The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

“Gripping…how can teachers snatch back their critical role and give children the necessary space to fail? They could start by making parents read Lahey.” — New York Times Book Review

In the tradition of Paul Tough’s How Children Succeed and Wendy Mogel’s The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, this groundbreaking parenting manifesto focuses on the critical school years when parents must learn to allow their children to experience the disappointment and frustration that occur from life’s inevitable problems so that they can grow up to be successful, resilient, and self-reliant adults.

Modern parenting is defined by an unprecedented level of overprotectiveness: parents who rush to school at the whim of a phone call to deliver forgotten assignments, who challenge teachers on report card disappointments, mastermind children’s friendships, and interfere on the playing field. As teacher and writer Jessica Lahey explains, even though these parents see themselves as being highly responsive to their children’s well being, they aren’t giving them the chance to experience failure—or the opportunity to learn to solve their own problems and develop critical life skills.

This culture of overparenting has the potential to ruin a child’s confidence and undermine their education, Lahey reminds us. Teachers don’t just teach reading, writing, and arithmetic. They teach responsibility, organization, manners, restraint, and foresight—important lessons in child development that children carry with them long after they leave the classroom.

Providing a path toward solutions, Lahey lays out a blueprint with targeted advice for handling homework, report cards, social dynamics, and sports. Most importantly, she sets forth a plan to help parents learn to step back and embrace their children’s failures. Hard-hitting yet warm and wise, The Gift of Failure is essential reading for parents, educators, and psychologists nationwide who want to help children succeed.

This essential guide provides a path toward solutions with targeted, evidence-based strategies for raising competent and self-reliant children.

• Fostering Resilience: Learn why allowing children to experience disappointment and frustration is crucial for developing the grit they need to become successful adults.
• Rethinking Overparenting: Discover how rushing to deliver forgotten assignments or challenging teachers can undermine your child’s confidence and education.
• Actionable Parenting Advice: Get a practical blueprint with targeted tips for handling homework, report cards, social dynamics, and sports in a way that builds crucial life skills.
• Building Independence: Master the art of stepping back to embrace your children’s failures, giving them the space to learn how to solve their own problems.

Jessica Lahey writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, the New York Times, and The Atlantic and is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. She is a member of the Amazon Studios Thought Leader Board and wrote the curriculum for Amazon Kids’ The Stinky and Dirty Show. She lives in Vermont with her husband and two sons.