Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck Dictionary III: Learning to Talk More Gooder Fastly

Jeff Foxworthy clearly knows how to talk gooder redneck, especially after two runaway bestsellers on the subject. But for those folks who still need to get in touch with their inner redneck, here’s the third handy reference with even more indigenous idiomatic ingenuity. With Jeff as your guide, you’ll get all the finer points of speaking proper redneck. Here’s your chance to pep up your parlance by learning how to use words and phrases like

an• ar• chist (an-ar-kist´), conj., n., and v. additionally, having pressed one’s lips to another’s as an expression of affection or sensual desire. “Anarchist her ma, anarchist her sister, anarchist her gramma, anarchist her other sister, anarchist her other other sister, and then her dad walked in and . . .”

i• Pod (í-päd), n. and v. a personal reference to having groped or roughly handled another person or an object. “IPod her for about twenty minutes before I realized she was my mother-in-law.”

uri• nal (yer-en-el), n. and v. a declaration concerning the current status or location of the person being spoken to. “If you think urinal lot of trouble now, just wait till Daddy gets home.”

No matter where you hail from, Jeff Foxworthy’s Redneck Dictionary III will make you sound like you were born far below the Mason-Dixon line. So shove aside that extra roll of single-ply to make space for this book in your family’s reading room, because three is definitely the charm.

Aa
abil·i·ties (e-bil´-et-Σz), n. and pron. a statement of charges for services rendered and subsequent action to be taken by a specified male person. “I don’ care if he’ broke, Ma, the house payment’ abilities got to pay.”

ac·ne (ak´-nΣ), v. and n. concerning a male person’
behavior and the result of that behavior. “Once again
we took him to a fancy restaurant, and he didn’ know
how to acne made a fool of himself.”

ac·quire (e-kwΠer´), n. a group of singers, especially
those who perform during religious ceremonies. “She
sings so pretty, she should join acquire.”

ac·quit (e-kwit´), n. and v. a personal declaration of
resignation from an assigned task. “You ain’ firin’me, ’uz acquit!”

ac·tiv·ist (akt´-ev-ist), v. and conj. to behave in a
certain manner, particularly one based on another reality.
“She seduced me into signing that petition, and now
she activist she don’ know me!”

ad·min·is·ter (at-mi´-ne-ster), adj. and n. a specific
clergyman or agent of a government, as designated
by the observer. “I tell ya, administer is a good
man.”

af·ford (e-f≤d´), n. an automobile manufactured
by the motor company that produced the Model T. “If
I had the money for a car, I’ want to buy afford.”

air·line (er´-lΠn), adv. and v. concerning the location
and dishonesty of the person being addressed or discussed.
“Don’ sit airline about it, boy . . . tell the truth!”

al·i·bi (al´-e-bΠ), n. and v. the predicted future purchases
by a male named Albert, Alfred, or Alvin. “He
always invite Al, ’ause alibi drinks for everybody.”

anal (a¯n´-≤), v. and pron. being inferior to what one
expects. “Enemas anal they’e cracked up to be.”

an·ar·chist (an-er-kist´), conj., n., and v. additionally,
having pressed one’ lips to another’ as an expression
of affection or sensual desire. “Anarchist her
ma, anarchist her sister, anarchist her gramma, anarchist
her other sister, anarchist her other other sister, and
then her dad walked in and . . .”

an·noys (e-n≤z´), n. a loud or irritating sound.
“Hell, I wouldn’’e peed my pants if I hadn’ heard
annoys!”

ant·hill (en-til´), conj. up to a point in time. “I
won’ set foot in that room anthill he cleans it up!”

an·ti·pas·to (an´-tΣ-past-e), n. and v. to discharge
from the body, as done by the female sibling of a parent
of the speaker. “After eatin’all that salami last
night, my antipasto kidney stone.”

ar·chery (ärch´-er-Σ), n. and conj. a male person’
ultimatum relating to a curved structure, usually one
that serves as the roof or overhang of a passageway.
“He went off to St. Louis, sayin’he was dang sure he was
goin’to see the archery weren’ coming back.”

ar·i·zo·na (er´-ez-o¯ n-e), n., v., and adv. phrase delimiting
the quality of the gaseous atmosphere surrounding
the earth. “I’d move to Denver, but with all the
smog that Arizona slightly better than it is here in L.A.”

ar·kan·sas (ärk´-en-s≤, n. and v. a flat-bottomed
boat in conjunction with an observer’ visual perception.
“Noah finished the Arkansas that it was good.”

ar·son (ar´-sen), adj. and n. pertaining to the male
offspring of the speaker. “I know I swore arson didn’
set fire to your car, Sheriff, but I guess I misspoke.”

at·mo·sphere (et´-mes-fir), pron. and v. a conjecture
about the feelings of anxiety of a certain being.
“The way that ol’Red tucks his tail, now, that’ a dog atmosphere
his owner.”

at·trac·tor (e-trak´-ter), n. a motor-propelled machine
used mainly in agriculture. “My uncle cuts his
grass with attractor.”

au·di (a≥-dΣ), n. a protrusion; usually used to describe
the knotted flesh on the stomach of a human
left after the severing of the umbilical cord. “Most people
have an ‘nnie,’but Roy’ belly button is definitely an
Audi.”

au·ra (≤´-e), conj. and adj. a phrase indicating a
choice between one thing and another. “You gettin’a
Quarter Pounder aura Big Mac?”

au·to·mate (≤-te-ma¯t), v. a suggestion for procreation.
“I know we just met tonight, baby, but I think we
automate.”