Not Good Enough Girl: A Memoir

Amidst the control, confusion, and chaos caused by her eight-times-married mother, this author’s story spans the extreme emotions of a mother-daughter relationship, touching on cyclical family dysfunction, addiction, and forgiveness.

Beginning at the age of five, Sondra spends decades auditioning for the role of her authentic self. Her dazzling mother casts her as confidante and co-conspirator in her affairs and serial marriages. Sondra vacillates between fierce anger toward her mother—who does nothing to protect her from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse—and a desperate need for her love and approval.

As an adult, Sondra enters into and stays in a toxic marriage for years, engaging in affairs with married men rather than divorcing. When therapy and AA eventually propel her out of the sense-deadening haze of alcohol and cigarettes, she summons the courage to tell her husband she plans to leave him. He reacts by playing on her biggest fear, telling her, “You’re going to turn out just like your mother.”

Sondra attempts to establish a sober and separate identity, but tensions between her and her mother further increase when she marries someone new—a man who displaces her mother as the epicenter of her life—and her mother’s seventh marriage ends. During this time, traumatic childhood memories suddenly surface and a seismic shift occurs, freeing Sondra from her need for maternal connection. But establishing a life independent from her mother proves far more complicated than she could have imagined.

Sondra R. Brooks graduated from Interlochen Arts Academy as a ballet major, studied musical theatre at Carnegie Mellon University, and earned a Bachelor of Business Administration from University of Phoenix. She is a three-time award winner in the International Writers’ Digest Competition for her memoir/essays “Vincent,” “The Magic Tumor Theory,” and “Jimmy.” Brooks has served as judge in various writing competitions and is a member of Authors Guild of America, Story Circle Network, National Association of Memoir Writers, and North Carolina Writers Network. She lives in a log cabin in the woods with three cats and seven rescue dogs. Her husband of seventeen years considers himself to be a rescue as well. She enjoys cycling, beekeeping, forest farming, organic gardening, and caring for her botanical sanctuary. She presently makes her home in Pittsboro, North Carolina.