I'm Happy You're Dead, A-Hole!

Is it possible to deeply mourn someone and still feel overwhelming relief that they are gone?

When society demands polite mourning, black lace, and tidy memories, I’m Happy You’re Dead, A-Hole! dares to tell the unspoken truth about prolonged caregiving, neurological deterioration, and the complicated reality of surviving a partner’s devastating transformation.

For more than three decades, Kitty Mae Reed shared an extraordinary love and marriage with Raphael, a courageous firefighter and devoted provider. But over a decade of violent gridiron collisions took a hidden toll. As the symptoms she came to suspect were connected to Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) intensified, the man she adored slowly vanished behind a wall of paranoia, volatility, financial ruin, and emotional devastation.

Trapped inside the suffocating perimeter of full-time caregiving while managing her own challenges, Reed was forced to navigate the agonizing crosscurrent of loving a man while fearing the stranger he had become. When his suffering finally ended, she was met not only with grief, but with the quiet shock of freedom.

Inside this raw, unflinching, and surprisingly witty memoir, you will discover:

• The Concept of “The Un-Grieving”: Breaking the taboo surrounding relief after prolonged caregiving and granting caregivers permission to speak the messy truth about complicated grief.
• Behind the Mask of Possible CTE: A candid look at the behavioral devastation Reed witnessed, including paranoia, executive dysfunction, medical distrust, and financial recklessness.
• The Hidden Toll of Caregiver Burnout: Navigating severe sleep deprivation, physical and emotional stress, isolation, and the boundary between unyielding loyalty and self-preservation.
• Limerence, Longing, and Touch Starvation: Untangling the complex psychological web of romantic withdrawal, intense emotional fixation, midlife intimacy, and surviving profound physical longing amid chronic trauma.
• The Way of the Bison: Refusing to run from trauma, facing the harshest emotional storms head-on, and reclaiming health, purpose, and genuine joy from square one.

Drawn directly from tear-stained journals and late-night recordings, I’m Happy You’re Dead, A-Hole! balances devastating honesty with sharp Southern humor and moments of unexpected absurdity. It is a raw and unconventional lifeline for caregivers, trauma survivors, and anyone learning how to heal when grief refuses to fit inside a greeting card.