Too Good for Her Own Good: Searching for Self and Intimacy in Important Relationships

Break free from the exhausting trap of pleasing everyone else, set healthy boundaries, and reclaim your life without guilt.

In the bestselling tradition of The Dance of Anger, a compassionate and insightful guide that shows women how they can learn to feel good about who they are and what they do.

Drawing on years of clinical practice, family therapists Claudia Bepko and Jo-Ann Krestan examine the unwritten rules that compel women to overfunction for others at their own expense. Through clinical examples and practical exercises, the authors outline clear steps to replace chronic exhaustion with a code of balance.

This thoughtful volume provides concrete strategies for setting firm personal boundaries, resolving guilt, and building mutually supportive relationships.

• Relationship Advice: Learn to dismantle the five silent mandates of female goodness―including the demand to be unselfish at all costs―and replace them with clear, direct communication.
• Family Dynamics: Unpack the hidden emotional triangles inherited from childhood that compel women to mediate conflicts between parents or carry burdens that are not theirs.
• Codependency: Recognize how the cycle of overfunctioning leads directly to burnout, and discover why rescuing others prevents them from developing their own independence.
• Daily Practices: Apply five practical principles of balance―being comfortable, direct, responsive, nurturing, and firm―to make confident choices without second-guessing yourself.

Claudia Bepko and Jo-Ann Krestan are nationally recognized family therapists and experts in the areas of gender issues and addiction. Frequent lecturers and workshop leaders, they are coauthors of The Responsibility Trap: A Blueprint for Treating the Alcoholic Family. They are codirectors of Family Therapy Associates in Brunswick, Maine.