. You know how much we need some food. And please watch over Sadie. We need her more than ever. Thank you for the rabbits." She paused for what seemed a long while and let out a heavy sigh.

"And, Lord, thank you for giving me Riley to love. Amen."

As she stood looking out the door, Ruth's thoughts traveled back to why she was now so far away from any living soul. Her parents had no doubt read her note she had left them after Riley and she had eloped. The same traveling revival preacher who led the Holy Spirit brush arbor meetings had hesitantly agreed to marry them. Ruth's pa, no doubt, had mounted up with some of his neighbors to help search for Riley and her. Pa's temper ran hot if anyone disobeyed him. At the time when she eloped and ran away, she feared for Riley's life, but Ruth was confident no one would ever be able to find her. What a perfect hiding place across the Red River, in the territory where no white people lived. Who would think to go there to find them? At this minute, she hoped someone would. The thought actually made her bristle. Ruth quickly changed her mind. Now she didn't care if she ever was found, at least not by her family. Angry thoughts were forming into one big grudge. Ruth spoke to the wind as if it would carry her message back to her parent's ears.

"Why don't you like Riley? He's a good man, fun-loving, hardworking. He just needs some land to work. We won't always be poor. No, you didn't even try to get to know him. He was no better than manure on your shoe. It was downright shameful the way you both treated him when I introduced him to our neighbors at our church arbor meeting. When it came time to auction the pies for the missionary fund-raiser, Riley was the highest bidder for my pie. He sat right down and ate the whole pie. That was the pie that you, Ma, said was too ugly to slop to the hogs!" Her hands were rolled into tight fists as angry tears followed those sad tears shed for Riley's leaving.

"Ma, that was a hateful thing to say to me. I have you know, Riley told me he thought it was delicious. He likes me, Ma. He says I'm pretty, and he don't care who hears it. No, you're right, he ain't as big and strong as Pa. I like him just the way he is. I love him, and he loves me. We are happy together. You'll see. We're goin to raise us some of the best horses of Morgan stock in the whole country. We'll have some beef cattle and some milk cows too. I'll raise us a beautiful garden with vegetables and even some flowers, just like Granny Stewart's. Maybe some cockscomb and even some hollyhocks. We'll have a bunch of beautiful, well-behaved children that we adore. And, Ma, they won't have to run off 'cause we'll treat them right and care about the people they like. You probably won't even see my babies, Ma, 'cause you don't want me. If you don't want me, you won't want my children either. You probably don't even think I can be a good mother." Ruth's tears turned from crying into deep uncontrolled sobbing. The truth was she'd never been so scared or missed her ma more than at this moment.

"You keep telling me I'm just a girl, too little and weak to amount to anything. Well, you're wrong, and I'll prove it. That 'Good Book' you always made me read says I can do all things in Christ, who gives me strength if I love Him. Well, I do, so He promised He would help me and never leave me. See, I learned what was taught me, you'll see, Ma."

Emotionally spent, Ruth tried to calm down. She paced back and forth in the dugout shelter they now called home.

The dugout was halfway into the ground. Its windows let a little light in. Mainly, it seemed it let all the dust in. The red dust sifted through the burlap feed sacks Ruth had used as make-do curtains to cover the window openings. A hoe leaned against the corner by the door of the one-room dwelling just in case a snake decided to come in to get out of the heat. It was only May, but the temperatures were already getting very hot during the day. Her worry thoughts returned as she pulled back the burlap and peered out the window to the southwest and noticed the storm bank forming. Ruth knew from growing up in Texas that May and June were the months that storms frequented the Great Plains. With the storms came the twister funnels that sucked up anything they touched. Stories of these big winds claimed even cattle were sometimes picked up out of the prairie and dropped into the next state or territory. Several bad storms from her youth had scared her, even when she was surrounded with loved ones to protect her. Looking out the window, she spoke to her pa as if he was standing beside her, looking at that mean black storm forming.

"Pa, sure am glad you taught me to read the signs. There looks like a storm's a-brewin'."

Storms in the spring came from the southwest and in the winter from the northwest. During the summer, flash floods caused creeks to rise over their banks filled with debris. Ruth knew the debris was often more dangerous than the floodwaters. It carried poisonous snakes, broken barbed wire, sharp rocks, sewage, and mud. Her heart began pounding in her chest and way up into her throat, as she thought about the storm clouds in the distance waiting to dump a deluge of water onto the earth below, causing the yearly flooding.

"Riley, you and Sadie are riding straight in that direction."

Fear of all the what-ifs and maybe-could-happens were literally sucking the strength from her body.

"Stop it!" Ruth turned her back to the window.

"I can't be worryin about everything all the time. After all, it's not pleasing to man nor God to be thinking bad thoughts. I just asked for his protection. Now I'll have to have faith and believe my husband and my Sadie will be protected and safe."

Ruth had a habit of thinking out loud whenever no one was around to hear her. She stopped talking and looked around, sensing someone was listening to her rant and rave. A little horned lizard scampered in from the windy out-of-doors. Randomly, Ruth scanned the room to make sure there were no other vermin that might've sneaked in as well. The dwelling that was dug into the ground and covered with sod housed everything from scary spiders, wiggly worms, and even snakes.

Back in her parent's house in Texas, her bedroom was larger than this entire dugout. She had a large bed with a bedspread that matched the curtains. The chamber pot and pitcher with matching basin were made of porcelain and hand-painted with Texas yellow roses, like the song. Granny Stewart even had yellow rosebushes planted in the flower beds adorning the large screened-in porch that wrapped around the entire ranch house. Here in the dugout, there was no furniture, only a mat with blankets on the dirt floor and a fire pit at the other end of the room. Noticing the fire pit, she realized she was still holding those two rabbits and began looking for a way to hang them near the door to catch the breeze while avoiding sand blowing all over their carcasses. One of Riley's bowie knives hung on a peg stuck into the sod wall next to where the gun hung. She took the knife down and hung one rabbit on the peg. The other rabbit she hung off the knife she stuck into the wall. After hanging the rabbits, she felt new energy. Next, she knelt down on the bedding and pulled her big carpet bag over to fetch out her comb and toothbrush. Even though she had no tooth powder, Ruth brushed her teeth vigorously. Next, she combed her hair, counting one hundred strokes. With the back of the quilt, she wiped her face and neck and somehow felt cleaner.

Being married to Riley for a short while, she discovered he didn't know what a toothbrush was and hardly knew how to use a bar of soap. She'd teach him about Dr. Meyers L. Rhein's contraption for cleaning teeth, and Riley could teach her how to love him in all the ways that made him happy.

"Well, now that's more like it. I've said my prayers, cleaned up, now what shall I do?" She looked over where the rabbits were hanging and noticed the flies were starting to gather around the little pool of blood on the dirt floor.

"Oh no, I better clean them, or the flies will make the meat spoil. I think I'll roast one and dry the other as jerky." The wind was still howling, so she did her best to skin those rabbits the way her brother would. The job was done quicker that she thought.

"That was as easy as slipping clothes off a baby." She chuckled at her own little cleverness. Her joy was robbed by the memory of what followed her wanting to learn how to skin wild game. Ruth had asked her pa for a skinning knife so she could learn how to skin and cut up game like her brother. Pa just shook his head and said,

"Listen, little girl, your ma would skin me alive if I let you get all bloody and dirty or lettin' you act like a boy. You scoot on now, you hear me? Let us menfolk do this kind of work, and you keep yourself pretty and clean. But if you really want to help, you can go help set the table and help Granny and your ma."

Her memory faded, and with a toothy grin, she looked at those two rabbits and announced, "Well, Pa, you should see me now. I'm clean, and those rabbits are too."

She hurried outside and wiped her hands on the grass like she saw Riley do. She noticed the sky getting darker in the direction Riley and Sadie headed. Her prayers had lost all the formality of church talking prayers and became a running dialogue with her Creator as she would pause to listen to see if he would answer.

"Help me not to worry. Oh, and thank you again for the rabbits." The smile returned to her face.

Before Riley left, he had carried up a large amount of kindling and dried limbs he found down at the creek bed. It was mostly cotton wood that burned quickly. She roasted one rabbit, and the other she cut the meat off the bone into long strips. With her boning knife, she sharpened both ends of several sticks; and in the corner next to the fire pit, she stuck the ends into the wall, creating a drying rack. Carefully, she hung the meat so it wouldn't get any dirt on it. She was thankful that she had remembered to bring a leather pouch of salt and a tin box of black pepper. She dowsed the jerky liberally with both, which sent her into a sneezing fit. Her eyes now had watery tears from burning caused by the pepper. With difficulty seeing, she did her best to salt the pelts.