Aint Got Time to Bleed: Realistic Medical Reports on Hollywoods Greatest Action Heroes

Discover how some of the silver screen's most iconic action heroes would really fare after being shot, stabbed, and dropped off buildings in this witty look at the real science behind Hollywood injuries.

Hollywood action heroes shrug off bullet wounds like mosquito bites and jump through panes of glass as if their skin is made of asbestos. But how long would these gun-toting badasses last in the real world? Ain't Got Time to Bleed catalogs the injuries endured by some of the best-known characters in the action-movie genre and uses authentic medical research to assess their real-life chances of survival. Featuring full-color illustrations that reveal how these hard-boiled icons would really look after being put through the Hollywood wringer, Ain't Got Time to Bleed delivers twenty-nine hilariously grisly diagnoses that will change the way you watch action movies forever.

Andrew Shaffer is the New York Times-best-selling author of the essential survival guide How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters as well as the Ghostbusters tie-in Ghosts from Our Past: Both Literally and Figuratively: The Study of the Paranormal. He lives with his wife, novelist Tiffany Reisz, in Lexington, Kentucky, where he teaches at the non-profit Carnegie Center for Literacy and Learning.

From a young age in the cold mountains of Vermont, Steven Lefcourt knew his love of nature would lead him in one of two directions: science or art. He quickly realized that he would rather paint frogs than dissect them, and his path was set. Besides, he's pretty bad at math. Today he is an apparel designer and freelance illustrator in California.