Ground Rules: What I Learned My Daughter's Fifteenth Year

Jaffe describes her frustrations and confusion as her teenaged daughter began running away, breaking curfew, treating her parents with contempt, and enlisting the help of her younger sister to misbehave

YA. A novel about the clash between mother and daughter, told from the mother's point of view. The woman describes the year in which Rebekah turns 15, and her younger daughter, Beanie, turns 13. The family seems to be an average one, but the older girl becomes increasingly unhappy, uncooperative, confrontational, and defiant. Whatever her mother and rabbi father say and/or do proves ineffectual, and exacerbates the tension. The family harmony unravels at a precipitous rate, and even professional help brings no improvement. The mother feels angry, inadequate, helpless, and ultimately terrified that her daughter will run away. The story is absorbing, fast-paced and easy to read. The characters are believable, and the description of the conflicting loyalties that pull Beanie between her mother and her sister are poignant. There is no sunshine-happy ending, but there is hope. YAs will intuitively understand Rebekah, and side with her, but they will be exposed to the raw anguish that the mother feels when her child is so desolate, yet unable to say just what is wrong. Even at the end of the story, Rebekah cannot articulate what is wrong. Some YAs will find that frustrating, while others will see that this is how things often are. This book may enable teens to gain some new insights into parents' struggles to navigate the choppy waters of adolescence. There is no "Mother Knows Best" here, but there is the beginning of a process of healing for the entire family.?Judy Sokoll, formerly at Fairfax County Public Library,
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc.

An unsatisfying account of a mother's horrendous year spent trying to cope with a 14-year-old daughter's machinations. Novelist Jaffe (The Unexamined Wife, not reviewed) attempts to make some kind of sense out of her adolescent daughter's manipulative and self-destructive behavior. Despite the author's attempt to present them in a humorous light, Rebekah's hurtful actions are far from amusing. We might smile at the thought of a rebellious daughter of a respected Conservative rabbi dying her hair purple, but Rebekah's exploits more often elicit shudders of horror. We wonder why the child of two loving parents would steal from them, lie to them, shoplift, disappear for days on end, and fail in school. This is not run-of-the-mill teen rebelliousness, and Jaffe provides too few clues into the underlying causes of her daughter's behavior. Jaffe's attempts to cope with Rebekah include shuttling her from one therapist to another, talking out strategies with parents of other troublesome teens, and alternating between trying to set limits and showering her daughter with unconditional love. The measures often seem unfocused and the results are unproductive. Only toward the end of this memoir does Rebekah emerge as anything more than a one-dimensional insurgent, and only then does the author appear to be something more than a caricature of a totally helpless and inept parent. Jaffe finally concedes that she has some work to do after speaking to her daughter's seventh therapist (in one year). ``Fifteen years have passed, but it is not too late. I could still get to know [Rebekah]. I could learn to listen to her,'' she writes. Exasperated by this obtuse narrative, readers can only hope that seeing her story in print doesn't consign Rebekah to many more years of therapy. -- Copyright ©1997, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

In this evocative book, Jaffe offers a frightening but useful chronicle of a year in the life of a mother and her two teenage daughters, powerfully depicting all the rebellion, confusion, and loneliness associated with adolescence. She offers ideas for parents struggling with raising adolescents in an era notable for the availability of drugs, transcontinental moves, the inability to communicate, and a host of other problems. Jaffe consults with therapists, educators, and friends to keep her family together. Her older daughter, always testing her parents, has problems with antisocial behavior, drugs, running away, and unsavory friends. By the end of the book, Jaffe concludes, "I must stop relying on experts and begin trusting my own instincts. I must...not doubt the power of my love to heal." Through intimacy and humor, Jaffe gives a vivid account of a parent's struggle to keep her children safe. Her book is not for everyone but is a welcome addition to any parenting shelf. Recommended for school, public, and academic libraries.?Susan Dearstyne, Hudson Valley Community Coll., Troy, N.Y.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc.