Intuition: The Ultimate Unity is a collaboration of fantasy and reality inspired poems with photo art. In this profound poetry collection, Nicole confronts the entrenched mind, examining the distinction, transition and union of fantasy and reality. She takes us deep into the subliminal mind, challenging those questions we all ask ourselves: Is my ego or my subconscious driving my thoughts? Is this feeling inside me a consequence of love or pain? Are my ideas derived from a sober or altered state of mind? Is this ending really just my new beginning?

Intuition The Ultimate Unity

a Collaboration of Fantasy and Reality Inspired Poems with Photo ArtBy Nicole Cavaluzzi

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2011 Nicole Cavaluzzi
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4634-3737-4

Contents

Fantasy or Reality?......................................1Subconscious or Ego?.....................................3Paradox..................................................4Apology..................................................5Living Hurts.............................................6Self Pity................................................8Alone, Crazy, Bored......................................9Becomes of You, Insane...................................10Love or Pain?............................................11He and She...............................................12Comforts Collide.........................................14Manic....................................................16Opposites Attract........................................17Patience.................................................18Sober or Altered State?..................................19Drunk....................................................20'e'......................................................21high.....................................................22Beginning or Ending?.....................................23For One Sad Moment.......................................24With Hope................................................25Requiem..................................................I26Requiem II...............................................27A New Way................................................28Fantasy..................................................29Subconscious or Ego?.....................................31Inspired From Within.....................................32Seasons (of My Life).....................................33Coming of the Truth......................................34Love or Pain?............................................35Subliminal Torture.......................................36It's Begun...............................................37Sultry Love..............................................38Sober or Altered State?..................................39Murderer.................................................40Vampire Feeds............................................41Heroine..................................................42Beginning or Ending?.....................................43Victim to Be.............................................44Sniper...................................................46Nightmare................................................47Hell.....................................................48Gates of Hell............................................49No Escape................................................504th Kind.................................................51My Twisted Hiaku.........................................52Reality..................................................53Subconscious or Ego?.....................................55Rock Bottom..............................................56Ego, No More.............................................57an end...................................................58High Sensitivity.........................................59Dissolved................................................60My True Colors...........................................61Covert...................................................62empty....................................................64A Life of Nothing........................................65Lucky Me.................................................66Love or Pain?............................................67Lost Soul................................................68One Mean Bitch...........................................69Passion Lost.............................................70Break up.................................................72If Love is Not the Answer................................73Missing Him..............................................74No Matter How Much, You Lose.............................75Poison...................................................76Rememberance.............................................77Anti-Valentine...........................................78Impossible...............................................80Tied to Love.............................................81Please Tell Me...........................................82Sober or Altered State?..................................83Sober....................................................84Others...................................................85A Prayer.................................................86A Gift of Irony..........................................87Dead Beat................................................88Beginning or Ending?.....................................89Sad End..................................................90Four They Lay............................................92Anxiety..................................................94Transition from Fantasy to Reality.......................95Subconscious or Ego?.....................................97Strength in Weakness.....................................98Adjustment: Reality......................................99Taking Control...........................................100White Flag...............................................101Teenage Angst............................................102Experiences = World......................................104Love or Pain?............................................105Emotions I...............................................106Emotions II..............................................107Second Guess.............................................108The Deepest Climax (of Life).............................109One of Those Days........................................110Together We Dream........................................111Past-Time Lover..........................................112Someday..................................................113Embrace..................................................114Sober or Altered State?..................................115My Life..................................................116Memories.................................................117Eye for an Eye...........................................118Beginning or Ending?.....................................119Transition to the Next Horizon...........................120Union of Fantasy and Reality.............................121Subconscious or Ego?.....................................123Art......................................................124Truth Serum..............................................125True Self................................................126Love or Pain?............................................127Life is Love.............................................128To FindYou...............................................129A Common Fate............................................130Sober or Altered State?..................................131Family Feud..............................................132I am.....................................................134Colors...................................................136Beginning or Ending?.....................................137Lingering Memory.........................................138Love's Strength..........................................139

Chapter One

    Paradox

    The need to grasp
    what is not here,
    elements desired,
    yet so unclear.
    No images
    of what I seek,
    no concept,
    dull mind bleak.
    A dream
    does not exist,
    for what I want,
    yet do not miss.
    What then
    can it be?
    from these eyes,
    I do not see.
    Temptations to have
    what I do not know,
    then is it,
    where I cannot go?
    Curiosity
    taunts my hunger,
    my mind cannot sleep,
    upon this blunder.
    The only thing
    that can be done,
    is to wait,
    for what may never come.


    Apology

    What, exactly, is going on?
    Sometimes I feel like everything's wrong.
    Emotional outbreaks, nerves forcing tears,
    Love is an obstacle that has many fears.

    The start of a relationship brings on joy,
    But seriousness: a mind's toy.
    Multiple selves battle within,
    Loving-self counteracts hating-self -no one wins.

    There's no true solution to a catch twenty-two,
    The never ending disillusion of don't and do.
    Stress compliments moments of rage,
    Words misspoken, destroys my self image.

    What can one do when it's down to that moment?
    The moment when one knows there's a need to connect.
    Misspoken words must untangle,
    The voice of anger subsides, conflicts unmangle.

    So when it is time to apologize,
    I'll take back the cruel tones, mellow the vibes.
    For now, I can only think to say one thing:
    It's not my fault for being me, blame me for what's within.


    Living Hurts

    Please Lord, kill me now
    My pain is so deep, I cannot survive
    This life of agony, I dread
    I no longer want to be alive

    My life has fallen to pieces
    I am apathetic to all I know
    Give me a way to escape
    I will gladly take it and go

    I hate this feeling
    I just want to die and never wake
    My depression is overwhelming
    This constant pressure I cannot take

    Lift me into the clouds
    Or drop me to the hells below
    It doesn't matter to me
    Whichever way I deserve to go

    Just get me out of here
    This life I cannot continue to live
    I have no hope for fate
    Nothing I have is worth to give

    I just take up space
    On this planet we call Earth
    Stab me, shoot me, do something
    I feel no pain, but living hurts

    There is no loss in the matter
    I'm sure no one will mind
    I would be happier dead
    I am a failure to all mankind

    I really hate myself
    Knowing I am worthless to all
    Please kill me, my Lord
    And let my lifeless body fall


    Self Pity

    Fading into my mind's black hole,
    Feelings emerging I can't control.
    Sadness lurking, I'm drowning in tears,
    Self pity infects me, an overwhelming fear.
    Choking on an addiction of self infliction,
    Chugging on a reaction, denying satisfaction.
    Calculating ways to increase the tension,
    Manipulating thoughts for the ultimate melt-down.

    Numerous excuses enhancing self abuses,
    My self tormenting transmitters burning fuses.
    A scrape will not scar but will tear me apart,
    Extending my self induced pain ever so far.
    Effort to ensure my life has been scorned,
    A lonely world inside my mind forever endured.
    Finding my head in a split post internal fits,
    Pursuing self destruction: Wanting what I cannot get.


    Alone, Crazy, Bored

    Alone
    In this haunted cell;
    My mind enslaved
    To this place I dwell.

    Crazy
    I twitch, do not touch;
    My body consumed
    Paranoia has struck.

    Bored
    I am restless, expired;
    My heart drained
    This life I retire.


    Becomes of You, Insane

    Your like the violet blood,
    That runs through my veins:

    Exposed to air,
    Turning red;
    Becomes of you, Insane.

    A flash of black,
    In those evil eyes,
    Now stare into the fires below:

    You know that your a sinner,
    And that is where you'll go.


    He and She

    He admires Her:
    charisma
    charm
    character
    & Karma ...

    She admires His:
    appeal
    allure
    happiness
    & zeal ...

    He provides Her:
    ecstasy
    fantasy
    mystery
    & chemistry ...

    She provides Him:
    safety
    security
    reality
    & destiny ...

    He describes Her:
    psychotic
    neurotic
    erotic
    & manic ...

    She describes Him:
    crazy
    lazy
    sexy
    & dizzy ...

    He denies Her:
    loyalty
    honesty
    harmony
    & sympathy ...

    She denies Him:
    sanity
    stability
    serenity
    & pity ...

    He burns Her
    She scorns Him ...
    He hurts Her
    She ignores Him ...

    He loves Her
    She yearns Him ...
    He lures Her
    She falls for Him ...

    Alas, the cycle starts all over again.


    Comforts Collide

    lost in a memory
    climax of love
    happiness, blissfulness
    my soul mate, the one

    always extreme
    no in between
    my passionate lover
    man of my dreams

    heart in a flutter
    butterfly net
    no other exists
    his love a sure bet

    him loving me
    unexplainable joy
    no words describe
    the love we employed

    alas, a memory
    no longer my life
    a disagreement
    love we sacrificed

    to carry on
    a challenge each day
    we decide it's best
    to go separate ways

    never the same page
    comforts collide
    with strong love
    comes love suicide

    passionate lovers
    hurt driven deep
    destroying dreams
    no longer sleep

    a sad memory
    of passion missed
    replacement impossible
    for the one I can't resist


    Manic

    In my dreams he coddles me,
    But a stranger in reality.
    In my heart, can't set him free,
    Our love lives on in fantasy.

    Reality of his love: a nightmare,
    Taunted by his true demeanor.
    Driving me to manic episodes,
    Delusions, paranoia, psychosis; overload!

    Who is this stranger who tortures me?
    Who am I to let him treat me so badly?
    No respect, nor consideration,
    He can't relate to my manic frustrations.

    Alas, I blame myself for loving him,
    To fall for a rebel, one cannot win.
    My manic mind, forever tormented,
    Greiving loss; fate dormanted.


    Opposites Attract

    Laying,
    Wondering,
    Loving,
    Suffering.

    Smiling,
    Wailing,
    Stifling,
    Draining.

    In concert,
    Apart,
    Magnets,
    Separate.

    Recalling,
    Denying,
    Reminiscing,
    Contradicting.

    Adored,
    Abhorred,
    Loved,
    Loathed.

    Loyal,
    Rival,
    Be all,
    Foe.


    Patience

    Gypsy on a journey,
    No time to belong,
    Searching for his destiny,
    Striving to stay strong.

    Neurotic lover sits,
    Impatiently awaiting him,
    She desperately longs his kiss,
    Alone, she can't go on.

    Opposites, dreams collide,
    She cries at night,
    He wonders the world,
    Love, interrupted, by time.

    Struggling to hang on,
    Feeling lucky to be alive,
    She knows she must go on,
    Fighting the odds to survive.

    His words promise hope,
    His actions absent of love,
    On her words she chokes,
    But she refuses to move on.

    Her heart tells her to wait,
    Her mind screams for freedom,
    A prisoner of her own fate,
    Alas, she cannot leave him.


    Drunk

    Spinning vigorously
    Around, around, around,
    Prespiring heavily
    Bare feet slap the ground.
    Dialating pupils
    Vision's disturbed,
    Voices mock me
    Can't comprehend words.
    Feeling fatigue
    Mingling body falls numb,
    Clammy hands grab
    Another shot of rum.
    Dancing obnoxiously
    I am the star of the show,
    Fellas join me
    Viscious wives bellow.
    Too tired to fight
    I seek refuge for the night,
    Awake in a fugue state
    Hazy memories
    Recall drunk mistakes.


    'e'

    they say the first time is always the best
    a feeling arouses that's greater than sex
    the future looks brighter than ever before
    your nemesis is no more
    everything is loud and clear
    your body clings to whomever is near
    you are the happiest person alive
    everyone should try this adrenaline drive
    but at the point you feel your stomach drop
    and it feels like the fun is going to stop
    remember friends will go far
    to lift you back up to where you were


    high

    drifting my lazy eyes
    around this room of discovery
    aroma of incense arises
    unconscious mind begins wondering
    my thoughts amaze me
    as I lay here in a state of confusion
    the radio becomes a setting
    images of dancing feet amuse me
    I try to move my lips
    but my throat is barren
    cannot release vocals
    this numbness that has overcome me
    tingling my toes
    crumpling my brain
    falling into a never ending sleep
    feels so good to shut my lids
    dreaming of meadows with daisies and violets
    smiling at my own jokes
    I cry when I feel pain
    becoming mad because nothing has gone my way
    thankful to finally awake
    dazed I realize I am fine
    except for this lingering headache
    finding myself I roll light and smoke again
    beginning another trip into my world of discoveries


    For One Sad Moment

    Cold and crowded
    came darkness
    confusion pursued it destiny
    sadness lured into dreams
    answers were deceased
    time was put aside
    the day he died.

    Fog and clouds
    shadows unknown
    voices linger as background noise
    patience does not exist
    faces of stone
    no one is real
    remorse is all they feel.

    Rain pours with anger
    happiness is not found within
    a whisper would break the silence
    now thick in the air
    faith has not yet surfaced
    within the heart conceals what is known
    only a solid sigh is shown.


    With Hope

    I see a vision
    that won't come clear,
    I listen close
    but cannot hear.

    I feel the hurt
    that pride won't show,
    I taste the pain
    but cannot know.

    I dream of souls
    that won't give in,
    I try to help
    but cannot begin.

    I have a heart
    that wants to understand,
    I try to care
    but cannot comprehend.

    I pity the victims
    who won't open to me,
    I cry for them
    but cannot bare empathy.


    Requiem I

    Blaze of darkness;
    Thick in the air,
    As we enter this mortal phenomenon.
    Transfixed;
    Morose, sullen thoughts,
    Light requiem reposing our loved ones.


    Requiem II

    Shedding tears of torment;
    Spoiled face,
    Hazy view.
    Sighs of pain in vain,
    I must accept,
    His death was due.

    Aching unfathomable sorrow,
    I grieve;
    So deep.
    Anguish burns my heart,
    Selfishly,
    I somberly weep.

    Black rings invade my eyes,
    No desire,
    Sleep deprived.
    Self pity for he who died,
    Oh Requiem,
    Silence my cries!


    A New Way

    Day breaks
    I am lost
    In this place
    Where I once felt whole,
    No longer safe.

    It was they
    Whose denial
    Drove him to stay
    He refused to live a lie,
    Enforced a new way.

    It was he
    Who cried
    Sins so free
    A fool's confession,
    Mercy for destiny.

    It is here
    I recall
    He disappeared
    His lingering scent,
    Strong with fear.

    When dusk did fall
    I searched
    All night long
    A desperate attempt,
    Alas, he is gone.


         ~Fantasy~

      "Beautiful, happy, lustful destiny! Alas, beware, the
           dangerous counter-balance that must be ..."


    Inspired From Within

    Falling rain
    Downpours define
    Thoughts that ponder
    Never enough time
    Broken windows
    Barriers so fine
    Battles within
    Longing to shine

    Winds whirling
    Spinning chimes
    Theories stirring
    My restless mind
    Notions turning
    Looking to find
    Blazes burning
    Inspiring design

    Thunder drones
    Drowning ideas
    Ego on hold
    Subconscious gears
    Ever so bold
    Superior spear
    Taking control
    I express my fears


    Seasons (of My Life)

    Each fresh, sweet new day,
    Heals my heart from yesterday.
    Sunshine steers my mind from harping,
    Serene snow slows my thoughts from churning.

    Fall breeze, crisp, sets me free,
    Sprinkling rain defines my will to be.
    Shadowing clouds hide the days of cold,
    Warming fire, deep within my soul.

    Thundering storms suddenly scream,
    Lightening strikes: A streak so mean.
    Hail denies a peaceful path,
    Flooding rivers bring back my past.

    Winds whip, my words are sick,
    Tears in my eyes, but my skin is thick.
    Tornados torture my broken spirit,
    Hurricanes tire me, I cannot repeat it!

    Alas, soft sunlight sets me at ease,
    Sand on my feet, waves relaxing me.
    The silence of a sunset beach soothes,
    Seasons of my life; an ever-changing groove.


    Coming of the Truth

    with pride
    wide-eyed
    narrow-minded
    wicked smile
    his teeth shining
    the light was in his hands
    in the dark
    they were amazed
    the waves of light
    how quick his wrist
    did switch
    the powerful sticks
    about his own body
    they stared either
    jealous and envious
    or with delight and approval
    the creation of reality infers
    the truth is evil


    Subliminal Torture

    Subliminally, he tortures me,
    Love slave; infatuated by his mystery.
    Dangling emotions, he enforces my devotion,
    His taunting corroborates his seductive action.

    I open my heart to let love in,
    Yet, I attract a life of infatuation.
    Basis: sexual chemistry, lust on fire,
    Mistaken for love; object of his desire.

    He lures me into his sexual world,
    I bow to him and everything he does.
    Prisoner of his love, I am at his beck and call,
    Embarrassed, ashamed, a victim of love I fall.

    Chain around my neck, lock on my heart,
    Handcuffs and a whip, no option to part.
    He controls me with his wicked ways,
    His passion draws me in, I can't escape.


    It's Begun

    Nervously, I move towards you,
    Kiss your lips, it's all brand new.
    Feel the rhythm of your heart,
    Subdued, I play the part.

    Slow motion, fast ride,
    Into you, I slide.
    Your scent takes me away,
    I taste you, we begin to play.

    Curiously, I let you seduce me,
    You breathe down my neck, warmly.
    Your bite entices, I'm so alive,
    I pull you close, let you pry.

    Want you now, take me hard,
    Go to places, close and far.
    Feel my lust, strong for you,
    My heart pounds, I can't say no.

    Your eyes tell me, it's time,
    I hold you tight, start to cry.
    Passion leads me, climax near,
    When I'm with you, I have no fear.

    In this moment, I share with you,
    There is no end, forever I do.
    Connection runs deep, I'm falling in love,
    Lie in your arms, and know it's begun.


    Sultry Love

    Wild, radiant essence,
    Blazing with desire,
    Melting satin sheets,
    Insatiable, on fire.

    Avid, passionate romance,
    Burning so fervent,
    Warming hearts meld,
    Inseparable, love ardent.

    Fiery, zealous legend,
    Sizzling in lust,
    Heating spirits rise,
    Intense, hot thrust.

    Deep, devoted souls,
    Smoking, sultry love,
    Scorching ardor reigns,
    Ignition of flames is us.


    Murderer

    Igniting sparks flash in dry air,
    Reflection: Fantasy or nightmare?
    Flaming fires melt the ice,
    Contemplation: The irony of life.

    Drowning in a flood of confusion;
    Deliberation: Reality or illusion?
    Burning with flashbacks: Revolting imagery,
    Observation: Am I really she?

    Fantasy of a handsome face,
    Nightmare of a long forgotten place.
    Ironic moment as he held me down,
    My life I had to save, and so it began ...

    Reality of me, a woman in despair,
    Recall now- a body behind the stair.
    Vivid flashbacks of brutality,
    Remembering now-more than one fatality ...

    Illusions of a bloody, rusty ax,
    Psychosis took over me, when he attacked.
    A victim's vengeance, oh what had I done?
    A snowball effect to maintain my freedom.

    Flashbacks haunt my tainted mind,
    This blood on my hands, I still deny.
    A murderer? I am not she!
    But the truth ... will always lie within me.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Intuition The Ultimate Unityby Nicole Cavaluzzi Copyright © 2011 by Nicole Cavaluzzi. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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