CHAPTER 1
1.0
Background
This training manual was developed by compiling the philosophies, practical experiences and teachings of world class motivational speakers and writers who have helped to transform the lives of millions of people worldwide. Many people have testified the major changes that happened in their lives as a result of the inspirational seminars, teachings and writings of these people. Some people even claim that they were astonished by their own achievements.
This manual is not written as an analytical book or academic stuff to prove or disapprove any particular hypothesis or argument. It is prepared to act as a guide or a reference book in your life journey. It needs to be read several times, as you strive to apply the philosophies and principles, contained herein, in your daily personal experiences for your improvement and realization of your dreams.
I have been asking myself for a long time -why life coaching is not usually taught in schools and colleges? And where do people learn these necessary skills? To-date I don't have a definite answer. It appears to me that people learn life skills through trial and error methods with many coaches, counselors, volunteers and actors some of whom are not that reliable. If the skills were taught anywhere (in schools, colleges and or workplaces I have gone through) I am afraid I did not get it. Yet deep inside every person there is an urge, a desire or a wish to be successful, live a good meaningful life and achieve the highest, fullest expression of oneself.
There is a lot of literature out there, from ages, which address the subject from different angles. And also there are numerous individuals and organizations that attempt to fill the vacuum, in their different capacities. This manual is one of those attempts hoping this particular one, and others to follow, will in my little capacity, contribute towards building a body of knowledge that can lead to a solid base for a formal training in schools and colleges.
In this background I have summarized what this manual is all about and shared my life lessons in the foreword and explained briefly why I decided to prepare this manual. I have also included some few introductory remarks as a way of setting the stage for the actual training seminars that will be organized based on this manual.
1.1 FOREWORD
You will most likely be surprised with the truth about achieving personal achievement and success. Many people think there is a hidden formulae that is revealed to a few chosen people. The naked truth about the Science of Personal Achievement is that it is something that every one of us can achieve as long as the principles are applied consistently; and the most amazing thing is that the principles are not new - they are basic fundamentals which have been studied, written and discussed by many people for a long time. When you are ready to receive the master key to your success you will find yourself asking, as I did to myself, why did I wait so long.
The Secret of creating wealth is simply by bringing value to the market -by offering something of "use value" to people. And You and I know that every person on earth, famous or infamous, poor or rich, young or old, man or woman, able bodied or disabled has the capacity to offer something useful to someone else. Even bringing a smile in someone else's face is something that people consider of value and you will be surprised by the number of people who make fortunes by making other people smile or laugh.
One of the biggest lessons of life that I have come to realize, almost too late, and which I would like to share with you in this manual, may on its face value appear like a paradox. BUT so many people have testified that it is true. "YOU WILL GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT IN LIFE IF YOU CAN MAKE OTHER PEOPLE GET WHAT THEY WANT." I know some people will question it; but let me assure you that the secret to your success lies in a deep sense and genuine focus on solving other people's problems and offering what they need most. Brian Tracy and Tony Robbins have argued consistently that to be successful "FIND A WAY TO DO FOR OTHERS MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE DOES. BECOME MORE VALUABLE! DO MORE! GIVE MORE! BECOME MORE RESOURCEFUL! SERVE MORE AND SHOW UP MORE OFTEN."
If you cannot sell your product or people seem to ignore the services you are offering, or in other words there is no effective demand to your products or services, know that they don't see an added value in what you are offering as compared to what they already have or obtainable elsewhere. The fact that a product you are selling and/or services being offered are not required should send you a signal (or is a message sent to you) that you need to be more innovative, creative and imaginative in adding value to yourself and the products and services you offer.
I have researched and studied quite extensively on the factors behind personal achievement and success and why is it that the majority of the people fall into the trap of the vicious circle of poverty. Out of my curiosity and search for more knowledge and understanding I have learned five key lessons which I would like to share with you in this manual.
The first major lesson comes from my long and extensive involvement in poverty reduction initiatives at the national level. It's the realization that you simply cannot eradicate someone's poverty from without. True poverty eradication initiatives must come from within an individual; -from a strong determination from within an individual (that enough is enough) for a change. The strong determination will necessarily force an individual to mobilize all the efforts, including seeking support from others, in pursuit of a different path guided by a strong sense of purpose and a burning desire. Note that the basic ingredients needed include i) definite/specific and clear goals ii) a burning desire and a strong determination capable of carrying you through the endurance that is needed to reach your destiny; iii) continuous learning from your own experience and the experiences of others and making adjustments and revisions of your plans and strategies, on your way to your destiny; and iv) massive action and empowering belief on your capacity to reach your destined mission in life. The empowering belief will help to bring you back to your path at the point of desperation and temporary defeat and failure.
It is true that a conducive environment that offers opportunities for many and policies that ensure a fair play and even affirmative actions to the poor contribute to poverty reduction efforts, but the driving force must be from within an individual. In other words, I can confidently say without fear of contradiction that poverty will and cannot be eradicated from the supply side; it must be demand driven otherwise the efforts will not be sustainable. This is perhaps the reason why the objective of eradicating poverty is so elusive to many; it demands individual efforts and particularly serious individual thinking, goals setting and action.
The second major lesson is the realization of the big fallacy of life that traps so many people both highly intelligent as well as normal ordinary people. Many people believe that circumstances, surrounding environments, cultural backgrounds, past experiences and broad policies shape their lives. People believe that their capacities and abilities are normally limited by these circumstances. "As such they" end up blaming the "circumstances" and holding them responsible for any failures in realizing their dreams. Because of these limiting beliefs many people give up thinking about their goals and planning for their lives. They resort to wondering/drifting around without a strong sense of purpose which inevitably leads to frustration and desperate living.
I must admit that this lesson first came as a surprise to me. This is mainly because I truly believed that people are usually limited by circumstances. This is why I worked for almost ten years reviewing policies, developing systems to monitor poverty trends, developing national plans and strategies and specific national programs to create conducive environment for a broad based growth which would offer equal opportunities for all and hence contribute towards poverty eradication. I must admit that I almost ended up a bit frustrated with the disappointing little results on the ground and hence I learned the hard way this major lesson that what counts most is not the circumstances but a strong determination, creativity and hard work of the individuals.
Failure to realize that circumstances do not really determine your destiny (and hence blaming them is useless and is normally used as a mere excuse for individual frustrations in life), traps so many people from all walks of life. The fact that both successful people and failures are found in all circumstances and in all walks of life is sufficient to prove that the same circumstances cannot really be the determinants of your destiny. In fact the same circumstances face everyone but some people are able to cope and others succumb to those forces outside them. The question is, why is it that others manage to cope with whatever limiting forces outside them and others fail? And can those who fail also be able to empower themselves and manage those forces? My research tells me that indeed those who fail can also learn the same tricks and manage their circumstances.
Hence there must be something else that explains the differences in the lives of different people. In fact the major limiting factor is the belief and the story we have developed which end up eroding our self-confidence and self-esteem. The truth of the matter is, if you truly believe so (that you are limited by your circumstances) then you already have sufficient reasons not to try hard enough and the results are predictable -that you will fail to do what you wished to do. "As you think so it shall be". The thing to remember is that, the moment you allow those thoughts, is the time you have already decided to fail because you won't do what it takes to accomplish what you wished to do.
But why so many people fall into this trap? The main reason is that life teaches us to find reasons for failure to avoid bad feelings (by nature people feel bad when they fail). And our conscious mind knows the trick to find reasons for anything -i.e. by generalizing situations. I have come to realize that with generalizations there are numerous reasons for almost anything! So to avoid feeling bad about yourself, for any failure, the mind starts looking at the environment surrounding you and your particular circumstances including your past history and compile a list of potential limitations which can hinder your progress and hence link them to your actions or inactions. To be able to avoid this tendency we should keep at the back of our minds that failure is a failure no matter how justifiable one can make it. The only good thing about failure is the learning experience we benefit from such occurrences.
The good news is that the limiting beliefs and stories we tell ourselves can be changed through a right mental attitude and empowering pattern of behavior. In this manual we will review the basic principles for personal achievement; we will also learn how to overcome the tendency to blame circumstances and finding excuses. By learning the principles and avoiding the tendency to blame circumstances and finding excuses, we will be able to take full responsibility of our lives and develop the right mental attitude that will guarantee our personal achievement and success.
The third major lesson is the importance of driving ourselves at all times and not allowing anything else to control our mental attitude. We must understand that if you are not driving yourself, or in other words, if you are not in full control of your mind, then you have automatically allowed (whether consciously or not) the circumstances to drive you and take control of your path to your destiny in life. You must also understand that there are benefits for taking full control of your mind and at the same time there are penalties that you must suffer for not taking full control of your mind. Some of the benefits for taking full control of your mind include sound health, peace of mind, decisiveness, freedom from fear and worry, positive mental attitude, personal fulfillment and joy. The penalties you must suffer if you neglect to take control of your mind include ill health, fear and worry, indecision and doubt, frustration and discouragement, negative thinking, resentment, anger and bitterness, jealousy, feelings of victimization, embarrassment and other emotional tortures.
It is a well-known fact that nature does not allow vacuum. So, if you somehow feel, you are not responsible for anything that is happening in your life you must be aware that you are, at the same time, admitting that there are other forces outside you that are controlling your mind and your life. If you happen to feel this way my message to you is "YOUR LIFE IS TOO PRECIOUS AND TOO SHORT TO ALLOW ANY OTHER FORCE APART FROM YOU TO DRIVE IT". Strive to take full control of your life and take full responsibility of everything that is happening in your life and enjoy your life.
The sad story and which I find to be unfortunate is the observation that the majority of the people allow to be driven by outside forces and hence go through life wondering, from this and that, without any definite major purpose. In other words they allow circumstances to drift them to no particular direction. The majority of the people therefore end up with some form of frustration and feelings of hopelessness, blaming those circumstances.
If you want to drive yourself you must realize that it is only people with goals who really know where they are heading. So if you want to drive yourself you must set goals and also learn how to become a goal achiever rather than a mere goal setter. This is one of the most important trait/ habit that you will have to learn and practice to become successful. This manual will prove to you that this is the most important distinguishing factor between successful people and failures. You will also realize that successful people are:- i) driven by a strong sense of purpose and mission in life, ii) set goals, write them down and review them regularly, iii) develop strategies and plans to lead them to their mission and goals and also review them often and make adjustments as needed to adapt to changing circumstances iv) develop personal and work habits and daily routines that propel them to their mission, v) avoid limiting beliefs and discouragements and instead cultivate empowering beliefs and the "can do spirit" which help to keep them motivated and capable of overcoming any defeats and temporary failures they encounter on their way to their mission and vi) they always have a strong reason which is beyond themselves that not only help them to keep their momentum but also help to avoid feeling complacent with their progress.
There is ample evidence to prove that people who become successful learn, early on, to avoid blames and looking for reasons and excuses for failures. They strive at all times to take full responsibility of everything that happens in their lives. All of the 17 principles of personal achievement explained in this manual amplify this lesson.
The fourth major lesson is that if you want to be really successful your definite major purpose or your burning desire MUST NOT REDOUND TO YOU. I started with this lesson at the outset because I found it to be so profound and yet so few people are really able to fully comprehend it. The majority of people (including myself at the beginning) never really understand this. In fact, to many people, this is a paradox. People tend to think "either or" -that is "you are either focusing on other people's benefits or your benefits" but not both at the same time. In this way people would tend to consider the focus on others as mere manipulation for individual benefits which renders the objective not to be genuine. It is important to understand that your focus on others must be genuine otherwise people will realize very soon if your interest on others is manipulative. An example of a product or a service in the market might bring more clarity to this lesson. As I pointed out earlier it is only when your product or service is genuinely focusing on the needs, tastes and market requirements that people will find the added value of your product or service. And when people find added value in your product or service they will buy more of it and end up earning you a fortune. It is that simple and yet difficult to understand.
