The Funniest Things Ever Said

Here are1,237 laugh-out-loud quotes, quips, and jokes, all in one packed-to-the-brim volume. Yes, folks, sit back and enjoy this collection of inadvertent gaffes, thigh-slappers, puns, and everything and anything else that'll tickle your funny bone. There’s something old, something new, something stolen, and something blue—from favorite comedians, sports and political figures, and literary wits. There are even giggles for the kids and groaners for the grown-ups. Just a few among the 1,237 funniest things ever said:

“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”—Rita Rudner

“I don’t know if it’s good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto.”—Yogi Berra on being told that Joe DiMaggio was to marry Marilyn Monroe

“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.”—Malcolm Forbes

“The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then, after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’”—Bill Maher

Steven D. Price is the author or editor of more than twenty-three books, including 1001 Dumbest Things Ever Said, The 1001 Smartest Things Ever Said, 1001 Insults, Put-Downs, & Comebacks, and The Quotable Horse Lover (all Lyons), as well as The Ultimate Fishing Guide and Old As the Hills: The Story of Bluegrass Music. A resident of New York City, he is a keen observer of human achievement and folly.