Lessons in Belonging from a Church-Going Commitment Phobe

"The thing I am most desperate to keep you from finding out about me is . . . I want to belong, but I do not know how." There was a time when being a part of a church was not a decision you made but a reality you inhabited. But today belonging to the church has become a lost art, especially for millennials whose church experience is often summed up in one word: none. Erin Lane's church experience might be better described in two words: "It's complicated." Having grown up in a church, she has an appreciation for liturgy and covenant community. Having graduated from divinity school and taken a job in spiritual formation, she appreciates the structured, shared pursuit of theological and spiritual integrity. Having married a pastor, she sort of had church coming. Yet she wasn't always sure how to belong. With earnest persistence, Erin practiced the hard (and often surprising) lessons of community. Her story is an invitation to reclaim God's promise of inclusion and live like we belong to one another.

Erin S. Lane works for the Seattle-based nonprofit Center for Courage Renewal as an assistant program director for clergy and congregational leader programs. She has a master of theological studies degree from Duke Divinity School and is coeditor of Talking Taboo.

Parker J. Palmer (PhD, University of California at Berkeley) is a world-renowned writer, speaker and activist who focuses on issues of education, community, leadership, spirituality and social change. He is founder and Senior Partner of the Center for Courage Renewal, which cultivates leaders in some of society?s most crucial roles―educating children, caring for patients, serving congregations, fostering civic community and leading teams and organizations. He has reached millions worldwide through dozens of poems, hundreds of essays and many books, including Let Your Life Speak, The Courage to Teach, A Hidden Wholeness and Healing the Heart of Democracy. Palmer?s work has been recognized with eleven honorary doctorates, two Distinguished Achievement Awards from the National Educational Press Association, an Award of Excellence from the Associated Church Press and the William Rainey Harper Award. In 1998, the Leadership Project named Palmer one of the thirty "most influential senior leaders" in higher education and one of the ten key "agenda-setters" of the past decade. In 2011, he was named an Utne Reader Visionary, one of "25 people who are changing your world." A member of the Religious Society of Friends (Quaker), Palmer and his wife Sharon live in Madison, Wisconsin.